Monthly Archives: November 2010

If you are a parent at my child’s school, please click on something else right now (like maybe some Palin Porn). Everyone else, get ready to change your opinion of me.

I am not a giver.

I do give, but not with my whole heart. I’m a selfish giver. I give to Project Angel Food because they gave to me. I give to LLS, because people I love need that research. I give to Epic Change because they bring me joy. I give to many other organizations, and I almost exclusively give anonymously, and I don’t want to be asked for more money or time in a public forum.

That’s right. I give in the grumpiest way possible. No fêtes, no galas, no volunteer dinners. I just want to do the giving and be done.

When the kids were each about five we got invited to Birthday Parties where the invitation said, “no gifts please”, and then directed us to give to a charity.

NO GIFTS FOR FIVE YEAR OLDS?! I call bullshit, that has nothing to do with the kid, and I know someone will be in the comments and try to convince me otherwise, but I don’t believe for one second that your child is that unselfish. I believe they are trying to please you by going along with your nonsense.

By the time each kid was six, we were back to normal gift giving. Really.

Don’t get me started on pink ribbons on foods that cause cancer, silence for AIDS, and Bulgari rings for charity. Just. Don’t. Start.

Here’s the way I see it. You either give or you don’t. I don’t care about a portion of the proceeds. Write a check. I don’t care about a celebrity banging one nail into a house for poor people, go give a day’s work. I don’t want ridiculously expensive thank you gifts for supporting a charity. I want you to look me in the eye or hand write me a note saying “thank you”. I want the money I give to have maximum impact.

And for the love of gawd, I don’t want my kids to volunteer as part of their grade. My daughter does not know how I feel about this, so watch the video with Daphne, Dana, and me. Then let me know how you feel about mandatory volunteer-ism.

This morning I’ve been shopping. I’ve scoured the web for a few things that I need to own (shaddup I do too need these things), and I’m sharing three with you.

Hurry, because these deals are done today.

Click the image to get to T-Mobile

Get a free G2 phone with a two year contract at T-Mobile. Really. The G2 is the most nerdtastic android based phone to hit stores this year. People in my neighborhood love the T-Mobile 4G network, and I am absolutely thrilled to dump my old provider (who never did provide much anyhow). I’ve talked with the folks at T-Mobile in the past and they have some interesting options for kids phones as well. I’ll get the details of that another day and share with you. In the interim, I’m hopping onto a family plan and getting the kids phones for Hanukkah.

Click the image to get to Clear

Connect Everywhere! The Clear Network has launched with 4G coverage in Los Angeles. I’ve borrowed a unit, and I’m thrilled to work remotely without having to hope for someone else to share a wifi password with me. It’s ridiculously fast for a mobile connection, and the Clear Spot 4G is 80% off today.

Click the image to buy on Amazon

Get two terabytes of storage from Western Digital for $89.99. If you have a photographer or videographer in the family this is their must have peripheral. 2TB of storage is enough for a few years worth of images, or many computers worth of saved data. I know you think you can survive with a 500GB hard drive, but survival is different than living. Live it up and get the beast today. (it’s got very good reviews from heavy users)

I just got home from CPK, and since my friend Marsha Collier is writing the book on Customer Service I thought I’d amuse y’all with a bit of corporate policy that ensures no one will ever be happy at California Pizza Kitchen.

It’s Sunday night and I’m beat, so we decide to take the kids to dinner. CPK is a good bet for all, because there’s something for everyone on the menu. We have grown accustomed to their abominable customer service, so we were delighted to find the store half empty and our server to be attentive.

Again, our expectations were low.

We sat in a booth where Mr G could watch the Colts and the Chargers, and we had a pretty good dinner. Nothing exciting, but the kids were happy and so were we.

Until they changed the game to basketball.

We asked our server to please put the football game back on, and she said the following. “We have this weird corporate policy that puts us in a TV limbo. Whenever a guest asks us to change the channel we have to change it to whatever they ask for. Someone just asked us to change it to the basketball game so we have to do that.”

Mr. G smiled and said, “Well, now I’m asking you to change it to Football.”

And our server walked away uncomfortably.

And then we were stuck watching the halftime game (which is a whole lot of nothing worth watching), when the manager (who appeared to be 19) came to the table and said, “I’m really sorry but the man at the bar asked us to put it on the Lakers game and you’ve been watching football for a really long time, and it’s only fair if you get it half of your meal and he gets it for half of his.”

This makes NO SENSE. Half a football game is fair? Who gives a flying fuck about fair?

Mr. G thanked her for her explanation and assured her that we all understood that she valued his patronage more than ours.

And then the bill came. $73 for the four of us. Which I assume is a whole lot more than the single guy at the bar spent, so if we’re worried about fair, then CPK failed that test.

We tipped heartily because the server was excellent. We are mindful that CPK is a great place for our kids, but they really don’t understand customer service at all.

I heard recently about a site called Omegle. It’s where you go to chat anonymously with strangers. I decided it try it (so you don’t have to). I’m not brave enough to try videochat (I imagine there are many Farve-eque guys there), but I did have these chats.

You can decide if it’s a good way to spend your time:

Omegle Chat Number 1:

Jane played in a soccer tournament these last two days. For those of you unfamiliar with tournament play, in most children’s sports the most talented kids play post season games in and around their regions. There’s usually an A (All star) team, a B team (almost all stars), and a C team or two (kids with some potential and/or involved parents). Tournaments last one or two days, and the teams will play two to three games a day. The games are usually a few hours apart.

Families really need to devote a day to their child’s sport in order for them to participate in tournament play.

The tournament that Jane played in this weekend gave her three games on Friday (8am, 11am and 2pm), and two on Saturday (9am and 1pm). That’s a lot of soccer for Jane. Interestingly it’s even more soccer for Alexander, who is supposed to sit on the sidelines and cheer for his sister.

I love soccer. I grew up in AYSO, and I’ve watched it morph from something a few kids played in the beach cities, to an incredibly popular pastime with a level of parental involvement that I didn’t know existed.

Sometimes I worry that I’m not pushing Jane enough. She’s very fast, typically she’s the fastest kid on the field by many strides, but she isn’t interested in playing just one sport. She wants to play volleyball in the spring and not soccer all year ’round. She had a blast playing this weekend, but absolutely refuses to play on a tournament team in the springtime.

At what age do you ask a child to specialize? I’m seeing it happen younger and younger every year, and I’m not convinced that these kids are particularly gifted, or that they even care. When do you say to your child, “You’ve just got to do this.”?

How do you manage the other child? And when do we as parents just get to say, “No, I’m not hanging out in an RV at the park for two days so that you can play soccer.”?

Maybe there’s some part of the soccer mom culture that just escapes me, maybe I just don’t get it, and maybe I’m too selfish to want this for my life too.

There’s only one thing I know I’m right about. Funnel cakes, Papa Johns Pizza and Kettle Corn do not belong at soccer tournaments. That part was just ridiculous.

Last night I was opening a box from Kenmore.

ALEXANDER: What’s in the box Mom?

ME: I don’t know why don’t you help me open it?

[We open the box and it's a Food processor]

ALEXANDER: Mom it says food processor. Does this mean we finally get processed food? Will it make us McDonalds at home? Finally!