My Boobs Can’t Do Downward Facing Dog

I’m a little sore from my last trip to the gym.

I showed up just in time for a fantastic yoga class, rolled out my mat, and enjoyed a slow introduction. We moved from standing poses to warrior and then to downward facing dog. I was okay for the first sun salutation, but by the second, as I pointed my forehead to the ground, my breasts did the same. Right out of the top of my bra.

Luckily yoga is an introspective class, unlike kickboxing, turbo street dancing and others, yoga folks don’t watch one another. I was able to discreetly pop the girls back into my bra, and continue. Once. The second time it was embarrassing, and the third time was downright humiliating. My breasts and I left yoga early.

Since I still needed a workout, and I’m reading a great book, I went and found a stationery bicycle. I parked my ass down, set it for level 7, and started pedaling and reading. Unfortunately when I looked up from my book, Regis and Kelly were on the monitor in front of me. I’m guessing Kelly has never left yoga class because her tits spilled out the top of her bra. I’m also pretty sure she doesn’t read while she works out.

I left the bicycle in favor of the elliptical, and it took all my self control to not declare, “I”m on this fucking elliptical because Kelly Rippa is a skinny bitch.”

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Comments 17

  1. LOL! I get dizzy when my head is below my shoulders. That’s why I don’t do Yoga. Mmm hmm. That’s exactly why. ;)

    And now I have to go run. There are too many skinny bitches around here and I want to be one of them.

  2. Thanks for the laugh this morning. Been there, sister! I finally went out & bought real sports bras in my “real” womanly 40+ (age and bra) size. Haven’t had that problem sisnce…

  3. Yeah, my problem during downward dog is with the “other” end of things. 2 vaginal deliveries later in life shot my pelvic floor muscles. I love yoga and I know everyone’s supposed to be all ohm and mellow and mature, but I can’t help but believe that they’re all laughing to themselves as I queef several times after downward dog. Ugh. (And I can’t believe I just posted that in public….)

  4. Not that I’m sitting here imagining your boobs leaping from your sports bra, but I’m sure I would have died. That is to say, also, if I had boobs that resembled anything other than ant hills.

    I need a good run and maybe a downward facing dog. Just because I can. And, sometimes, I can be a skinny bitch like that. :)

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  6. I’m right there with you. Even with a heavy sports bra PLUS another on top to suck my breasts in, I still pop out the top sometimes. The whole reason I wear TWO sports bras is because my boobs popped out all the time! I have F’s and they are not made for yoga. I like yoga too much, though, to stop going, but some days I wish there was a special needs class for me.

  7. I remember the days of small boobs( A cup)! That was the day before my daughter was born 18 yrs ago( day after delivery D cup). Then once I began breast feeding they grew and never shrunk down to the original size. I’ve lost weight and they stay big. I actually toyed with a D cup this last week at Victoria’s secret, the young woman measuring me felt I should at least try a D cup on. I voted for the C, and hoped like hell they will shrink with some more weight loss. If not, I am probably going to get a reduction. They are sagging, (Curse you gravity!!!!!!!!!!!) and the grossest part is the clear stretch marks that are remnants of my milk producing years. Yes, the stretch marks are a reminder of the gift God gave me, but I find stretch marks gross and unattractive. I don’t want my mom’s boobs(which I have now, UGH). I don’t want Pam Anderson’s either, I would be happy with what I had at age 20. A nice size perky B cup that looked great in a t shirt, bathing suit or flattering dress, but didn’t scream HEY LOOK AT ME, or fall out of my bra. I do yoga daily, and have to strap them down with a front closure sports bra. I laugh at myself, because I notice while drying off after a shower, that one points down and the other one doesn’t. I would never get plastic surgery to please my husband, honestly, he doesn’t care what they look like. He just loves me, as I am. It’s me that wants them smaller and pointing the same direction. I joke with my daughter that she should appreciate her size B perfect “girls”, because I AM her boob’s future in 21 years! LOL I also remind her of her gramma’s “girls” and then she really gets a little freaked about the gravitational forces that will eventually cause them to almost reach her navel and lack any firmness at all by age 60. :)
    I DO celebrate that without any help from doctors, I look a good decade younger than most of the women I went to high school with! They are wrinkly, and I have oily skin, so I am not! We all have things good and bad we love about our bodies. The list of likes is longer than the list of don’t likes for me. I hope everyone’s list is like that too. If it isn’t, it should be.

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