Some Mommy Blogging

I haven’t really talked much about the kids lately, and it’s mostly good. There hasn’t been a big milestone, too often milestones are marked by trips to the Emergency Room or the school.

Jane has one soccer game left in her school season and Alexander is about to start his Little League Season. Mr. G is Alexander’s Little League coach, and like every year, he feels like he can’t possibly make the time. Like every year, the time is there and father and son have a wonderful springtime. I get to cheer, and read books, because baseball is slow. Very slow.

Valentine’s Day was nice. We hung out and swam. Yes, East Coast, its was a balmy 84 degrees all weekend so we spent it in the pool. Jane picked out lipstick for me, I got the kids a few sweet gifts, and we got Mr. G the ice cream cake he loves. It was a low maintenance Valentine’s Day and we all enjoyed it.

Alexander had some stomach pains last week, and now he has a drippy nose. As soon as I get him to the doctor for one symptom it’s gone and another one kicks in. He hasn’t actually gotten sick, but he seems to flirt with it. When he’d woken for the third day in a row with a stomachache but no fever (as the back of my hand would take his temperature). So finally I get him to the doctor, but by the time I walk through the door I’m imagining Crone’s disease and stomach cancers, I’m not thinking virus. Thank goodness the doctor is. She said he had a tiny fever (like 99.2) so it was probably the same virus the other 12 kids in her office had that morning. Just to be sure though we would need a stool sample.

Yep. Now I’m a shit collector. In order to get a stool sample you wait until your kid needs to go and you put a piece of saran wrap over the back half of the toilet. When they have a bowel movement you take your rubber gloves and use a tongue depressor to put a bit of the feces into a collection jar. Then you wrap it in aluminum foil SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO SEE IT. You take the saran wrap, the gloves and the shit covered stick and you place them in your awful neighbor‘s trash bin (because they’re out on the street anyhow). Since it is 5pm and the lab closes at 5.30 you take your son’s feces and put it in about 800 ziploc bags and store them in the refrigerator. The next morning, when you are ready to take the chilled shit to the lab, your son wakes up feeling “just great mom”. But now he has a runny nose, and I absolutely am not taking him to the doctor for a clear drippy nose. I have to save my money for a few good therapy sessions and a new refrigerator.

It’s mostly easy around here. The kids are good, they’re doing well in school, they’re playing nicely with their friends and although they’re more independent each day there’s a lot for me to do.

Last week when I went with Alexander on his field trip he was unhappy. He didn’t want me there. Then he stood with me at lunch in front of all of his friends kissing my cheek and whispering in my ear, “Mom, I’m so embarrassed that you’re here. I really wish you weren’t here. This is embarrassing.” And he kept kissing me.

That’s where we’re at.

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Comments 10

  1. I just got a visual of this entire process. I haven’t had to get a stool sample from the kid yet. Sigh, but I’ve done it for our dogs several times. Life as a mom. I want to sign up Angry Kid for Little League this year, but yet again, he wasn’t old enough. He had to be 5 by April 1st, he turns 5 in May.

  2. Imagine not being the collector of the shit but being the poor soul who has to test it, nothing like centrifuging shit…I would know having worked as a vet technician.

  3. I always forget how much I enjoy reading your blogs…

    Thank God Face book lets met know when you post things up. I being a kid at one point in time felt as though you were writing about me to some degree…

    The embarassing mommy…the stool collector….all that fun. Oh dear.

    Haha.

  4. It reminds me of a time about 8 years or so ago when my son picked up the stomach flu. He puked on me two or three times. I tried to convince myself that it was like wearing a Jackson Pollock Painting, except it was warm.

    Good times.

  5. oh yes, the shit in a kagillion bags placed in the fridge in a spot that isn’t really close enough to anything that it may touch it.
    been there.
    done that.
    ugh.
    xoxo

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