Recycling Tennis Balls During Cocktail Hour

04.12.09

I play tennis. A lot.

My husband plays a few days a week too (he’s more employed than I). Between the two of us there are about eight cans of tennis balls being used each week.

Typically I save the old tennis balls and drop them off at the dog park when I’ve filled a grocery sack, but recently I’ve noticed a change in my neighborhood.

Traffic.

Apparently the navigation systems make it easier for folks to meander around the side streets during rush hour. Which is awesome, if you aren’t speeding. I’m noticing that around 5pm there are cars flying down my street.

If you follow me on Twitter, you’d also know that 5pm is the beginning of cocktail hour. Cocktail hour means I get creative and I lose my inhibitions (there weren’t a ton of them to begin with).

Every so often you’ll find me sitting on the bench in my front yard with a bucket of tennis balls and a glass of Merlot. When I hear an engine revving at the end of the street, and I know they’re getting ready for the Grand Prix I calmly dip my hand into the bucket.

And chuck a tennis ball right into the middle of the road.

When the car comes to a screeching halt, freaked out and thinking that a kid might come running after the ball I am deeply satisfied. I sip my wine and listen for the next car.

It’s called recycling.

  • http://www.smminstitute.com Bill Lublin

    OMG You are the absolute pinnacle of human evolution – next time throw one for me willya please?
    ;-)

  • http://www.xanga.com/willibaldoea WillibaldoEa

    Oh. My. Gosh. You’re my hero! I’d say you’re my favorite drunk, but I’m partial to Kiki. Sorry, Gottlieb.

  • http://virgininthevolcano.blogspot.com/ Virgin in the Volcano

    Oh, Poodle, for a second I almost felt something. But we’ve got to hand it to Gottlieb here. This tennis ball recycling business is very special.

  • http://www.gourmetworrier.com/ MsGourmet

    You’re my kind of recycler!

  • http://sunleyemrys.wordpress.com Holly

    Omg YES… I am SO doing that here, people in Calgary are fucking stupid when it comes to driving.

  • http://blog.shapingyouth.org Amy Jussel

    Dang, Jessica, that’s almost as brilliant as the ‘invisible rope’ trick that my daughter’s gang does tugging on either side of the street as if there’s a wire there. Slows ‘em right down. The turkeys. Now about those tennis balls…my golden is sorely lacking in the recycled finds as of late, so maybe when I head to L.A. next week we can connect and you can put some in my trunk? ;-) (Going to the EARTH premiere…you?)

  • http://dirtandnoise.com ilinap

    I would like to try this at red lights. You know, toss balls at the people who are busy texting and don’t see the light turn green. I might even recruit my kids to toss balls to tailgaters out their windows. Tailgating is rampant in these parts.

  • http://basilqueen.blogspot.com adele

    HA! Beautiful. Just beautiful.

  • http://mommyismoody.com Zoeyjane

    That. Is. Awesome.

  • http://www.socalmom.net Donna

    OMG. Do you have any extra tennis balls you can give me? I am so tired of the people speeding up my street – your way sounds lots more effective than just giving them the finger.

  • http://www.smartassmom.com traci

    I have threatened to do this for years….I’d given anything to see the look on some teenagers face when I chuck a ball at their car. Not to mention it would help my placement shots.

  • http://www.bookieboo.com Leah

    I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard when I read this.

  • http://itaintwilliam.blogspot.com willam

    that’s hilarious. but why do you have to stop using tennis balls after playing a game with them? do they go ‘bad’ or something?

  • http://my2boyzboeldt.blogspot.com Susan@my2boyz

    LOVE IT!!! LOVE IT!!!! LOVE IT!!!!

  • auntie mei

    CHEERS!!

  • http://themamabee.blogspot.com/2009/03/please-read-this-before-reading-my-blog.html Mary

    OMG! Ha ha ha haaaa! Priceless! I actually pictured you in my mind! Funny! You are my kind of writer! I’ll be coming back for more! :oD

  • http://compostermom.blogspot.com Daisy

    This is a fabulous, creative, evil, and wonderful idea! I don’t have cans of tennis balls in the garage; I’ll check out the rummage sales.

  • http://dottedfish.com dottedfish

    This is dangerous and stupid. You should seriously think about doing something like this.

    1. What if the drivers goes into shock and steers odly, crashing into another car, people or similar?
    2. What if the drivers lose their shock reflex and next time they see a ball coming they just drive on and eventually a child will come running after the ball this time.

    Seriously, this is highly dangerous and you should reconsider your selection of hobbies.

  • http://www.artinthegarage.blogspot.com Karen Smithey

    You’re awesome.

  • DaQuann

    Comment again when somebody pulls out a gun and shoots your drunken a**!

  • http://resourcefulmommy.com Amy, the Resourceful Mommy

    Pictures. I would like to see pictures. No, better yet…video!

  • Pingback: How Will I Recycle My Tennis Balls?

  • http://www.rockanddrool.com melissa

    here in michigan, we use rocks to solve the traffic problem in our neighborhood. perhaps tennis balls would be the gentler, kinder…greener…way.

  • http://OhSocial.com Carole Hicks

    Probably your best post ever, IMHO. XOXO! — Carole

  • Brooke

    I work as a nanny in a neighborhood with very narrow streets and a 25mph speed limit. I have stopped bus drivers, neighbors and the HOA PRESIDENT in the middle of the road and informed them that I don’t appreciate them putting everyone on the sidewalk in harms way. I might need to go to Costco and buy a case of tennis balls. Brilliant, madam. Brilliant.

  • Kathryn

    that is brilliant, love!

  • Coop

    Careful, I believe this is illegal. I used to do this with a soccer ball and was advised by a policeman that throwing anything towards a moving vehicle is a misdemeanor.