Housewife on the Verge: ISO Los Angeles’ Best Plumber

I only have time for a quick post, cuz ya know, I have to play tennis and all…

I have a leak. It comes from upstairs into my kitchen. It is infuriating. About three years ago a section of ceiling came crashing down to my kitchen floor under the weight of the water. I called a plumber and they couldn’t find the leak.

I called another plumber.

And another.

I have had no less than a dozen plumbers to home to find the leak. I have paid thousands of dollars to stinky, smelly plumbers who trudge up my stairs in filthy shoes and snarl at me when I ask them to put on the booties and for the Love Of Gawd Wash Your Hands. No one has fixed the leak, one was chased out by me after he wanted toilet tissue to put down the shower drain.

Please do not call me and tell me you have the best plumber in Los Angeles, I’ve been that route. There is a drip of a few tablespoons a quarter. It is very difficult to locate and seems to occur when the washing machine is on the rinse cycle and the upstairs toilet is simultaneously flushed and/or the shower is running. The pink jacuzzi tub (jealous now?) has been tended to, it’s unlikely that the tub is the issue, but be forewarned, it is ugly and it will hurt your eyes.

I can’t throw more good money after bad.

If you are a plumber in Los Angeles and you think you can come into this home, fix the leak and not stink up my house, contact me.

I am willing to pay $250 in labor 60 days after I’ve been leak free. Naturally, I will pay for parts. Yes, I will be checking your license and bonds before you come to my home. I won’t pay anything if the leak isn’t fixed. If you fix my leak, I will declare you The Best Plumber In Los Angeles. I will make you a scepter out of toilet tissue rolls and aluminum foil, and I will reverentially refer to you as “Your Majesty” (okay maybe not).

If you want I’ll put out a press release on the PR Newswire. I will pimp the crap out of your business, but first, you’ve got to find the leak that is driving me crazy.

Facebook Comments


  1. Girl-
    You’re going about it ALL wrong. One call to me. :)
    We’ll get you back to your tennis skirt in no time…

  2. and then…send him to my house because we had a leak from the bathroom upstairs and it poured through the chandelier in the kitchen onto the kitchen table.
    my husband…who is a teacher. NOT a plumber. decided to gut that said bathroom. this, my friend, was almost a year ago.
    the bathroom remains broken and unused.
    the leak was fixed because he took the sink and ENTIRE vanity and smashed it.
    so yes. i need a plumber. AND home construction. sigh

    • That’s what 2 hours ran me before, and I’ll hand this blog over to them. That’s got to have some value.

  3. I knew I should have dropped out of college and gone to plumber school. Damn it!

  4. Oh, that’s so annoying. I wish all house problems were like “House” where no matter how difficult the problem was to diagnose, there was someone puzzling it out all the way through.

  5. Selfish Mom and Melissa-

    ‘House’ style attack of home problems… check. That’s what I do!
    Let me know if I can help. Plumbers (minus plumbers crack) are one of my specialties.

  6. Di

    Just like cars, furniture and clothing everything is throw away now. Hadn’t you heard? So throw that house away and buy a new one. It’s a plumbers conspiracy I think.

    The Blue Ridge Gal


    Hello ladies Declan the plumber.I have read your comments and am sorry to hear about such lack of trust in our profession.Over the years i have found that if you go through 3 to 4 plumbers for the one problem a lot of the reason is the way you welcome the plumber into your house and the way you talk maybe down to him like smelly and filthy.I would never touch your plumbing problem or your or take you up on your offer because you reek of distrust and snobbery.You will find some one but you will pay the price for it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *