The Most Fun I Ever Had in Bed

The other night I came to bed with my iPhone. It didn’t seem particularly unusual to my husband since I often stream audiobooks or This American Life and listen to it instead of sports while I go to sleep.

It was a cold night, so I turned my back to my husband, cradled the iPhone near my gut and piled on the blankets.

“Oh, my stomach hurts.” I groaned to him.

And then I pressed this button.l1070777

And there was a farting sound.

Because he loves me, my husband ignored it.

The second time iFarted I giggled and groaned and my husband declared, “I sure hope that stops soon.”

“Honey, I’m really sorry. I think I ate something bad today.” I offered up, “Just don’t lift the covers”.

Then I laughed like a 12 year old boy hyena and pressed iFart 3 or 4 more times.

He started with a plaintive, “Honey!” and quickly escalated to, “What the fuck is the matter with you?” and, “Please go to the bathroom, I think you’re going to shit the bed.”

All the while I’m laughing and pressing and convulsing with laughter, because I think we all know that the only thing funnier than a fart, is tricking your husband.

Just as my husband was growing terribly alarmed, I pulled the phone out and showed him the app.

Honestly, it was the most fun we’ve ever had in bed.

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Comments 30

  1. “LOL”. What else can I say? I was stifling laughter as this post just got worse and worse. XD

    iFart must be incredibly convincing.. or you must pass some crazy gas, Jessica :P

  2. I seriously sat giggling like a schoolgirl at this one. It actually made me wonder for a sec if the doc downloaded the same app last night but I don’t think your app can contribute that sort of smell- yet.

  3. Carlota-

    To late; I already read it. And startled my co-worker laughing so hard! That would be an awesome joke on the ship.

  4. I downloaded this app after you mentioned in a tweet that this was the only app you actually paid for. It is so worth it and I played similar tricks with my husband…although not in bed so i will steal with pride this idea ;)

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  7. Now that you conditioned him to the I-fart, fool him tomorrow by eating brussel sprouts, onions and eggs before bed. Then do a REAL one and laugh as his expression slowly changes as he gets a whiff.

  8. I desperately want an iPhone and my only reasoning lies in the wonder of iFart. I’m serious. And thank you.

    A side note: I made my husband download the app for his iPad, I mean I made him download that and Mahjong (I feel like I’m missing 13 letters in that) because my technology wants are relatively low.

  9. My inner child is actually a 12 year old boy. My husband is sitting next to me wondering what impossibly crude thing I have found now to laugh at hysterically, snorts included. We’ve only been married a year and a half, but he’s getting used to me. I hope.

    Now where’s my iPod? I NEED this! Haw haw haw!

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