Seder

04.9.09

Last night I fulfilled my obligation to tell my children the story of the exodus.

There was absolutely no joy for me, I was exhuasted, as I’d spent the night prior being terrorized in my dreams. As we sang ancient songs about Jews being enslaved, I held hands with my Auntie, who spent her childhood as a slave in the camps.

I thought about Maddie, a lot, and I wondered if maybe G-d wanted her to experience only joy, so he took her to be with him before she could grow.

I am incredibly melancholy and grateful and inspired, all in one.

Forgive me, because I don’t have much to share with you until I shake this. I hate that nothing will make Mike and Heather okay. I’m not much for prayer, but I’m finding myself whispering their names a lot. To G-d you know, asking him for help.

I took a screenshot of Heather’s twitter page, because every time I look at it my heart skips a beat and I forget to breathe.

Give to the March of Dimes

It won’t make you feel good, but it’ll make you feel a little less awful.

maddie-tweets

  • http://www.theslackdaily.com the slackmistress

    My cousin lost a child. Different circumstances, but the same destination. It’s the first time I really understood that grief has a rippling effect. While you can’t alleviate their pain, you can share their burden.

    I’m not a pray-er either, but I have “talk to the Universe” moments. This family has been in my thoughts.

  • http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com April

    I’m completely haunted by this, but also so encouraged by the love and support that so many shown (both through their words and their wallets), even those of us who don’t know them all that well. My parents lost a child, and they were also moved by the outpouring that’s been shown to Heather and Mike.

  • http://icouldcrybutidonthavetime.wordpress.com amyz5

    there are no words. it makes you hold your own closer to you and realize how fragile it all is. hard to go through the motions of everyday living when you know of others suffering such horrible loss.

    love your kids. hold them. watch them sleep. and let them be all they can be.

    love to you from our family to yours. right coast to left coast and back again.

  • http://anniegirl1138.wordpress.com annie

    I’ve stopped wondering about the “why” of death because I know there isn’t an answer any of us would find acceptable if we were allowed to know it.

    I try not to think about losing anyone else, but sometimes I can’t keep those thoughts completely at bay. The most painful thing about it is that life keeps going on and it feels like it shouldn’t.

  • http://www.ciaranblumenfeld.com Ciaran/Momfluentialci

    You said this so well Jessica. We had a seder last night too and although I was wasted with exhaustion I woke at 4 am to nightmares and dreams and wishes that it was just a bad dream. Never went back to sleep. My stomach is wrenching, I want to throw up. I want time to reverse. There are a pair of Francie-Pants in the hallway, that I’d set aside to send to Maddie. I’d been meaning to send them all last week, and have been swept up in all the things in my life, so they sat there and sat there. I don’t know what to do with them now. I don’t want to restock them, to sell them. I don’t want to give them away. It’s so stupid, it’s just a *thing*, but honestly, I cannot stop crying. I never even met her but I can feel the tangible void her spirit has left behind and there is no sensemaking.

    My son is two months younger. He’s been fussy the last few days. I have not lost patience with him. I don’t want to put him down. Not even for a minute.

  • http://mrspop007.blogspot.com Mrs Pop

    I still tear up when I think about this. It hits home, but not becuase I’ve experienced this loss or know anyone personally who has… I guess because I’m a mother and don’t know how I’d be able to breathe another breath if I lost my child.

    I gave to the March of Dimes. I’m trying to get my company to match my donation even though it is not during the official matching time.

  • http://www.MarVistaMom.com Sarah Auerswald

    Even though I’m not religious, I do believe that there’s another dimension or heaven or whatever. And I believe they pick out people they need up there for some of the heavy lifting, metaphorically-speaking. I know that’s why my mom died when she did, my dad, too — and now Maddie.

    Just one woman’s belief system.

  • http://hormonecoloreddays.blogspot.com kim/hormone-colored days

    We not only had a sweet blue-eyed one year-old named Maddie at our seder, but also two moms who are in the same unfortunate club as Heather. These mom lost their children, childhood friends of mine, in unrelated incidents just a week apart when their kids where in their 20s. My mind was reeling by how surreal and impossible it all seemed.

    I made a small donation to MoD in the family’s honor. Obviously many mom bloggers have done the same. I’ve never been so proud to be part of the Mom-Borg Collective.