Recently I spent a day with the folks at DocStoc and made a few videos. If you’re interested in more they’re after the jump.

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I’m not in shul today. The kids are in school.

Every year we’re a little more removed from Jewish tradition. I suppose that’s my fault, I’m the mom, and I come from the more observant home. The kids go to a church school. They say it’s not a church school, but they’re in chapel three times a week and they’re one of a small number of schools that’s actually open today. So church it is on the holiest day of the year.

I tried to explain to the kids that these are the days of awe. I asked them to reflect on the year and to will themselves to be a little better and a little kinder in the next year. “Like a resolution?” One asked.

Like a resolution.

I don’t believe that G-d is sitting in front of ancient scrolls and writing me into the book of life or the book of death. On the off chance that I’m wrong I’m pretty sure I won’t get put in the book of death for not praying in a language I don’t understand. I think he’s cool with me. I’m a good person, flawed, but basically doing good things.

Interestingly my husband, who would rather walk on hot coals than sit in temple, is insisting that our son is Bar Mitzvahed. We don’t really practice at home more than just lighting candles for Hanukkah. I’m more than a little unhappy that Mr. G. wants to have Alexander study a dead language for two years and learn stories that Mr. G. lovingly refers to as Jewish Fables.

As much as I don’t believe, I do. I’d be sad if I had goyim for Grandchildren, but I’m not all that interested in practicing Judaism. Maybe in these days of awe us Gottliebs can decide how much any of this matters.

My inbox is filling up with marketers and publicists who want to get The Mommy Bloggers to talk about their stuff.

Since everyone knows that The Mommy Bloggers are a homogenous group I thought I’d give you a list of pitches that will never work for me. I’m pretty sure they work for everyone else otherwise I wouldn’t get a dozen of these every hour.

• I won’t post a photo of a celebrity wearing your clothing. I don’t care about celebrities. I care about bloggers.
• I won’t bring my children to your event. They are not bloggers.
• I don’t really talk about what I wear until after I’ve purchased it so sending me high resolution photos isn’t really a great idea.
• I don’t keep clothes that people send me, so sending me samples is also not a great idea.
• My husband doesn’t smoke cigars or wear ties
• My dog doesn’t wear clothes.
• I can’t talk about the gifts I’ve bought for anyone because they read my blog. So you can skip all the gift guides. I did one once, it was a lot of work.
• I won’t tell you what we’re planning to wear for Halloween, but that’s just because no one cares
• I don’t really want to work hard, so if your pitch looks like work then it won’t get read.
• Your new app may be great, but since the only app I’ve ever written about is iFart. It is the only app worth  writing about.
• Do not add me to constant contact, icontact or any other mass email list. There is no reason for me to  care about the same content everyone else is getting.
• If you didn’t come from my womb don’t call me Mom, Mommy or Mami. I’m not your mother, I’m Mrs. Gottlieb, address your emails appropriately.
• I don’t talk about TV shows so you can probably skip those, I’m basically a pop culture disaster.
• If you’re having a contest you can buy an ad but word of mouth on something with a huge budget? Only an idiot would pick up that flaming baton

Pitches that do work

• I do love to talk about my friend’s successes so connecting with me on various social networks is a good idea.
• Lend me a car
• Show me how you build your cars
• Lend me a computer
• Give my kids an experience that I can’t provide them with (and keep in mind that I can provide a lot)
• I will bring my children to your event if you are Tony Hawk.
• Change the world and make it magnificent. I will talk about that for ages.
• Do something good.

Black Eye, Day Six

Thanks to G+ I have the best response ever. When someone asks me what happened to my eye I simply reply, “I forgot the safe word.”

Last night it was met with immediate laughter from two girlfriends and confusion from a third. That third girlfriend really isn’t all that sweet, she’d just had more to drink. She got it after a while.

Another friend is in some pretty serious trouble. Actually she’s not a friend. She lied to me for a number of years. She’s a person I thought was a friend and I feel terrible for her children but I don’t feel badly for her. I feel badly that I don’t have any sympathy. Have you ever experienced this? It’s thrown me for a loop so much so that I’m just out of words.

The Hollywood Reporter published today a short blurb about Roman Polanski’s life story as told by documentarian Laurent Bouzereau.

Apparently the film was shot while Polanski was under house arrest in Zurich. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the “controversial life story” of Roman Polanski I can sum it up for you in bullet points.

• Born August 1933
• Survived the Holocaust in Poland
• 1962 made his first feature
• 1968 directed Rosemary’s Baby
• 1969 pregnant wife Sharon Tate is murdered by Charles Manson
• 1977 (age 43) arrested and charged with the rape and sodomy of a 13 year old girl involving drugs
• 1978 fled to France

Of course many of us remember Polanski’s arrest in 2009 for the six outstanding charges in the US.

I’m certain that Polanski has suffered more heartache than most people alive, but I’m equally certain that he’s inflicted more pain than most people alive. I cannot imagine a scenario wherein a 43 year old man mistakes a 13 year old girl for anything but a child.

I cannot imagine another profession that would embrace a child rapist with open arms lavishing him with awards and press.

My big question in all of this is how this documentary will be presented in America. My understanding is that the Son of Sam Laws prevent criminals form profiting from their crimes, and surely this movie would be a fine example of that.

EDIT: Apparently the film received a standing ovation in Zurich. I’m disgusted.

I’m not really sure that this requires any words. Enjoy and share.