A Phone Call You Can’t Make Up: Overheard (another one not for you Mom)

10.11.08

I’m at a soccer clinic, in the bleachers when the phone rings:

ME: Hello

STACEY: Hi it’s me.

ME: Can I call you back? I’m watching the kids.

STACEY: Just one quick question. Have you ever put your finger up your vagina?

ME: [Howling with laughter] Stacey, this is insane, can I put you on speakerphone?

STACEY: No! Please don’t be Jessica the blogger, please just answer my question.

ME: Okay, what’s the question.

STACEY: I got really stoned the other night and I couldn’t remember if there was a tampon in so I put my finger in my vagina and I felt a bump. Do you have a bump there too? I think I have a tumor.

[I am now gasping for breath laughing hysterically while 25 parents look on]

ME: When you touched the tumor did it feel good?

STACEY: Uh, yeah. It felt really good.

ME: It’s your G Spot. Mazel tov Stacey, you found it.

Two hours later from home.

STACEY: I’m still worried that it’s not normal. Candy won’t answer her phone and what if it’s a tumor.

ME: Ask your OB.

STACEY: Wait until Monday? I can’t wait that long.

ME: Then google it, I’m sure you’re fine.

STACEY: I did. All I got was porn.

All any blogger needs is one Stacey in their life. Fiction could never be this grand.

  • http://momandmama.wordpress.com googiebaba

    Hysterical! I hope she… resolves this.

  • byjane

    Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???

    • JessMomMA

      Well now I’m even more confused. The idea of anything going thru my cervix other than a baby is slightly horrifying.
      I’m done searching for that g spot. Hubs is pretty good, we just figure I have challenging anatomy and have a good time anyways but there’s no way he’s going to get the okay to check that out.
      If you meant something else, my bad- I’m too busy cringing after chuckling I can’t recover
      ( a different )Jessica

  • http://binaryblonde.com Binary Blonde

    Haha! Nice! Hope her OB gives her good news on Monday.

    I have a friend like Stacey, and you’re right, everyone should have a friend like her in their life.

  • http://chemistryofjoy.wordpress.com cevbindner

    I haven’t heard anything this hilarious since I used to live with a bunch of guys. I need a girlfriend like this.

  • http://www.FLUENTSEA.com Rose Latka

    You are so brave.

  • http://www.mymanettasfam.blogspot.com TRACI

    I have never clicked off your page so quick as today….my 8 yr old was looking on….now the only thing that made me laugh harder than this was knowing I have been that mom in the bleachers laughing at something only I knew of.

  • http://www.houseofprince.blogspot.com KTP

    And we learn another reason why Jane is such a great resource!

  • http://www.thesocialreformer.com the social reformer

    lol hilarious

  • http://e-polishblog.blogspot.com/ Katee

    HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • http://www.gourmetworrier.com/ MsGourmet

    may i ask how old is Stacey?

  • Craig S.

    ***********Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???************

    But it’s not as funny…. 8-P

  • http://www.thebeautifulkind.com The Beautiful Kind

    Just wait for the phone call the first time she experiences female ejaculation. Or multiple orgasms via anal sex. SUPER MAZEL TOV will be in order then.

  • sortedlives

    Too Funny!! Even for a gay guy. Poor thing

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  • http://www.mondorfment.blogspot.com Honey

    I had a Stacy…but she found her gspot and now is too busy to call! ;)

    That’s too funny! Definitly a reason to be pro diva cup!

    Honey