Monthly Archives: May 2010

Facebook has changed their privacy settings again, and if you don’t live in a tech space you might not understand why all the geeks are screaming about the end of their illusions of privacy.

What often happens in social media (as in every part of our lives) is that one person makes a valid point about best practices not being heeded, and it spirals into an Orwellian tirade about Big Brother. Which is wrong.

If you hear folks yelling about Facebook breaking their trust, then please send them to me. I have a bridge to sell them. The moment you enter your personal data onto anyone’s site but your own, it is public. Frankly, your own sites aren’t all that secure.

Anything you write down in any venue, be it paper, email, text or forms is public information. If you have a secret, whisper it, do not write it down.

What are best practices as they relate to online privacy? Unfortunately this is a question that will get a fluid response. Some Social Media Enthusiasts have come to expect that social networks will protect their private data. I do not expect anyone to protect me online, but me. Until recently the default for sharing information online was for companies to ask you to “opt in”. With both Facebook and with Constant Contact, I am finding that they are relying on you to “opt out”. To many people this feels like a violation of privacy. Though, I agree with the feeling, I’m not at all surprised.

Opting In means that in order for a site, marketer or application to share your data you would have to choose to make it public. When you sign yourself up for a email newsletter, you are opting in. Opting in has traditionally been considered best practices.

Opting Out is exactly the opposite. When you opt out, you take your name off the newletter list, or disconnect your facebook profile from your twitter… etc. Until the most recent Facebook announcement, and my own personal experiences with spammers taking over Constant Contact, opting out was something I’d always thought folks did after opting in. This is changing. Yesterday I put in a call to Constant Contact and had my email address blacklisted with them. I was in the uncomfortable position of removing myself from 2-3 email blast lists a day, not one of which I’d signed up for, and not one of which had any value. Unfortunately when you ask people only to opt out, without first giving them an opportunity to opt in, they dislike you. This is what’s happening with Facebook.

The issue with Facebook isn’t so much that information is being shared, it’s that information is being freely shared, but at the time of posting, people thought it was private. Facebook went from an “opt in” network to an “opt out” network. This is bad for Facebook users, but it’s a good teaching moment.

As parents and pioneers in the social web we can use this moment in time as a teaching tool. When our children post their first pictures online (which I’m hoping won’t happen until at least age fourteen) we can say, “Remember when Facebook went from private to public? Even though these photos are private now, they won’t always be. Will those pictures embarrass you in five years?” We can ask the same questions about our words, our numbers and our infographics.

The reality is that a more open web is a more forgiving web. When teens do silly things we often sigh and say things like, “it’s a good thing he got that out of the way now.” We routinely seal juvenile police records. During this, the infancy of an open and accessible web, we forgive one another their blunders, not because they are children, but because we think, “that could have been me.”

I’ve been moving away from Facebook in small steps. I removed about 3,000 Facebook Friends this spring and implemented a litmus test, maintaining only those who had been in my home within the past six months. I did this partially because I wanted some of my privacy back, and partially because I am laying the foundation for my children to enter social media.

Here are a very few of the steps I have taken to ensure some levels of privacy. This list is far from comprehensive, and I’d really like to know what actions other parents of tweens are taking, in preparation for our children.

• Use an office address and telephone.
• Do not friend anyone on Facebook that you don’t know
• Do not post family photos in public venues (this is tricky as some venues change from private to public with little notice)
• Do not name your child’s school on your blog, “like” it on Facebook or follow it on twitter. The same goes for Little League, AYSO or other sports
• Ask before you post anyone’s photo, if you walk into a room with people taking pictures, it’s fair to ask them to not post your photo in return
• Register your websites to your office address or with private registrations
• I’m asking people to connect with me at my Facebook “like” page, and I’m all but shutting down my personal profile.

Tell me what you are doing to restore privacy. Are you bothering? Are we living in public now?

I was talking to my mom about the pill, you know The Pill.

ME: I hear it was much stronger way back then.

MOM: It was.

ME: Didn’t you grow moustaches and things from it?

MOM: [leaning forward with emphasis] Women were so happy to have sex without worrying about getting pregnant, or dying from an abortion that they didn’t care if they had to shave their whole face.

Well, that is different isn’t it. She also had to hide her pregnancies, because ya know, 1971 they fired schoolteachers for being pregnant, even if they were married.

Today on Momversation my friend Rebecca asks who is to blame for Fast Food, is it us? Is it the food giants? I adore Maria, and she tells it like it is. Her family occasionally has fast food, and she’s not apologizing for it.

As you know, I have strong opinions about what food belongs in our bodies. What I really want to know is what you think. Do you eat fast food? Does the quality of food worry you? What about obesity? What would your video look like?

Watch and enjoy.

Last night there was a DUI Checkpoint over in front of Universal City.

I’d had a glass of wine, I mean, really who hasn’t by 9pm?

As I approached Universal Nissan, all I could see were lines of LAPD officers and bright spotlights. I pulled into the coned off aisle and went to grab my iPhone. I thought, this is the biggest film production I’ve seen in a while. Which is exactly what I told the officer when he stopped my car and asked me to roll down the window.

Officer NotARentACopForAFilmCrew was giving me a look that I’ve often seen my husband give me. I’m pretty sure he thought I was beautiful (because the only other option is that he was perplexed). “Ma’am, this here is a DUI Checkpoint. Have you had anything to drink tonight?” He asked me.

“Well yes, I just had a glass of wine. It was a really fruity Merlot, not at all satisfying…” I began.

“Ma’am, if you would please just look at my fingers, I’d like you to follow my fingers with your eyes, do not move your head.” And then he pointed two fingers to the sky and started waving his hand around from left to right.

“I’m doing my best officer, but I just had a bit of bad botox, so if you could please just not go so far to the left…” And then he shushed me and asked for my driver’s license.

“We’re also checking to see that everyone has a driver’s license. I don’t need to see your license. Just please show me that you have one.” and he shined a light into my car.

I tried to squint my eyes, because of the bright light and all, but squinting has gone by the wayside, what with the botox and all. So I got my driver’s license out to show him.

“Ma’am you don’t need to hand me your license, I just need to see that you have one.” But it was too late, I was already handing him my license, and if I’m going to be honest, I just wanted him to see what I’d look like on a good hair day.

He waved me along and was looking at the sky. My husband does that a lot too, but I’m pretty sure he’s making sure there are no leaks in the ceiling. I can’t imagine what the officer was looking for up there.

Typically my mornings are simple. I get up at seven, throw on my carpool sweats, wake the kids up, give them breakfast, bring them to school, and then I head straight back home. I make beds, tidy the kitchen, exercise, shower and then I work a little before lunch.

Not this time of year.

This is the time of year for parent coffees, end of year project presentations, potlucks and next year it will be final exams. This is the time of year when we all look at the signature project and try to guess whose child is an incredible artist, and who did the work for their eight year old.

This is the time of year that I’m waking up at six am, and returning home at four after having been with the kids all day long, and everyone is hungry, but we haven’t been to the market. This is the time of year that my son wants to stay up late, because it’s still light outside, but he maxes out, because he’s still a little boy and needs his rest.

This is the time of year that my husband stays late at the office, because in the absence of a setting sun, he doesn’t realize the work day has ended.

Some schools are doing ERB testing (mercifully our school does that in the Fall), so a number of my friends are doubly stressed. The kids are freaking out because some of their friends are changing schools. And really… all I want is a five day school week so I can clean the house, move my body and write a little.

I’m not asking for much.

I’m still car shopping. I have to get Mr. G’s car soon. I brought my car in for it’s pre turn in inspection and there are a few things to fix. I have to tell you, I absolutely detest every single part of that dealership, and I can’t wait to be done with them. Right now my car is in for it’s final service, and I literally wanted to kick my heels up and celebrate.

We’ll muddle through these last weeks of school, they’re emotional, and the parents are a little more involved than I think parents need to be.

My house is dirty, but on the up side I got to spend the day hanging out with Jane and Alexander. That’s a good day.

I think I’m unusual, in that I’m a forty year old woman who has had a cell phone for the past twenty two years. 

I love that short quick connections are so easy. I want to tell you that I’m always on time, never over-scheduled and forever organized, but that would be a lie. My friends and I are constantly calling one another with a, “can you pick up my kids?” or a, “if you’re at the grocery store would you mind…”

My home phone has gotten lonely. I’m never home anymore, heck I’m typing this from the school office.