I Can’t Really Tell You Why Mommy Bloggers Are Special

04.15.09

Every society has their secrets. My husband gathers with the guys to play poker and talk business, my daughter leaves notes in trees for the elves and faeries and my son will soon develop his own private moments.

Moms have them too.

Sometimes we’re loud and jolly, we guffaw and slap our hands on the table a little too loud. We watch out for our kids, and for yours too. Other times we gather in groups and whisper to one another about our troubles and fears. Typically it’s met with humor and we lift one another up and move forward.

Every so often there are late night phone calls, hurried trips around town or across the country. Casseroles are prepared and strangers become friends. We mobilize quickly and effectively; with neither preparation, instruction nor friendship. Our tribe pulls together and gets the job done.

Later we become friends.
First we are close.

We’re mothers. I’ll rock your baby if you’ll protect mine. I might know a little trick for the stuffy nose if you promise not to notice that my jeans are slipping off.

I will see you as beautiful always and forever, because I know you. Even when we’re strangers.

So, I’m very sorry that I can’t write about what mobilizes Moms. I can’t tell you why women from two different countries would call themselves friends. I won’t explain to you that these aren’t my relationships, and that I’m not really a Mommy Blogger from that group. I can’t make you see that I’m very much an outsider looking in. I’ve been trusted with a secret, and it’s theirs to tell.

The Internet gave us a smaller world. The women you watched found a way to make it work.

It’s our tribe.

  • http://www.missdisgrace.com Miss Grace

    I think it’s the same stuff that’s always held mothers together. Now we just have a larger network to call our own.

  • http://www.jpd.typepad.com Jamie Lentzner

    So true – I am not a “Mommy Blogger” either – but I call many my friends, some know more about me than my real friends (not really real – but ones I live nearby and do not know I blog or tweet). Great post – I do love the way everyone helps each other out, supports those we have never met, yet talk on either Twitter, Facebook or on Email. And on that note – how on earth are you able to blog this much – I soooo have blogger envy!

  • http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com April

    I love you.

  • http://www.mybabciasbabushka.blogspot.com Collette

    I’m not a “mommy blogger” either, but there is something here that allows us to be more open & closer to each other than out in the “real world”. I have to admit, I am closer to people I have never met in real life than I am with most people I know. Maybe it’s fate, destiny or just having that radar that leads us to find each other!

  • http://anniegirl1138.wordpress.com annie

    Minds meet in all sorts of places and when they recognize one and other, they form alliances. It’s really pretty simple but simple is hardest to explain.

  • http://www.smartassmom.com traci

    And people thought alliances were first spoken on Survivor?! Puh-leese.

    Really, you are so poetic. It flatters me that you are my friend.

  • http://chemistryofjoy.wordpress.com Carlota

    You warm my heart with your writing Jessica. You are a wonderful example of why, despite the dangers the internet poses, the time spent online is worth it.

  • http://www.bakespace.com babette

    Nice piece – saw it on facebook so I thought I’d jump over and take a peak!

    @Collette – I think the reason online friendships seem deeper sometimes (IMHO) is that they update their profiles so we have a clear picture of where they are and what they are thinking. Posting online sometimes gives us the opportunity to say what’s on our mind without being in a room full of people and watching what we’re saying. You getting a real moment of thought instead of a rehearsed spiel.

    I think women have the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes instantly which makes us connect to someone we don’t know – a news story about a lost child, a business owner who find success or post about someone being mean to an online friend. I don’t know if men do that very often. I think they can imagine what the person is going through, but women can “feel” what the person is going through. That’s a bond you can’t explain. :)

    I think growing up around a kitchen table (like many of us have) created a need for community – it’s one that women can start & create instantly.. in line at the grocery store! :) And we’re ok with having a moment as long as it’s meaningful.

    Thanks for opening up this thought to comments …

  • http://megger1018.blogspot.com/ Meghan Harvey

    Superb.

  • http://mommyismoody.com Zoeyjane

    I think you kind of clinched it. Because we would do all of those first-natured things in person, we find a way to do them online as well. It’s just what we do, I figure.

  • http://welcometothejuggle.blogspot.com Juggle Jane

    Word.

  • http://acesmommy.blogspot.com Jo

    Wow that was so great! Very well said.

  • http://www.livingagermanlife.blogspot.com Suki

    Hey, you wrote it beautifully and absolutly nailed it.

  • http://mthfrandme.blogspot.com/ Jennifer

    Awesome!!

  • http://www.thesidelinesoflife.blogspot.com Kimert

    Great post! :)

  • http://www.hopestudios.blogspot.com Jennifer Juniper

    You nailed it for sure! You gave me goosebumps and I agree with it all. Glad to be part of the tribe. Thanks to SITS for introducing me to you.

  • http://mrsfussypants.com Alli Worthington

    Well written as usual, Jessica.

    My experience with the mommy-blogging community (and the larger community of women online) has been awesome. We rally for each other and love each other fiercely.

    Just like life, it’s not always perfect. But it’s awesome.

  • http://franticmommy.blogspot.com/ FranticMommy

    Wow! That was AWSOME! Women rock!

  • http://verygoodyear.wordpress.com Tatiana

    This is a great, thought-provoking post. My online friendships are so important to me, and I love the community spirit of “mommy bloggers”.

  • http://www.ryanashleyscott.blogspot.com/ Ryan Ashley Scott

    We do band together, because when you hear about someone going through one of your fears as a mother, it’s like a punch in the gut. We can empathize with each other and we really, truly want to be helpful and make the world a better place for our kids. It’s amazing, the connection between strangers that can spark in an instant over a simple “nose-picking” conversation and flame into a full-on friendship.

  • http://meandtheblueskies.blogspot.com Preston

    So true. And I’m obviously not a mommy blogger. But I am a daddy blogger even though my daughter is going to be 30 this year. As a SITS member, I have been fortunate enough to meet many mommy bloggers, read their blogs, and participate in their events.

  • http://www.youngandrelentless.com Connie @ Young and Relentless

    Very well said! My husband will never understand what my online friendships mean to me. What matters is that I find great comfort and joy from them and they make my life better.

  • http://www.anticswithangie.com Angie

    This post was right on. I am so thankful that blogging came into my life because I have made some of the most wonderful friendships of my life with other women that I never would’ve met otherwise!

  • http://renee-esparza.blogspot.com Always a Southern Girl

    Wonderful post. I so enjoyed reading it. Thanks!

  • http://www.oneshetwoshe.com Jessica

    Thank you for your great post…. made me think:)

  • http://theatoztwins.blogspot.com MommyAmy

    Beautiful post! Once you become a mom you understand what it’s like to have a mom’s heart. It makes you vulnerable in a whole new way, which is why we have such a bond. :)

  • http://letsembellish.blogspot.com/ Rita

    Lovely, and totaly true!

  • http://ngaiosixpack.blogspot.com/ scrappysue

    totally agree. it’s the bonding and making things happen. blogging women in general – ROCK!

  • http://ichnoart.blogspot.com/ Rebecca

    You said it so wonderfully!

  • http://www.blessed-quiver.blogspot.com Michelle

    That was beautiful.

  • http://www.snotw.com Rachael

    Beautifully stated!