The other night I came to bed with my iPhone. It didn’t seem particularly unusual to my husband since I often stream audiobooks or This American Life and listen to it instead of sports while I go to sleep.

It was a cold night, so I turned my back to my husband, cradled the iPhone near my gut and piled on the blankets.

“Oh, my stomach hurts.” I groaned to him.

And then I pressed this button.l1070777

And there was a farting sound.

Because he loves me, my husband ignored it.

The second time iFarted I giggled and groaned and my husband declared, “I sure hope that stops soon.”

“Honey, I’m really sorry. I think I ate something bad today.” I offered up, “Just don’t lift the covers”.

Then I laughed like a 12 year old boy hyena and pressed iFart 3 or 4 more times.

He started with a plaintive, “Honey!” and quickly escalated to, “What the fuck is the matter with you?” and, “Please go to the bathroom, I think you’re going to shit the bed.”

All the while I’m laughing and pressing and convulsing with laughter, because I think we all know that the only thing funnier than a fart, is tricking your husband.

Just as my husband was growing terribly alarmed, I pulled the phone out and showed him the app.

Honestly, it was the most fun we’ve ever had in bed.

Facebook Comments