Monthly Archives: May 2010

I’m turning in my station wagon next week. His name is Marsh… you know, short for Marshmallow. Thanks to an unscientific study, I am assured that I’m not the only adult who names their cars.

My new car doesn’t have a name yet, but navigation system is named Sally. She just sounds like a Sally, and Sally was the name of Jane’s imaginary friend.

When Jane was almost three, about the time that Alexander was born, she had a friend named Sally. We used to set the table for Sally, we invited Sally to birthday parties, we tucked Sally in at night. When Jane was five we bought a new house, Sally moved with us. I’m not sure when Sally moved out, I think by the time first grade began Sally was gone.

I miss Sally. Sally was my ally. I’d tell Jane that she had to be good or Sally couldn’t go places with us. Sometimes Sally would try new foods that Jane wasn’t interested in, and Sally always agreed with me that it was time for bed.

It’s strange now that we’ve given the nav system to Sally. It’s as if I’m stealing Jane’s imaginary friend.

Maybe 40 year old moms need Sally too.

Oh I’d forgotten that, and remember how rude it was considered to call someone during the dinner hour. We don’t have devices at the table. Even though my son doesn’t have a cell phone yet, he’d be just as likely to bring his iTouch to the table if he thought he could get away with it.

My daughter is eleven and she’s aware that her cell phone is only technically hers. I read all incoming and outgoing text messages, and she knew when we bought it that would be the deal. We’re teaching our kids that everything you write, in every venue should be considered public, and your Mom should be comfortable reading it.

We’re working on the manners, you know what I’m talking about; not using the phone in the middle of the grocery store, no loud talking… the subtleties. I often remind the kids that I’m not trying to punish them, I’m helping them learn something new.

I mean… what if you’re just tan?

There will be no Mother’s Day Gift Guide, because no one really reads them, and my mom reads my blog so she’d just find out what she’s getting.

If you don’t live near your mom, today would be a good day to get a card in the mail.

All we really want is a clean house. I’d like a day where I don’t have to cook, clean or flush the toilet for anyone. I don’t mind dusting or laundry, it’s the shit that puts me over the edge.

And really, don’t spend too much on us, because ultimately it’s our money too, and if we want something we prolly already bought it while you were at the office.

This is perfect. I didn’t want to write today because I have a tennis match.

Why do I have a tennis match? Mr. G. is back home after a very intense springtime of travel and, you may recall, we give each other some space for reentry.

How do you manage your exercise time?

I see that many of you are enjoying the post wherein I “out” JackMayhoffer as being a Federated Media Employee. Although I do appreciate that an SVP from Federated Media took the time to apologize on my blog, I do feel a need to let y’all know that this does not appear to be aberrant behavior.

At this point it’s important that everyone understand something. My original post, wherein I was trolled by a Federated Media employee did not name Federated Media. That post was about a phone call that I had with Federated about possibly joining with them, but it was a miserable phone call. It was unprofessional, it was rude, and I strongly suspect it was jam packed with half truths.

I was very careful to not name Federated Media in that post, because I had wanted to leave the door open. I thought there might be an opportunity for us to work together another time.

I’m slamming the door.

Earlier today someone was on the phone with me and said, “Have you googled jackmayhofferr and Federated Media?”

As I Googled, I screeched. Let me give you a few of Federated Media’s comments left on the web’s finest sites:

You guys have an ad next to your logo? Which you say people hate. Maybe you should have thought of that before posting. Or at least talked to you designers. - BusinessInsider.com June 2009

Mike you are delusional, you were NOT subsidizing smaller sites. You still don’t get it, do you? -Tech Crunch (directed at Michael Arrington) May 2009

Ummm — basically you have discovered the CPM pricing model. I hate to say this has been around since the 1990′s. Not all websites get paid by the click. I have been running one since 1999 and rarely take a cpc campaign. I do love what FM does because it involves high quality and paying engaging sponsorships that are great for both publisher and advertiser. PBS (left with no disclosure that she/he works for FM) November 2008

Isn’t Mahalo just a new Quiver? Sold to Inktomi back in 2002?- Battelle Media June 2007

FM gives publishers 60%, while doing ALL sales, collections biz dev etc… all while delivering some of the highest CPMs around. Can you name another rep firm that

1) only keeps 40%
2) has a CPMs over $5

Ad networks typically keep 40% – 60% of revenue and yield sun $2 CPMs if the pub is lucky.- Tech Crunch May 2008

Owen Obviously you know nothing about online advertising and demographics — there are way more women that read TC than you would think. -ValleyWag August 2007

What’s wonderful about Federated Media’s troll employee is that he/she has a consistent voice. I love that JackMayhofferr is so easily identified, that Jack is a great employee who is clearly loyal to the brand. So loyal, in fact, that he’d even troll his own CEO’s blog in order to dismiss Jason Calcanis.

I’d like to squee a little and jump around the room and thank Federated Media for their sloppiness. Sometimes as a blogger you have to work very hard to prove to people that companies have bad business practices, or that they might have one (or more) employee who is both abrasive and dumb (an unfortunate combination), but Federated Media made it easy for me.

Last week Peter Spande left a nice comment on my blog, it included the phrase:

Let me assure you, this isn’t the way should, or usually do, operate. My apologies to you. I’m not proud of this and take it very seriously.

Well Peter, it may not be the way you as a person operate, but it surely is the way that at least one Federated Media employee has operated for the last three years. The Federated troll was incredibly bold, posting on his own CEO’s blog. As a blogger (and a housewife not a CEO) I find it incredible that a titan of industry wouldn’t recognize his own employee as I so easily did.

Click to enlarge and enjoy

Update: another JackMayhofferr gem is at Mashable. Mashable is a publisher in the Federated Media Market:

WTF was that video?? Whaaaaaa

I’ve had deal with Dick before, and guess what he IS a DICK

jm

Of course, this was posted about FeedBurner CEO Dick Costolo. Is there no one the Federated Media Troll won’t insult?