A Phone Call You Can’t Make Up: Overheard (another one not for you Mom)

I’m at a soccer clinic, in the bleachers when the phone rings:

ME: Hello

STACEY: Hi it’s me.

ME: Can I call you back? I’m watching the kids.

STACEY: Just one quick question. Have you ever put your finger up your vagina?

ME: [Howling with laughter] Stacey, this is insane, can I put you on speakerphone?

STACEY: No! Please don’t be Jessica the Blogger, please just answer my question.

ME: Okay, what’s the question.

STACEY: I got really stoned the other night and I couldn’t remember if there was a tampon in so I put my finger in my vagina and I felt a bump. Do you have a bump there too? I think I have a tumor.

[I am now gasping for breath laughing hysterically while 25 parents look on]

ME: When you touched the tumor did it feel good?

STACEY: Uh, yeah. It felt really good.

ME: It’s your G Spot. Mazel tov Stacey, you found it.

Two hours later from home.

STACEY: I’m still worried that it’s not normal. Candy won’t answer her phone and what if it’s a tumor.

ME: Ask your OB.

STACEY: Wait until Monday? I can’t wait that long.

ME: Then google it, I’m sure you’re fine.

STACEY: I did. All I got was porn.

All any blogger needs is one Stacey in their life. Fiction could never be this grand.

Facebook Comments

  • Hysterical! I hope she… resolves this.

  • byjane

    Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???

    • JessMomMA

      Well now I’m even more confused. The idea of anything going thru my cervix other than a baby is slightly horrifying.
      I’m done searching for that g spot. Hubs is pretty good, we just figure I have challenging anatomy and have a good time anyways but there’s no way he’s going to get the okay to check that out.
      If you meant something else, my bad- I’m too busy cringing after chuckling I can’t recover
      ( a different )Jessica

  • Haha! Nice! Hope her OB gives her good news on Monday.

    I have a friend like Stacey, and you’re right, everyone should have a friend like her in their life.

  • I haven’t heard anything this hilarious since I used to live with a bunch of guys. I need a girlfriend like this.

  • You are so brave.

  • I have never clicked off your page so quick as today….my 8 yr old was looking on….now the only thing that made me laugh harder than this was knowing I have been that mom in the bleachers laughing at something only I knew of.

  • KTP

    And we learn another reason why Jane is such a great resource!

  • lol hilarious

  • HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • may i ask how old is Stacey?

  • Craig S.

    ***********Actually the bump is her cervix, if you want to be anatomically correct. The G-spot (or alleged G-spot as some would say) is much further up/in. You did know that I used to be one of those people who wrote the sex articles for the women’s magazines, didn’t you???************

    But it’s not as funny…. 8-P

  • Just wait for the phone call the first time she experiences female ejaculation. Or multiple orgasms via anal sex. SUPER MAZEL TOV will be in order then.

  • sortedlives

    Too Funny!! Even for a gay guy. Poor thing

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  • I had a Stacy…but she found her gspot and now is too busy to call! ;)

    That’s too funny! Definitly a reason to be pro diva cup!

    Honey