It’s a relatively new blog so y’all haven’t had a chance to see one of the funniest people I know.
Today we had a quick bite at Nate and Al’s. It was awesome sitting next to the dick who was complaining about how his wife wanted a ton of money for rent. Divorce is hard. I know. I marveled that his $50,000 Cartier Pasha had both a moonphase dial and a diamond crusted bezel. It must be hard, because if he could afford her rent he could’a shoved some diamonds up his ass all over the 18 karat gold band as well.
Our waitress was having a day. It was awesome when we asked her if the roast beef was rare and she just walked off. After we flagged her down she rolled her eyes and took our order.
Oh, but then my mother had the gall to ask for more half sour pickles. This time we got a sigh with our eye roll.
When I asked for an extra piece of rye bread I thought she was going to have a full blown meltdown. I was literally afraid to ask for it. With all the eye rolling, foot stomping, shoulder shrugging and deep sighing I couldn’t bring myself to ask this poor woman to actually work any more. After all it was twelve thirty…
When she slammed a piece of rye down on the table my mother looked at me and said, “She’s having a very hard day.”
“I know, she’s terrible isn’t she.” I replied.
“I’m going to leave her an extra big tip.” Mom leans into the table with a conspiratorial tone, “More than I usually would.”
At which point I burst into hysterical laughter and asked, “If she tells you to go fuck yourself will you double the tip?”