This morning I had phone calls from two ad networks. Neither phone call was successful. I mean, they were successful in that the ad network representatives were nice, and they were thoughtful, but we won’t have working relationships any time soon.

In case you’re reading this and you aren’t a blogger, let me bring you up to speed on what an ad network is. An Ad Network is a business that puts little buttons of advertising on blogs. They also may create microsites where their publishers can add content. Advertisers (think really big corporations) then pay money to get their product featured on the site. Ad Networks will sell millions of impressions at a time to a company and then distribute it through their vertical channels. In this instance I was to be part of a “parenting” vertical channel, perhaps they would sell advertising to a diaper company. I would be one of a few dozen sites to run their artwork. That is a vertical. Ad Networks sell verticals.

Since I’m mostly stuttery and annoyed let me give you a few highlights from the two phone calls:

• I’m not familiar with your blog, but I imagine our advertisers wouldn’t want to be on it today, you know, with the dog and all.  Why are you calling me? Do you NOT prepare for work?
• If you won’t advertise packaged food or Walmart, what will you advertise? There is a world outside of frankenfood. Double dog swear.
• You don’t have much traffic. Neither do your other publishers, stop talking to me like I’m stupid.
• Some of our publishers might have the tracking code in more than one place, but they do deliver on all their traffic. …. and I call bullshit
• I don’t want to influence your content, but….  just let me get off the phone with you. You know we hate each other at this point, right?
• We could offer you $3CPM before the 50/50 split but I don’t know if I can sell ads on your site. Why haven’t I hung up the phone yet?
  
• Would you advertise diapers? Yes, but it would be a stupid way for them to spend their money.

And so it went.

But the remarkable thing about both phone calls was that they were incoming. I’m not saying you have to read every word I write, but before you tell me that my content isn’t a good match for your company, take a look at the post titles (at a minimum) and understand why you’re making a phone call.

I could change up my template and add a click for y’all. I guess then I would be able to double (maybe even triple) my pageviews. I guess that’s why so many folks have switched to templates that have teasers.

Mom Blogging is delightful.

The business of blogging is not.