Hey, Mom, This Means You

I dare y’all to send your coffee money to impoverished schools in Los Angeles. I’m broke, you’re broke, the stock market is broke. I do suspect that you could forgo two lattes or a half a manicure so that a classroom in the inner city can have a laptop. They don’t want a laptop cart, just one stinkin’ laptop. If all my readers sent $5 or $10 (see I’m really not asking for much), wouldn’t that be grand? L’Shana Tova y’all.

I Love My Kids; It’s the Parenting that Sucks

My son can’t get a hold of himself when he’s hungry. He’s long and lean and clearly in the middle of a growth spurt. He’s gangly and lopsided and when he smiles it’s like the sun focused all it’s warmth on just your face and it’s about to penetrate your soul. When my son smiles with his whole face, I melt. So does Robert. But as Alexander is growing, and stretching in physical and emotional ways he flops himself into my car at the end of the day. “How was …

Why I Bought My Mom A Wii

I think we all know that one surefire way to raise an underachieving slacker is to buy them a Wii. Simply put, high achieving homes don’t let their 7 year old sons sit around and waste their days with Wii tennis and Mario Super-Loser-Town. If I poke around the web I’ll find a handful of housewives who have spent the day flat on their asses with a Wii Nunchuck in their hands. So when my husband said, “No video games in our house”. I agreed, vehemently.

Okay PETA, it Worked, I mentioned You

Remember when I grossed you out with the Storchen restaurant story? It seems that the idiots activists at PETA have asked Ben and Jerry’s to do the same. Yes, PETA wants B&J to use mothers milk for ice cream. Further proof that they are ‘tards. I will drink mothers milk when PETA provides me with a board member who has survived without animal research. That means: no asprin no penicillin no western medicine developed before 1995 no immunizations certainly no fertility treatments no birth control