The Most Fun I Ever Had in Bed

02.11.09

The other night I came to bed with my iPhone. It didn’t seem particularly unusual to my husband since I often stream audiobooks or This American Life and listen to it instead of sports while I go to sleep.

It was a cold night, so I turned my back to my husband, cradled the iPhone near my gut and piled on the blankets.

“Oh, my stomach hurts.” I groaned to him.

And then I pressed this button.l1070777

And there was a farting sound.

Because he loves me, my husband ignored it.

The second time iFarted I giggled and groaned and my husband declared, “I sure hope that stops soon.”

“Honey, I’m really sorry. I think I ate something bad today.” I offered up, “Just don’t lift the covers”.

Then I laughed like a 12 year old boy hyena and pressed iFart 3 or 4 more times.

He started with a plaintive, “Honey!” and quickly escalated to, “What the fuck is the matter with you?” and, “Please go to the bathroom, I think you’re going to shit the bed.”

All the while I’m laughing and pressing and convulsing with laughter, because I think we all know that the only thing funnier than a fart, is tricking your husband.

Just as my husband was growing terribly alarmed, I pulled the phone out and showed him the app.

Honestly, it was the most fun we’ve ever had in bed.

  • http://www.thenateway.net SoreThumb

    “LOL”. What else can I say? I was stifling laughter as this post just got worse and worse. XD

    iFart must be incredibly convincing.. or you must pass some crazy gas, Jessica :P

  • http://chemistryofjoy.wordpress.com Carlota

    OMG, I think I scared my dog laughing so much. That is hilarious Jessica, I am emailing this to my husband at work.

  • http://www.lastfreevoice.com miche

    I seriously sat giggling like a schoolgirl at this one. It actually made me wonder for a sec if the doc downloaded the same app last night but I don’t think your app can contribute that sort of smell- yet.

  • CTR1, US Navy

    Carlota-

    To late; I already read it. And startled my co-worker laughing so hard! That would be an awesome joke on the ship.

  • http://www.mooreganics.mionegroup.com Laura

    Too hilarious for words!

  • http://www.theslackdaily.com the slackmistress

    I have a fart story that I shall be blogging later…but it doesn’t end as happily for all involved… ;)

  • http://www.smilingmama.blogspot.com aimee

    And this was the most fun I’ve ever had reading a post!

  • http://mskatee.blogspot.com Katee

    Dying laughing!! LOL that is too funny. What is funnier though is that instead of using iFart I just do the real thing. Serious. Don’t lift the sheets!

  • http://anniegirl1138.wordpress.com annie

    OMG! That was too funny. My husband has to read this.

  • Cyndi

    I downloaded this app after you mentioned in a tweet that this was the only app you actually paid for. It is so worth it and I played similar tricks with my husband…although not in bed so i will steal with pride this idea ;)

  • http://justinspeak.com Justin Schmidt

    Gotta love iphone fart apps. Did you see this post by TUAW on the plethora of fart apps? Pretty funny: http://www.tuaw.com/2009/02/10/31-fart-apps-in-90-seconds/

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  • http://magpiemusing.com magpie

    LOL – My sister needs this. Can I gift an app to her? Hmm…

  • TheFinalBob

    this is stupid.

  • http://artinthegarage.blogspot.com Karen Smithey

    Joel pulled the iFart on all of us. He laughed and laughed, and we did, too.

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  • http://dabbleponder.blogspot.com/ Juliana Marie

    I love this, and a guy I know may be sorry I read it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

  • Bud

    If this is the most fun you have ever had in bed maybe you should try anal sex.

  • http://slightlymordant.com Mik

    Hilarious but it wouldn’t faze my wife, she used to me farting anyway!

  • Lucky

    Most fun you’ve ever had in bed?….I’m sorry.

  • http://www.myspace.com/samgoldensings Sam

    its not that fun

  • nancy

    I’m sitting here alone at 11:30 at night laughing hysterically. This is too funny and just what I needed to end the night!

  • Teacher

    Now that you conditioned him to the I-fart, fool him tomorrow by eating brussel sprouts, onions and eggs before bed. Then do a REAL one and laugh as his expression slowly changes as he gets a whiff.

  • Melissa

    As my husband always says Fart = Funny… That was hysterical, had me in tears.

  • http://theherbedkitchen.blogspot.com Ms. Whiteplates

    I desperately want an iPhone and my only reasoning lies in the wonder of iFart. I’m serious. And thank you.

    A side note: I made my husband download the app for his iPad, I mean I made him download that and Mahjong (I feel like I’m missing 13 letters in that) because my technology wants are relatively low.

  • http://www.lissakay.com/ LissaKay

    My inner child is actually a 12 year old boy. My husband is sitting next to me wondering what impossibly crude thing I have found now to laugh at hysterically, snorts included. We’ve only been married a year and a half, but he’s getting used to me. I hope.

    Now where’s my iPod? I NEED this! Haw haw haw!

  • http://www.cathyherard.com/ Cathy H.

    I literally laughed out loud at that. Awesome.

  • http://twitter.com/TheHogga Lindsay Hogg

    HAHAHAHA That is amazing. I’m totally gonna do that!

  • http://twitter.com/TheHogga Lindsay Hogg

    HAHAHAHA That is amazing. I’m totally gonna do that!

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