A Phone Call You Can’t Make Up: Overheard (another one not for you Mom)

I’m at a soccer clinic, in the bleachers when the phone rings:

ME: Hello

STACEY: Hi it’s me.

ME: Can I call you back? I’m watching the kids.

STACEY: Just one quick question. Have you ever put your finger up your vagina?

ME: [Howling with laughter] Stacey, this is insane, can I put you on speakerphone?

STACEY: No! Please don’t be Jessica the Blogger, please just answer my question.

ME: Okay, what’s the question.

STACEY: I got really stoned the other night and I couldn’t remember if there was a tampon in so I put my finger in my vagina and I felt a bump. Do you have a bump there too? I think I have a tumor.

[I am now gasping for breath laughing hysterically while 25 parents look on]

ME: When you touched the tumor did it feel good?

STACEY: Uh, yeah. It felt really good.

ME: It’s your G Spot. Mazel tov Stacey, you found it.

Two hours later from home.

STACEY: I’m still worried that it’s not normal. Candy won’t answer her phone and what if it’s a tumor.

ME: Ask your OB.

STACEY: Wait until Monday? I can’t wait that long.

ME: Then google it, I’m sure you’re fine.

STACEY: I did. All I got was porn.

All any blogger needs is one Stacey in their life. Fiction could never be this grand.

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Comments 17

  1. Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???

    1. Well now I’m even more confused. The idea of anything going thru my cervix other than a baby is slightly horrifying.
      I’m done searching for that g spot. Hubs is pretty good, we just figure I have challenging anatomy and have a good time anyways but there’s no way he’s going to get the okay to check that out.
      If you meant something else, my bad- I’m too busy cringing after chuckling I can’t recover
      ( a different )Jessica

  2. I have never clicked off your page so quick as today….my 8 yr old was looking on….now the only thing that made me laugh harder than this was knowing I have been that mom in the bleachers laughing at something only I knew of.

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  4. ***********Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???************

    But it’s not as funny…. 8-P

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