Monthly Archives: November 2010

Last Sunday night I went to a screening of Burlesque with my friend Heather. It was a charity event that benefited Project Angel Food, and it’s quite possible that Heather and I were two of the only straight people in the theater.

I wasn’t particularly dressed up, good jeans and a cashmere sweater. I wasn’t wearing any makeup, but I felt good.

When I saw Heather she, of course, looked amazing, and she told me I looked good too. It’s what girlfriends do.

After the movie Heather ran into the ladies room and I sat on the benches outside waiting for her. A nice lady sat down next to me and started talking to me about my boots, and then she complimented my hair, and then she asked me who I came here with and then I realized she was hitting on me.

And then I felt pretty.

Because I’m shallow.

I was giggling with Heather, “Oh my gawd I think a lesbian was hitting on me.” and because I’m shallow I added, “do you think it’s because my boots are not super feminine or because I’m having a good hair day.”

“You look beautiful. I told you that when I saw you tonight.” Heather said, “Why don’t you listen to me?”

“Because you don’t want to sleep with me, so it doesn’t count.”

If you’re raising kids, and they’re bored, go have them play with Wolfram Alpha. This Simponi (I know I pronounced it wrong) will only last so long, and I’m counting on y’all to raise the next generation of scientists and radical thinkers.

Click here for Wolfram.

This week Alexander was naughty. He wasn’t bad, or malicious, he was doing what nine year old boys do, and, in the tradition of being nine, he got caught.

Alexander learned lessons about honesty, and about friendship. He is slowly learning that Mr. G and I will always agree on everything discipline related, and that he will always have to deal with both of us. Alexander has learned humility, though it’s a lesson most of us need repeated several times.

I, as a parent, had to drop my son off to school knowing that he would be punished for the day. Every molecule in my body wanted to keep him home for the day and protect him from the mess he’d made for himself.

And I want to tell y’all just what he did, because it’s sort of glorious in it’s mischievousness and surely it will be a Gottlieb story told for decades to come. It will start with, “Reember when Alexander was nine and he…” and it undoubtedly will end in giggles. I’m thinking that my husband is already working it into a speech for his wedding day.

But I can’t. Because my son is too old for that, and it’s not fair to him.

Just trust me, it’s been a horrible few days for me, because raising a mensch is a lot more work than I’d bargained for.

I don’t have one. I won’t be publishing one, and I’d really like to tell you why.

I’ve published gift guides in the past, but they pretty much suck. I’ve never read a gift guide and thought, “ooh she’s speaking to me”. If you’re a Mom and you want to buy gifts for your children here’s my tip to you: Give them a blank piece of paper and a pen, they will make you a list. They might even ask for a second sheet of paper.

Buy the items on the list.

If you’re buying a gift for someone else’s child, ask the parents for few things from the list.

I’ve finished my shopping for my husband’s office (I’ve even bought the gift wrap). Everything I bought focuses on relaxation. Everyone there works really hard, I’d like our family to give them at least a few minutes to relax.

Blogging is about sharing our personal experiences. It’s about knowing that we’re all going through this together. It’s not about sharing high resolution pictures with you, or showing you what a marketer stuffed into my mailbox. I have received a few items already, the Interfaith Food Pantry thanks you (my about me page lets you know more). Really and honestly they do. It’s a good thing when you send toys to children.

Alexander is 9, Jane is 12, and Mr. G. already owns everything he could ever want. Hanukkah begins December 1, and if you want to know what I bought my kids, there’s a chance I’ll share it on Twitter. But there’s no chance that I’ll be trying to sell you something this year.

Burlesque proves that great entertainment isn’t always driven by great plot lines. This is the sort of film that you walk into with a group of girlfriends, and skip out of hugging said girlfriends.

Cher and Christina Aguilera are brilliant together. I don’t know, nor do I much care, how the two of them came to be cast together, I just know that I’m delighted that they were cast.

The story is the same old story, Iowa girl runs to Hollywood. She can sing and dance, no family blah blah blah two men fall for her, one is a starving artist and looks fabulous naked (Cam Gigandet), the other is a tycoon (Eric Dane), and rocks the business suit. What’s so wonderful about Burlesque is that the blahness of the the story doesn’t matter one bit.

The beauty of Burlesque is in the dancing, the choreography, and Christina Aguilera’s amazing voice.

It’s strange for me to see Cher not being the “big talent” in a movie. She opens the movie with an act that I’ve already mostly forgotten, but smack dab in the middle she sings You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me. I sat in the audience of 300 or so, and I know we were all thinking Oh Cher I sure hope not.

Another thing that made Burlesque great was that it was sexy as hell without being uncomfortable. In the tradition of burlesque there were love scenes, and sex was absolutely had by characters straight and gay, but we never saw a nipple or had a weird moment where you wished you weren’t sitting in the dark with a stranger. I’m not saying that I’d bring a child to this movie, but sometimes it’s hotter when you don’t see everything.

Women will want to be dancers.

Men will want to be with women who want to be dancers.

This movie is fun, but it’s for fans. I loved hanging out with Heather and we *might* have squeed every time Cher did something fabulous (she has a lot of fabulousness bottled up in her), and I’m pretty sure that if I was with Mr. G there would have been snark.

It’s great fun to sit in an audience that is gasping, clapping and cheering at the screen. It’s not a typical movie, and if you’re lucky you’ll get an atypical audience too. An audience who will appreciate the movie for what it is. Delicious.

Peter Gallagher, Julianne Hough, Kristen Bell, and Stanley Tucci were fabulous. Who knew Kristen Bell could dance? There were contortionists, revue dancers, and cameos by everyone but Babs (hello James Brolin).

Burlesque was fun and sexy, with just the right amount of everything.

A special thanks to Steve Antin and Sony for making Burlesque available to everyone who supports Project Angel Food.

Yesterday was a long day. I spent the school day at the Auto Show, picked the kids up, spent the afternoon with them, and then I brought Jane to school. At night.

You see, the school has evening open houses twice yearly, and the kids “go to school” for an hour at night. The kids have to wear their uniforms and attend one class (for an audience of prospective parents). Jane was furious, and did not want to attend. After explaining to her that it would be fun, and then giving her a tough luck you’re already committed to this, Jane decided to go along with the program.

We carpooled with Sophia, and I dropped the two girls off at 7pm. At 8pm I had a party to attend, so Sophia’s mom was to bring them home at 8.30 or so.

At 8.45 my phone rang. I was at the LalaWag relaunch party when Jane breathlessly called me and said:

Oh my gawd Mom the school night was so much fun. I’m actually home right now and I’m so glad I went, we were archeologists for the night and we had to pull clues out of a trashcan and….

I interrupted her told her that I was happy she had a good time, and that I’d love to hear about it when I got home. I told her I loved her, and I asked her to be good for the sitter.

When I got home at 10.45 Jane was laying awake in her bed.

“Why are you awake?” I asked her.

“I’m waiting to tell you about school,” She said. With eyes wide open she began to tell me about the evening, but I was tired. Even my bones ached.

“Honey I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for you to stay awake this late. Go to sleep and you can tell me about it in the morning.” And I kissed her goodnight, while she tried to keep chatting.

Shhh, goodnight I whispered as I backed out of her bedroom.

I washed my face, undressed and fell into bed. I laid there, with my eyes wide open thinking I should have listened to Jane. I should have taken the three minutes and just been there to hear about her night.

When I tiptoed back into her room she was asleep. I missed the moment.