What Every Volleyball Mom Should Know

03.28.12


Jane is playing volleyball these days and it’s just terrific. It’s a sport that kids come to a little later so there’s less parental involvement on the court than there is with other sports. I may have just lucked out with Jane’s particular group but the volleyball parents are absolutely wonderful. The coaches are also amazing.

As amazing as volleyball is I need every parent to know why there should be no cameras at your daughter’s volleyball matches.

These are Jane’s shorts.

Volleyball shorts

The first time she wore them she was clearly uncomfortable. She’d be tugging at them and pulling them down. To be frank Mr. G. and I were also a little uncomfortable just looking at her in them. Our daughter’s shorts were smaller and tighter than our son’s underwear. I tell myself that this is okay because she’s an athletic girl and it’s different than being the girl dancing on the sidelines while the boys shoot hoops.

I didn’t actually believe my self talk. Who would?

I’m resigned to the fact that shorty shorts are the volleyball uniform. I’m not happy about it but it’s not the battle I’m about to wage as certainly it’s not one I’m likely to win. Jane would lose.

So after a million misgivings about sexy shorts on my thirteen year old daughter I learned to suck it up and smile. Now when I look at her and her teammates I see athletic young women who sidestep around gymnasium floors and leap vertically to hit the ball with an outstretched arm. There is no mistaking a volleyball player for anything other than an athlete when she is on the court.

Unless you’re a guy with a camera.

When I log out of google (logging out matters because it won’t be a personalized search) and search the term volleyball shorts these are the images that come up.

Volleyball_Shorts

If you feel a little sick to your stomach, if you feel a little bad that clearly underage girls are objectified like that then you know how I feel.

There are entire pages of Reddit devoted to girls in volleyball shorts. If you decide to visit these pages you’ll probably feel a mix of rage and shame. If you feel excited I hope you’re a 13 year old boy and not a pedophile, the girls are… well, they’re little girls.

http://www.reddit.com/r/VolleyballGirls/

Of course a month ago Reddit had a “necessary change in policy” outlined here. It includes:

We have very few rules here on reddit; no spamming, no cheating, no personal info, nothing illegal, and no interfering the site’s functions. Today we are adding another rule: No suggestive or sexual content featuring minors.

Although noble(ish) Reddit hasn’t been able to enforce this well. Reddit is not the whole  internet, to me it is the perfect representative, but Reddit is just a tiny corner of the internet and there are sites devoted to girls in volleyball shorts with nothing but crotch shots. Fapping encouraged.

There are some important takeaways here for all the volleyball parents.

  • Do not share photos of your daughter’s volleyball team online. This includes email.
  • Do not allow your daughter to be photographed playing volleyball.
  • Talk to your volleyball club about why you don’t want your daughter photographed, do a quick google search with them and show them why.

Just yesterday the International Volleyball Federation announced that out of sensitivity to different cultures the women’s beach volleyball teams in London will be allowed to wear shorts that reach almost to the knee (yes they set a maximum length) as well as long sleeved shirts. This leaves me hopeful for years to come but for today there’s got to be a lockdown on how we’re allowing our daughter’s images to be used.

And please before anyone tries to explain that these shorts are somehow performance related I’d like to share with you an image of elite boys volleyball.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Kristidavis Kristi Morrison Davis

    Can she wear Francie Pants under them? That’s not the point, I know. I do love those Francie Pants for my 6yo. We wear them under everything. 

  • http://twitter.com/corrinrenee Corrin Foster

    I played volleyball competitively up through college and my good friend is a NCAA D1 women’s volleyball coach. I’ve watched the uniforms get smaller and smaller throughout the years and I regularly ask him why something can’t be done about it. Why can’t his team choose to wear running shorts or Spandex to the thighs, like we worn when I played? There’s no good answer. It’s a sport that’s been objectified because regulation uniforms are now underwear.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=723856406 Ann Bibby

    This is like any other objectification of young women issue. The longer we older women justify sitting out the battle to do something about it, the longer the problem persists until someday it is our daughters’ rationalizing why it’s okay to let this one thing slide.

    • Jill

      Well said. 

  • http://www.erinmargolin.com/ Erin margolin

    My girls are years away from this, but I loathe the double standard. I hate this. But thank you so much for sharing.

  • http://www.jenspends.com/ Jennifer Roberts

    I don’t get it at all. When I was in high school (late 90′s), girl volleyball players wore loose shorts. A bit shorter than what the basketball players wore, but not like the underwear they wear now. If basketball players (and male volleyball players) don’t find it a performance issue, then what gives? I think it’s disgusting that the coaches are encouraging teen girls to dress like this.

  • Redneck Mommy

    I have been banging on this drum for more than four years now. In our club no cameras are allowed. For school volleyball my daughter refuses to wear those shorts. Too bad club regulations force it. Makes me so damn mad.

  • http://twitter.com/Leighbra Eryn

    Imagine how well they’d move if they were naked! /sarcasm

    So, I’m sorry, but why don’t the parents unite & complain to the coaches or the school admin? 

    I drove by our local school & the softball team was practicing in their sports bras. Middle school & high school practice together, so some of those girls were 11. There was a line of men standing on the fence line elbowing each other. I called the school & complained & told them what I saw. Just once. They’ve been in tank tops & t-shirts ever since.

    I know that was just one case, but if it upsets you, fricking complain.

    • Jill

      I kind of hate that the response to your complaint was to make the girls change their behavior, not the men. Ugh. 

      • Nikki

        I kind of hate that you expect the men to not stare at what the women are showing off.

        And I’m a woman.

        In high school, until we were banned from doing it, a lot of us used to practice for cheerleading in our sports bras and tiny shorts… FOR ATTENTION. Myself included. We practiced where the track runners, soccer players, and football guys could see us.

        I did the same thing in my karate classes. After I was done teaching class, I undid my uniform top and strutted around in my sports bra, because I wanted ATTENTION.

        My point is, the girls in this situation were given a choice of what to wear to practice. I’m POSITIVE they weren’t required to wear their sports bras to practice.

        It’s a different story when the uniform mandated seems to make more than a few people, including players, uncomfortable. But again, I stress that some girls may like wearing the tight short shorts… for ATTENTION. We’re talking pubescent pre-teens and teens for christ’s sake.

        • Jill

          They’re not “women.” They are GIRLS. Eleven year old GIRLS. The offenders weren’t boys of their same age, they were grown MEN.

          There is no grown man (or woman) who can justify perving on an underage girl. 

          If you like taking off your clothes for attention, good for you…I am sure you can get it if you want it. But rest assured there are women out there (like myself) who really don’t want to be leered at for wearing a sports bra when it’s too hot or a bikini when I’m on the beach. I also don’t think I should have to either cover up or grin and bear it simply because men seem to have convinced the world they can’t control themselves.

          I like dudes but I don’t leer and drool and elbow my friends in glee if I see a dude without a shirt. That’s gross, unnecessary, and inappropriate behavior pretty much all the time, but especially when underage girls are the targets.

          I’m really grossed out by your suggestion that a little kid plays sports in tight clothes to get sexual attention from grown men. I’m also pretty sure we wouldn’t like each other in real life. Trying to get sexual attention in karate class? Really?

  • Allison Mohr

    What reason does the governing body of young women’s volleyball give for requiring them to wear these shorts?  Why must young women dress like this?  Good post, thanks for writing it.

  • http://www.ooph.com/ Stefanie

    Thank you so much for addressing this. I have watched girls wear these for years and am always horrified by it. Maybe if the boys were required to wear them as well, there would be change. 

  • moscatomom

    When I played volleyball – some 15+ years ago now, we wore TIGHT shorts, but they were not this short… seems they keep getting shorter and shorter. 

    As for taking pictures – I agree with the comment below that we need to just unite and start complaining because honestly – I LOVE having my picture taken, and did back then as well.  Especially when I was going in for the kill or cheering and high fiving each other (hey those are big moments)  I hate to think we have to STOP taking pictures and letting our girls celebrate just because some idiot thought it was appropriate to have them play in shorts that resemble bathing suits.

    Sidenote: when I saw the title of this post I thought of my days playing volleyball and was coming to add to PROTECT THEIR WRISTS.   I was at the gym this morning struggling with weak weak wrists – and thinking of all of the MILLION serves I probably dished out.  Hahahaha

  • Mldyson3

    I absolutely agree! For this same reason I never allowed my daughter to be a cheerleader. You just want people looking at them and thinking/imagining things that they shouldn’t!
    My daughter (13) does play tennis and there’s no standard uniform (with the exception of color). If we’re not comfortable with their suggestions we’re allowed to modify it!
    I LOVE this post. It’s something I struggled with for several years now!

  • http://twitter.com/karlaarcher Karla Porter Archer

    I saw a little girl walking through the grocery story the other day and had the same reaction. I’d forgotten how short and tight those things are. It was stomach-cringing, to say the least.

    Thank you for bringing this up.

  • http://profiles.google.com/autumn.moss Autumn Moss Penaloza

    Jessica, thank you …this topic is enraging. If the response you’ve received below is any indication – I think a groundswell of support could emerge in your/our favor. I completely get what you mean by “Jane would lose”, but man, you would be the perfect spearhead for this.

    I have a 2 year old daughter and an ex-AVP husband – this is surely in our future. Thanks for the heads up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1384195891 Karen Lewis

    LOVE this. Thank you for writing about this topic. For too long, I have watched the women’s volleyball team shorts get shorter and tighter. I was a college volleyball player 20 years ago and our uniforms were bike shorts…still too tight, but at least they covered out rear ends. Glad to see parents coming out against this.

  • Mindy Stewart

    This post reminds me of the feelings I had at dance conventions with my daughter.  Nothing quite like it- dance moms yelling out to their scantily dressed daughters performing on stage “Work It!”.  Fortunately, my daughter’s  studio had higher standards.

  • http://dailycupofjo.com/ Daily Cup of Jo

    Allison Mohr’s question below is one I want answered.  We’re both athletes Jessica and we know that this has nothing to do with performance.  So why?  This IS a fight someone can win, mostly because it really shouldn’t be that big a deal.  Who’s willing to take it on?  Thanks for this post. 

  • Sara

    My 11 year old DD started Volleyball this year. When she came home saying she needed volleyball shorts I thought, what the heck do those look like? When I googled it I saw the images you saw. I was like OH no you don’t. So after doing some in store research, I was able to find some comparable ones but she too felt uncomfortable, always pulling at them. Of course, she plays for a small school so the crowd isn’t stacked with photographers, in fact sometimes I was the only parent there but if she decides to do club, I would definitely talk to the coaches about this.

    What I do for our pictures I get up on the highest end of the bleachers with my telephoto lens to try and get their upper halves playing and never share them online, not even on my personal FB. Too many pervs out there but I hope other people too try to be tactful with their picture taking when it comes to taking photos of their kids in all sports. My daughter is also on swim team and not that the swim suits are not tasteful but they cut in and obviously swim suits hug the body.

  • Jill

    What would/could happen if your daughter wore longer shorts to a game? Is it a regulation that she has to wear that?

    • http://jessicagottlieb.com JessicaGottlieb

      It is regulation. They have a uniform and she’d be out of uniform.

      Again, as much as I dislike it… this isn’t the hill I want to die on.

      • Jill

        This one is probably worth it. Kicking a kid off a high school sports team for covering up would make national news.

        What would they do with a religious person who is bound by her beliefs to cover up? Tell her she’s out of uniform? That’s actually against the law, I’m pretty sure.

        I think you should stick to your guns on this one. For once I wish I had a kid so I could help.

      • Jill

         Another question – what if she wore knee length spandex shorts and the shorty shorts over them? She’d still be wearing the uniform. Technically.

        I dunno, Jess, there’s no way I’d let this one go without a fight.

        • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

          I was allowed to do this in college competitions. I guess it’s different depending on where you live. 

  • http://lifeandtimesofstella.com/ Amber

    I think this is worth fighting for. I don’t understand how Jane loses by having a  Mom who stands up for her and all girls’ interests.

  • http://twitter.com/ptaillon Patrick Taillon

    As a photographer, I don’t believe the solution is banning pictures from being taken. There are plenty of good, genuine sports photographers who simply wish to photograph the sport/game, and players. There are so many girls volleyball photographs that exemplify the sport in a very tasteful, even heroic, way. 

    That said, I completely agree with the uniform issue itself. There is no need for shorts that restrictive. There is no need to objectify women in sports in any way, and it’s one of the most embarrassing aspects of our culture (the double standards we set by genders). 

  • noraquick

    Er, you cherry-picked images from your Google search and even of the ones you picked, just as with a real image search for “volleyball shorts” they’re college girls, as in 18+. Instead of banning cameras, why not try to get the school board and other parents on board with Umbros? Also, at 13, your daughter is safe from pedophiles (pedophiles likes kids under 11, 11-15 are adolophiles, and they’re fairly rare). She has more to fear from her mom oversexualizing the context of everything. 

    • http://jessicagottlieb.com JessicaGottlieb

      Not at all. Logged out of google, searched and screen grabbed.

      Nice theory though.

  • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

    I played volleyball in high school with an award winning team and our shorts were considerably shorter. Of course I went to a parochial school so that probably made all the difference. 

    What bothers me is that YOU chose to show pictures on here of someone’s daughter’s behind. Yes, you might not be able to see their faces, and yes you can obviously find them online elsewhere, but why add to the issue? 

    Another thing, I played volleyball well into college as well. Many of the women these guys are ogling on Redditt are college aged girls. It’s hard to tell in most of the pictures online how old the girls are of course, but it’s just food for thought. If I were you I would petition the school to buy less revealing uniforms. Those shorts are too short for high school aged girls in my opinion.

  • Redyellowblue1

    And when the school’s yearbook needs photos, and your daughter’s team is left out because you’ve banned photographers and now she has no memories of her team?

    • Redyellowblue1

       To clarify: I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I think you have to go one way or the other. Either accept it and get to know people taking the pictures so you can trust that your daughter isn’t being exploited, or challenge the uniform.

  • Whocares?

    The girl standing in the green, has a nice Butt,

  • JR_Francisco2006

    Yeah, okay. You make some good points but where does it end? Some “pervs” like toes and feet. Are you going to stop your daughter from wearing sandals or going barefoot too?

  • Guest

    Talk about insane overprotective mom…I’ve been wearing those shorts since started at 8, get over it, they’re shorts, people can look at your daughter’s ass if she’s wearing skinny jeans.

  • leah

    Let’s all solicit coaches, owners of club ball, clothing industry companies, parents,and any person we know who can change this standard for our daughters, sisters,and all girls we care about! It has to start somewhere and it isn’t the woment getting their kicks off this!

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  • Emma

    I play volleyball and I like the way I look in my spandex and it is performance related, so suck on that

  • Cohen

    I remember very clearly, back on the very last day of middle school (eighth grade, more than a decade ago), when the entire school was made to watch the girls’ volleyball team play for our entertainment. The shorts were underwear length and hideous. You can’t tell me that they were for performance because the girls kept picking out the wedgies every second they got and pulling down on the leg openings to make them sit right, and not just on breaks; it was during the whole of mock game. That should effect the performance negatively, if anything. And were they appropriate? These were twelve-year-old girls wearing “shorts” that didn’t meet the school’s dress code on two levels: the spandex and the length. Why do the girls have to wear those, but the guys get basketball shorts? It’s gross and belittling to see this.

  • Momonamission

    My 14 yo dd plays and we have always been able to find a local team that’s not wearing spandex. I hope you’ll speak up, for the sake of the girls who don’t want to wear spandex! Some of the other parents, if not most, certainly agree with you. Also, our club team doesn’t wear them and we have parents commenting that they wish their teams didn’t wear spandex either. Parents, please be a voice for your children! They are forced to grow up much too quickly nowadays. And for those of you concerned about how well they can play in shorts that are a couple inches above the knee pads, it’s not a problem. We have won 1st and 2nd place in our first 2 tournaments so far. :)

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