Seven Year Olds? Really?

05.13.10

My eleven year old daughter desperately wants to wear a bikini, and just this morning I explained to her (for the 800th time) that she would wear a tankini instead. A tankini shows a bit of belly, but essentially looks like a tank top and swim bottoms. I’d considered letting Jane wear a bikini this year. I figured she’d be so uncomfortable in it that she’d beg for a one piece, but the reality is that I can’t bring myself to sexualize my eleven year old daughter.

My job as her mother is to allow her age appropriate opportunities. Eleven is a great age, Jane should enjoy it.

Our kids attend a school where they wear uniforms each day. When discussing the uniform issue with a middle school educator he said, “I worry that girls put on clothing that they don’t really want to wear.” That resonated with me.

Here’s a video of seven year old girls dancing to the Beyonce Single Ladies song. These kids are clearly incredibly talented. The dancing is polished, and I’m sure the Laker Girls would be envious of more than a few moves. I just question the judgment of the parents. My daughter and most of her friends would not be allowed in that competition, I have a hard time imagining the parents who thought it was cute.

When is dancing too suggestive?

I have an easier time imagining Dita Von Teese wearing these outfits than a seven year old child.

I found myself very careful about the wording on this post, as I’m quite certain that there’s a ped0phil3 community that is searching for content just like this.

UPDATE: The video has been pulled due to copyright issues after it was viewed 2,000,000 times. Here is a link where you can see it.

I know at least one person will call me puritanical. I’m okay with that.

This just wouldn’t fly in my house, or in my friends’ houses.

UPDATE: The girls are actually eight and nine, per their parents.

UPDATE May 16: of course the video has resurfaced. It’s a fantasy to think that they’d get it pulled from every venue.

Mom Blogging

http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

My daughter is going to be 6 in July and I wouldn’t tolerate this. Not even a question. If they wore age appropriate clothing I might let it go. But not like this, no way, not going to happen.

I want my kids to be kids. Let them be children. They are going to be adults far too soon.

This just reinforces the rules that I am going to implement for dating my daughter. If you can’t defeat me in single combat you can’t take her out. One more reason to remind the boys that I have a shotgun, shovel and own property in the desert.

I really wonder about the parents.

http://greenbeingmom.blogspot.com Lisa

Well said Jack! My daughter would NEVER be seen like this. She’s almost 8.

http://www.princessjenn.com PrincessJenn

I’ll fully admit when I first clicked over, I admit my first thought was, ‘Oh here we go. Another rant about what girls are wearing.’
I don’t believe in sexualizing my daughter. She’s only three, but I already find myself doing the ‘you have got to be kidding me’ while clothes shopping for her. But I’m not fanatical about it. I believe that there are times and places for things. A little bit of lip gloss on a special occasion is not the end of the world to me.
Having said that… the video you linked to had me struggling to pick my jaw up off the floor. I know it’s for a dance competition. I understand that they are costumes and not something they’d wear everyday. But I still couldn’t help thinking ‘Over My Dead Body!’
The moves were well choreographed but more appropriate to girls 10 years older. I don’t want to see ANY seven year old dancing like the only thing missing is a stripper pole.
http://www.misskcircusact.blogspot.com Kate

Horrified doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now.
http://greenbeingmom.blogspot.com Lisa

In my humble opinion, this is right up there with beauty pagents. I don’t get it? Can’t we just let kids be kids? Can’t they show their talent with some clothes on? I just keep shaking my head at this and wonder what their parents are thinking.
http://www.amyinohio.com Amy in OHio

I….just have no words
http://www.absenceofalternatives.com subWOW

Follow up: my coworker (who has 3 young daughters) and I pass each other YouTube finds. It’s part of our office ritual. I described this vid to him, to this, he replied, “Please don’t send it to me. There is no way I would be watching it.”
http://www.smartassmom.com traci

I missed the boat on bikinis. I SHOULD have allowed them when Belle was younger and then tighten the rope as her body began to develop. Now we are at a cross roads. I find her in a bikini to be adorable. But she’s adorable to me in anything. I see her in a bikini and think of her in a public setting and I’d rather die. However, she wants to wear one, as do her friends. I had to find a line to draw and something respectful she and I could meet on. I still get the last say, but for us triangle tops-OUT. High cut bottoms-accompanying a tankini top or not-OUT. Padded anything-OUT. I am petrified that too much control leads not to respect on body issues, but rebellion.

The girls in that video are nauseating. I practiced the first 32 counts of Single Ladies in my panties for 2 weeks and couldn’t get a hip pop right. AND? There is no high kick in the first 32.
http://www.rockandrollmama.com Rock and Roll Mama

It makes me sad that the little girls are taught that the only way to compete is to sexualize themselves- that that’s how they claim their power. Long, long before they’re ready to wield it. So not OK. I accidentally bought a bathing suit for E when she was 4 with “Princess” written on the butt, and hubs nixed it. “Little girls don’t need people trying to read their butts” he said, and i tend to agree.
http://mylifeinperu.com Kelly

This is what happens when parents try to find glory through the lives of their children.

Meryl

You are so correct. The mothers of these children have “failed” somewhere in their own lives and think they can capture success through their young children. “Be careful what you wish for”…for it will come back to haunt them somewhere down the road.

http://www.findingfairytales.com andrea

as a mother of 4 girls and 1 boy, this is a struggle EVERY summer when it comes to shopping for swimsuits with the girls.

i struggle with the whole “this string bikini is going to be on you over my dead body” alongside “i don’t want you to be the kid that’s made fun of by all your mini slut classmates”.

we managed to compromise in regards to swimwear this year…but not without great effort and scads of whining (them) and cussing (me…and probably them inside their heads) in scouring department stores for appropriate bathing suits. they wanted a bikini, i insisted on a tankini. then i thought about the ostracizing or ridicule they may experience at parties with their friends…and i had a change of mind. so, for once, *i* lowered my expectations…and i compromised.

we bought bikinis. BUT with the knowledge of the girls that we would be sewing up the dip in the top to be less “look at my boobs” and more “what a cute and AGE appropriate bikini”.

what pisses me off is that i had to adjust this piece of clothing. because there are minimal…if any…suitable compromise choices for “parents vs. child clothing conflicts” available.

and in regards to the dancing? ’tis the media our children are exposed to. done. unless you want to socially retard your child all the way into and through adulthood, you cannot cut them off from the outside influences in this world.

but if i catch my seven year old doing that booty shake? no more MTV. but probably i’d still be impressed because my 35 year old ass can’t move like that.

andrea
http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

I’d be giving you a standing ovation if I could in a comment. Talented or not, those girls were dressed and dancing like little whores. I don’t use that word lightly. As a mom of 5 daughters and one son, I constantly fight over age appropriate clothes with them. I’m sure some would call me puritanical, but I am far from it. I just don’t let my girls go around looking like hoochies. My hubby and I have a phrase for the small children who do dress like they are on the cover of Cosmo…..Prosti-tot.
http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com Erin

My twin girls are only 4, but I’m already concerned about their tween and even pre-tween years based on things like this. I would never let my kids do something like this. Wow.

That being said, I had a pretty cute basic bikini when I was 9. But I only ever swam at home in our family pool and with my girlfriends who came over….and I had nothing to put in the top of any bikini until I was much, much older…but times are different now.
http://www.momsdailyretreat.com Amelia

Oh My- I have an 18 year old, 13 year old and 5 year old girls- call me a prude but my 18 year old wouldn’t be allowed to do this- nor would she want to exploit herself like this- this is just tragic
http://www.busydadblog.com BusyDad

Oh hell to the NO.

http://binaryblonde.com Binary Blonde

Best. Comment. Ever.
http://mattnando.typepad.com DC Urban Dad

I second that one.

http://soulprncs2.wordpress.com/ SoMo

I watched this on my phone, earlier, and thought the only problem I had were the outfits. Um, hell no. Who taught those girls to dance like that? Who allowed their daughters to be taught that dance? And to think my husband was upset, because our daughter was taught to shake her booty at 3 yrs old in her dance class. This makes her dance class look Quakers. I am shocked.

I think this is a cyclical type of thing. I am not sure how to explain it, but sort of like when the pageants tried to do the “natural” look and the mothers were so upset. Okay, I only know that because of the few shows I have watched on the subject. I think most of these mothers are either living their dreams through their daughters and using them as living dolls. Either way they are creating little girls with a mixed up view about how they are perceived by the world.
http://lolitacarrico.com Lolita

Everyone else has said what I would have. Appalled.
Emily

Horrifying. On every level. But more appalling is that every media outlet bombarded us with this (Shame on you, HuffingtonPost). I’m raising a 7 year old boy to be respectful of women. But moms of girls you’ve got to step up and raise your daughters to be self-respecting or else…..

So sad.
http://pottymouthmommy.wordpress.com/ PottyMouthMommy

Admittedly, I let my daughter wear a bikini- within certain constraints. I believe in teaching that it’s ok to reveal your body in an appropriate manner. I point out to her the difference between tasteful and skanky.

I NEVER in a million years could have imagined myself referring to a 7 year old’s attire as skanky- but the poor little dears in that video, while vastly talented, certainly fit the bill. And to have them dancing like pole dancers to top it off… I don’t think I’ve ever been so skeeved out in my life!!
http://Wwwlifeofsaucyb.com SaycyB

I agree 100%! Totally inapropriate what’s happening in that video. I’m always equally apalled whenever that show toddlers & tiaras is on. I don’t know how anyone in their right mind could think it’s appropriate to put make up and skimpy outfits on 3 and 4 year olds. And believe me, I’m no prude.
http://www.extremeparenthood.com Sunday

This is appalling. If you are puritanical than so am I. I will wear that badge with pride because letting a little girl dress like THAT and dance around in such a suggestive fashion is just WRONG.
http://www.MotherhoodinNYC.com Marinka

I’m actually not okay with someone calling you puritanical because you object to that outfit. I didn’t watch that video, but unless they are standing still and reading the psalms, I’m not interested. What they’re wearing is appalling.

On the other hand, I don’t think it’s inappropriate for 11 year olds to wear bikinis. But my daughter likes one pieces.
http://www.wendykianakelly.com wendy

Tears streaming down my face as I watched, my 2 eldest sons (12 and 10) walked in and were equally horrified…
But here’s something I find odd in our society: when my eldest son was in grade 3, he was in a lip synch competition. He chose a song by U2 that was quite political, albeit about peace. It was nixed by the teacher for being “too mature” fair enough, I thought, and we used the suggested Veggie Tales Pirate song…whatever.
The girls in his class, however, somehow managed to sing an incredibly provocative song, scantily clad, make-up, the works…ever since that moment, I have been uber conscious of what we consider “too mature” and for whom in our culture.
I only have boys, thank God, because I quite honestly don’t think I am mature enough to confront this stuff very often…
Thanks for broaching this topic. The only reason I am not passing the video on anymore is b/c I think you are right that pedophiles will love it…
Jessica Elmore

Wow!!! Some of those moves were taken straight out of Teazers Pleazers. The costumes were at least a bit more than what I’ve seen before but seven??? No way!!! I’m going to sound like a major prude here but people wonder why so many young girls turn to sex, get eating disorders, etc…the media is bad enough do we really have to encourage it in other environments??? I hate watching TV anymore especially shows like toddlers & tiearas. Some of these girls are barely potty trained & taught its beautiful to look like prostitutes on union ave. Sad. What’s horrible is it wasnt that long ago that Elvis shaking his hips on TV was so offensive let alone talking sex. Now that TV is plastered with Trojan Man commercials & enough skin to make a doctor blush. Pedophiles are definitely looking for this exact video!!!
http://adventuresinjuggling.wordpress.com Laura Scarborough

as a mom of a dancer since she was 7, i don’t necessarily have a problem with the dance. WOW! those girls are very good! i do have a problem with the costumes. At that age it is definitely not appropriate and not necessary. i say let the girls’ obvious talent and their instructor’s choreography shine rather than the skimpy outfits.
just an aside, most dance comps will deduct points no matter how perfect the dance is if the costumes, choreography and song choice is inappropriate.
http://anniegirl1138.com annie

It was completely wrong. And yep, a pedophile is getting off on this as I type.
http://waterwatereverywhere.net MainlineMom

Not in a million years. Things like this make me grateful I don’t have a little girl, as much as I’d have loved one. Puritanical? I don’t find that very insulting, actually.
http://www.adventuroo.com Melissa (@adventuroo)

Sheesh- when I was doing a talent show contest in third grade, our BIG FINALE was a cartwheel. Wee!!

Seriously though, the costumes were completely baffling to me. Some of the dance was cute; some of it was totally inappropriate. I can’t believe mothers would let their kids do this.
http://sahdinlansing.com Chris (@tessasdad)

This is insane and I don’t understand the parents thinking this is okay. Every week there is something like this circulating around the web. Unreal.
http://tatertwins.com Jayme

This little girls are so so talented, it’s a shame that their parents can’t find a better way to showcase that- something more age appropriate.
http://www.suburbanmatron.com Becky

My husband came up over my shoulder while I was watching that and coined a new word: “adhorrible.” I took it to mean that they would be adorable if they were dressed like 7 year-olds should be dressed, but as it was the whole thing was a kind of queasy spectacle.

I’m all for little girls feeling fashionable. I think that their desire to choose how they look can be shaped and directed by us parents. It seems like these parents were overly-willing to create an “edgy” performance at the expense of their daughters.
http://feathersfreesiasandfishingtackle.blogspot.com/ andrea

These girls were just taught that their insane talent isn’t good enough on its own and has to be packaged as sex to sell. Which will, I have no doubt, translate into their own thoughts of self worth. They are good. They are very good. That should be enough.

I would like to know what the judges told them, because in my days of competition we probably wouldn’t have been allowed to finish that routine. At the very least we would have been given a talking to before we were disqualified. There is a line. But these days? This is now an industry where they think they are conditioning people for a career that depends on being able to pull off sexy better than your peers. This is SO wrong. Is it really “retarding them socially” to keep this part of society from them? Really? Doesn’t that beg the question of what kind of society we are OK with? Is it our job to raise our kids with values? Or do we defer to MTV?

I have gone to the few postings of this on youtube and read through the comments, and considering that there are always people who like to stir things up on there, I think it’s pretty clear… the VAST majority of comments, as in 99% were about how horribly inappropriate this was. I hope the parents read them. I would imagine they will be surprised. I hope it is a wakeup call. If not, and they were conscious of their choices, even more shame on them.

~A
Jennifer

Our culture is and has taught young girls and women that we are only worth something by how beautiful, skinny, or sexy we can be. This is degrading and disgusting!
http://www.MarVistaMom.com Sarah Auerswald

Ridiculously inappropriate. Who is teaching kids this dance and who is letting their daughter learn this dance? And the costumes are beyond ridiculous. I can’t imagine the moms who said yes to that.
Need context, please: is this in Vegas? Are they stripper’s kids? Or is this is Peoria?
http://www.djmlife.blogspot.com DodiM

Umm, wow. Not OK. I have two daughters, 10 and 7. They’ve both been dancing since they were three. The kids in that video had some impressive talent (they are much better dancers than all but the very best dancers at my kids’ dance academy – certainly better than either of my daughters), but that suggestive dancing and those outfits were uncalled for. I can’t believe their parents are OK with that, any why wouldn’t you encourage innocence at that age?
http://rebeccaclaire.com Claire

I must say, those girls are very talented but how old are they? If it weren’t for the fact that they’re shaped like children, I would have thought they were adults. The costumes are ridiculous, the dance moves, while well performed, are entirely inappropriate. I wonder what Beyoncé thinks about this.
http://www.modernmami.com Melanie (ModernMami)

The outfits are what’s making it overly-sexual. They really could have done that same routine with more clothes on. It wouldn’t have hurt for the choreographer to tone it down a bit and bring it down to a 7-year old level. It would have still (or even more) showcased their skills. Just because they’re dancing to Beyonce, doesn’t mean they have to do the same moves as Beyonce did in the video.
http://greeninoc.blogspot.com GreenInOC

I have tears in my eyes.

The MOST disturbing thing in this video is that the adults in the audience are screaming their approval. Sickening.
Kay

Sickening–repulsive. Their talent is obvious, but their moves, their costumes, their sexual gyrations—child porn! Dress your daughter like a sex object and someone will treat her like one. Should we be so shocked when we hear about people preying on young girls when our culture is turning 7-year-olds into sexy pole dancers? I’m just appalled that ANY parent of a young girl would allow them to take any part in this!! Shame on them. Beyonce had on a more modest outfit than these girls. The poor girls don’t even realize what their moves mean to mature viewers.
Jill

Yikes.. I read the first few replies and saw this:

i struggle with the whole “this string bikini is going to be on you over my dead body” alongside “i don’t want you to be the kid that’s made fun of by all your mini slut classmates”.

Can we please teach our children by example? The fact that someone is actually typing the words, “mini slut classmates” is horrifying to me. I have never thought of my daughters classmates like this. Especially when they were seven. How can you be a ‘mini slut’ when you are seven? No matter what the parents are allowing, I think we need to be a bit more tolerant of the CHILDREN.
Your children know your beliefs. If you are thinking, “mini-slut”.. they are thinking it too.. thus beginning a vicious cycle of judgement.
I allow my daughter to wear a bikini. I do not think she looks like a ‘mini slut’. She is not. She is 10. She has all kinds of bathing suits.. 2 pieces, bikinis, tankinis, you name it. It doesn’t bother me. She is not a “slut”. She is a little girl. The styles I buy for her reflect that. I help her choose ones that are appropriate.
The video is disturbing because of the gyrating moves and ridiculously sexualized dancing. I do not agree with it. I would NEVER allow my daughter to be a part of something like that. I, too, think it is horrifying.
Can she wear a bikini? Yes. Can she wear short shorts with teeny tops? No.
There is a distinct line. I see it and enforce it.
To read the comments of parents labeling 7 year olds as “sluts” is depressing, at best. The children don’t know any better.. blame the parents, but please, NOT the innocent children.
BD

And people wonder shy children go missing…..
Melissa

I’ve seen older kids who do this kind of dance. Mostly for dance competitions. And… who have no idea what they’re doing, save dancing. Do I think it’s a good idea? Absolutely not. And I think my husband would have a stroke. Because even if it’s just about dancing for them, for somebody out there, it’s not. And the fact that you can search it on YouTube? Even worse.
Pingback: Stop Slutting Up Our Girls | Digital Dads

http://JessicaGottlieb.com Jessica Gottlieb

Don’t miss this article. I love CC’s take on things.

http://lisabruder.wordpress.com/ Lisa

I think some parents do this to fulfill an inner desire they must have had to become famous. Unfortunately they are using their children in a very selfish manner and not realizing that they are putting them at risk. I don’t mid talent shows, I think it’s great for self esteem. But parents need to realize what are age appropriate songs and costumes. And I agree with GrennInOC. It’s gross to hear the audience knowing some of these are guys and fathers!
http://www.karenchatters.com Karen Chatters

We were at the beach last week and there was an 8 month old in a bikini. I mentioned to my husband that it really bothered me to see a baby in a bikini. He kind of laughed but I’m just as uncomfortable seeing a 4 year old or an 8 year old in a bikini. I’m 100% with you on waiting until their older to wear things like a bikini.

I don’t care what my kids friends may be wearing, my girl will not be dressing like a two bit hussy because she thinks it’s cute or because her friends are. It may make me the “bad guy” but I’m the mom, not the best friend and that’s part of my job.
http://www.digginfood.com Willi

I don’t have children yet, but I was recently at a public event and was sitting next to a dad and his little girl who was four. Tops. She was crying because she didn’t want barrettes in her hair and to coax her into putting them in he said, “But honey, it will make you look sexy.” She immediately stopped crying and let him put the barrettes in. I almost fell off my seat when I realized this little girl has already associated being “sexy” with being good. So sad.
http://www.wheeallthewayhome.com patois

When my daughter (then 8) first started dancing, we went to the local studio that EVERYONE seemed to attend. When we went to the recital, I was appalled. Her dance was fine, as was the costume. Most of the dances for kids her age and younger were appropriate. But the older kids? And the adult teachers showing off in a few acts? No kidding, one of the dances had S&M: handcuffs, wrist ties, whips. And this is what my daughter was sitting through during dress rehearsals and the recital itself.

She never went back. As I told the dance studio’s owner, “I’ll let her learn how to pole dance when she’s 18.” My daughter has been attending a far more wholesome studio which has seen an increasing enrollment precisely because the slutty nature of the other studio.
Sarah

As someone who used to dance (way back when), I’ll step forward and say it is inappropriate. Yes, they are very, very good dancers and are doing some very complicated skills. However, the costumes, big fat NO on that one. And the choreography – it would have been a lot more polished and they would have been better synchronized had they taken the shimmying and booty shaking out. Just think, if they had done an age appropriate routine with the skill level they showed, it would have been downright amazing. I found it very interesting that this video popped up this week (at least that is when it was pointed out to me) and I’ve heard a lot of local stories of dads who are seeing their daughters perform in dance recitals for the first time this year and are horrified and are yanking their daughters out.
Kate

I’m 24, and this past summer I went to the beach with my girlfriends from high school. Without any discussion beforehand, we all showed up in one-pieces. Not because we’ve grown ashamed of our bodies, but because we simultaneously realized we didn’t have to be naked if we didn’t want to. And we’re all pretty pro-nudity ladies. It’s the spectators that bother me, not the nudity itself. Point is, once we’re old enough to understand how other people view us, it becomes our choice how to dress and behave. Until then, we need some protecting.
One caveat about bikinis, I routinely wore a two-piece bathing suit as a very young kid because it was so much easier for my mom to get it off of me when I had to pee. At the first sign of boobs, it was back to one-pieces for me. I think the tankini is the greatest possible compromise.
http://www.divahh.com jacquie

I have less trouble with the outfits than I do with the moves. My daughters are in competitive cheer. The club they belong to (and most of the cheer community) are loath to have little girls gyrating on the stage. The kids in the vid are spectacularly talented but I’m pretty sure a good choreographer could have come up with a dance that was age-appropriate. Hip thrust just really aren’t for 7 year olds. I’d be disappointed if they won the competition. The judges would need to set the tone and not condone this sort of performance in order for instructors to get the hint.
“Puritanical” you ain’t Jessica, pragmatic might be more suitable.
Tammi

I am a dance teacher and I have to be honest, I could never get my 7 and 8 year olds to do any of this, not the triple turns, the sharpness of the moves, the perfect in sync movement…. I think the real problem is, that the same parents who are letting their 7-8 year old dance enough in one week to perfect real technique appropriate for 10-15 year olds, don’t mind whoring out their daughters. I am ashamed that these teachers are wasting their obvious talent for instruction on such trash… take the same time and teach them ballet, modern, jazz (that was NOT jazz… it was trash) and maybe how to be children. They dance better than 90% of my school, but I give my girls to be self confident… not slef depricating. Talk about teaching our children that if they are the sexiest thing out there that they will be “loved”. I absolutely love bob fosse and what he has brought to the world of jazz… but if this was suppose to be in his style, they missed some seriously important stylizing. Someone only heard, hip thrust… how about particular hands, the inverted legs, etc. Even in Sweet Charity, the moves were less sexual than in this dance and that show was about strippers! He could use one simple hip thrust and it read sexuually while not degrading the dancers… in fact… the dances were generally more about mocking this sort of movement… which needs a rather mature and aware dancer to be performing them… these 7-8 year olds should not even know sex exists… so my guess is they can not actually perform a Fosse piece to its full potential. I am absolutely disgusted. The worst part… if you listen to the words of the song… the moves do not at all belong.

Seven Year Olds? Really?

Categories

Archives

Recent Posts

Ads: