Last night there was a DUI Checkpoint over in front of Universal City.
I’d had a glass of wine, I mean, really who hasn’t by 9pm?
As I approached Universal Nissan, all I could see were lines of LAPD officers and bright spotlights. I pulled into the coned off aisle and went to grab my iPhone. I thought, this is the biggest film production I’ve seen in a while. Which is exactly what I told the officer when he stopped my car and asked me to roll down the window.
Officer NotARentACopForAFilmCrew was giving me a look that I’ve often seen my husband give me. I’m pretty sure he thought I was beautiful (because the only other option is that he was perplexed). “Ma’am, this here is a DUI Checkpoint. Have you had anything to drink tonight?” He asked me.
“Well yes, I just had a glass of wine. It was a really fruity Merlot, not at all satisfying…” I began.
“Ma’am, if you would please just look at my fingers, I’d like you to follow my fingers with your eyes, do not move your head.” And then he pointed two fingers to the sky and started waving his hand around from left to right.
“I’m doing my best officer, but I just had a bit of bad botox, so if you could please just not go so far to the left…” And then he shushed me and asked for my driver’s license.
“We’re also checking to see that everyone has a driver’s license. I don’t need to see your license. Just please show me that you have one.” and he shined a light into my car.
I tried to squint my eyes, because of the bright light and all, but squinting has gone by the wayside, what with the botox and all. So I got my driver’s license out to show him.
“Ma’am you don’t need to hand me your license, I just need to see that you have one.” But it was too late, I was already handing him my license, and if I’m going to be honest, I just wanted him to see what I’d look like on a good hair day.
He waved me along and was looking at the sky. My husband does that a lot too, but I’m pretty sure he’s making sure there are no leaks in the ceiling. I can’t imagine what the officer was looking for up there.