Monthly Archives: April 2010

Something has happened. Now that I have a new car I’m listening to First Wave. I’m happily stuck in traffic bopping along to Adam and the Ants, New Order, Depeche Mode, UB40 and more. When you combine the music of my middle school with the friends that facebook offers, I can’t help but find myself lost in reverie, romanticizing the awkward years of middle school.

I remember dancing alone to Madonna’s Holiday in the months leading up to my Bat Mitzvah. I remember praying for pimples to disappear, I was sure G-d could and would help with that. I remember wearing parachute pants over long underwear and jelly shoes that our mothers schlepped downtown to purchase for us.

I also distinctly remember being asked, “what exactly are you?” When I’d wear my beloved creepers, dye strands of hair purple, or date the poor boy from Torrance.

I would whisper, “me, I guess”, because I wasn’t a mod, or a new waver, I couldn’t be a punk and preppy was attractive, but it was a phase that had passed.

Now I’m a forty year old woman who can’t answer a simple question. “What do you do for a living?”

I typically reply, “I’m a housewife.” Because this still seems like a hobby.

Once in a blue moon I’ll say, “I’m a mommy blogger”, and then when people are looking for my third eye or hunchback, I find myself tripping over my own words in an attempt to make sure that they understand that I’m not like them. Then I feel bad, because Mommy Bloggers aren’t all bad, but I do understand the disdain.

I’m a blogger I suppose, I’m a mom and a blogger and I’m pretty passionate about food, and very passionate about the planet.

I’m a chick with a really great internet connection, and a limited filter. What exactly are you?

I know that your child is gifted, because you told me.

You told me how smart she was the day we met. And then, the next day, on the phone you reminded me that she was highly gifted.

I might not have noticed how incredibly gifted your son was, what with him digging in his ass all day…

I’m pretty sure you know that there are many gifts that children have. There are gifts easily measured on IQ tests, there are gifts of humility and gifts of humanity. There are children who are extremely gifted in the arts, the sciences and some kids are just plain average but they have beautiful smiles.

Your highly gifted kid is bugging me. Teach them some manners, some humility and teach the little prince to shake hands and make eye contact.

Your entitlement, as the parent of a highly gifted child, is building a wall around your child. Unfortunately it’s a wall of parents who have their backs turned. We’re not interested in your kid’s IQ until you can figure out a way to discuss all of our children without making yours first. We don’t want ill mannered brats in our home. We’re pretty sure that we’re smarter than your seven year old, and we do not wish to be challenged by a child.

I gifted my kids with basic manners. Your turn.

In the Autumn of 1971 I was about a year and a half old. My parents had just moved to Hollywood, and my mom started making friends at Pointsettia Park. Marie’s mom was one of handful of women who we kids would only recognize by the backs of their heads.

For the next thirty nine years our mothers would gather ’round circular tables in one another’s kitchen or dining room and chat over coffee, tea, heavy cheeses and, in the evenings, wine. They were married women, some of them, but the friendships were about the Moms, and us kids would play together. We became as close as our mothers had, loving each other no matter what.

My first friend, Marie, who I met in the park in 1971. My friend who I didn’t choose, much like family, my friend who was chosen for me, needs your help.

Marie  left college at 21, there was a big event that kept her from being able to continue her studies. It is personal, but it’s a good reason (as most are).

Fast forward almost twenty years, and Marie re-enrolls at one of the California State Schools. She is an excellent student even though she is juggling a very difficult degree program with working full time, a husband, and two children. They budget their time and their money, college will be a stretch for them, but with some financial aid (mostly in the form of loans) it is doable and it is a good investment for the entire family.

California State Tuition increases at a lightening pace, Marie smiles and, “keeps on chugging forward” (her words not mine). Marie applies for a little bit more in the way of loans, and she is denied.

Marie has been a student too long, and is no longer eligible for federal financial aid. This is crippling news. If Marie doesn’t finish her degree (not going to happen) her other loans come due immediately. Marie, and her family of four, have made huge sacrifices and she is not prepared to walk away without the degree.

Here’s where I need your help. If Marie spends hours and days scouring the internet for smaller student loans, grants, and scholarships she won’t have enough time to do what’s in front of her. Marie was hoping y’all could help.

I know my audience is diverse so we’re asking you to help lay a path so Marie can do the footwork. Please use the comment section to post links to any lesser known scholarships, loans or grants that you may know of. If they are specific to state, we are in California. Marie is working towards a design degree in Landscape Architecture at a Public University. She is a working mom and a married lady.

I’m asking you, because this is family for me, please share your knowledge. We need help.

Remember when Jane got Moody? Well, one of my favorite moms framed it up nicely for me. Elizabeth who has two girls older than my own who I think are fabulous.

Elizabeth gave me a cat and dog analogy, but here it is in context.

From the moment Jane was born she looked to me and to her father for guidance. She walked with us, she mimicked us, she snuggled us and we delighted in one another. She was like an adoring labrador, playing games, swimming, loping, and always wanting us.

Jane is morphing into a cat. She’s gaining independence, separating from us. On her terms we are allowed to stroke her hair, snuggle her and play her games, but Jane isn’t looking for Mom and Dad as much as she did in her early childhood. Jane is looking to her peers.

I try and give her space, I participate in the parts of her world that she wants me in, and I quietly observe the other. I am fascinated by my sleek new child and I ache for more of her. I want to know about her fascination with Robert Pattinson, but she just blushes and gives me the “oh Mom”. I want to hold her hand in public, I have two and Alexander only requires one.

I want to pull her in close and say, “Jane, you’re still one of us, you’re still a Gottlieb and we need more of you.” Instead I say yes to sleepovers that I wish she didn’t want, I say yes to long bike rides that take her out all afternoon, I say yes to sleepaway camp and to walks and trips to the store. Inside I’m falling apart, I need Jane more than she needs me. She’s my first child, the one who taught me how to love. She made me a mother and indebted me to the universe. My soul wants to cling to her; my head knows better.

My sweet Jane, the cat.

So… a little while ago I spoke about Generosity at the 140Conf.com.

Those guys at Ippio. They’re very givey.

Here’s my talk

I’m in New York and I’m surrounded by the best, brightest and most inclusive women I know. There are men here too, but once you get caught in the Cathy Brooks tornado, you are whirled through a room of girlpower that would make Jessica Valenti giddy.

The 140 Conference hasn’t begun, but the energy has shifted. Jeff Pulver once again brings together everyone you wanted to know.
I’m simply awestruck.

I had my first Dinner with David Devore, who is this little guy’s dad

Then a quick cocktail, hugs and whatnot with the conference folks, but I had to run out early because I really wanted to meet up with Melissa C Morris. She Always makes me giggle and feel like all is right in the world.

Back to the hotel to crash. Hard. I have an early wakeup call so that I can sit and absorb this conference tomorrow.

Also, I want to make it abundantly clear that my last post was about social media, and food was just sort window dressing. Food conversations are interesting (to me) but, I wonder if I was too concise.

Maybe I needed to be clearer so I’ll say it again, though I mention food, the post was about social media, who you should trust and why.