July 2008: purchase hamster for my son’s birthday.
August 2008: come to enjoy hamster
August 28: Hamster escapes cage
August 29 AM: Hamster is seen under sofa, unfortunately small lizard is also seen under sofa. We have never purchased a lizard.
August 29 PM: Realize that at 38 and 43 our reflexes are too slow to capture lizard and ask Alexander (7) to please get lizard. Alexander says no. I offer cash. $5. Still no, offers increase incrementally to $22.50 plus one full hour of TV. Alexander still declines and we decide to cut his allowance. Immediately and permanently.
August 30: Husband traps lizard under Tupperware container but fails to have disposal/removal/relocation plan. Husband wanders off to find necessary items and dog frees lizard in a failed attempt to eat him. Dog starves, lizard becomes permanent Gottlieb resident. Hamster is still missing.
August 31: Hamster is successfully captured and returned to (cruel) cage. Hamster is very thirsty.
September 2: Hamster is gone. I am exasperated. Hamster is clearly Houdini reincarnated.
September 4: I hear scratching behind filing cabinet in office. *sigh* Hamster is happily gobbling dog’s food. Dog’s bowl is 3 rooms away.