My book club is reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Everyone I know on Facebook and Goodreads is reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Months ago one of the Pocahontas‘ suggested I read it and I dutifully walked into Barnes and Noble only to find that it was backordered.

And then I realized it was mom porn. I’m trying to figure out what the hell mom porn is. Is it a whole book full of husbands who take out the trash, play with the kids and then get bonus checks? Maybe mom porn is about a woman who works out all morning, lunches with friends and then has time to nap before picking kids up in her new Bentley SUV?

I want to know what Mom Porn is people!

So I downloaded a sample to my Nook and immediately recognized the fact that my girlfriends have lost their minds. Can you imagine hundreds of pages of this?

She hands me a security pass that has “visitor” very firmly stamped on the front. I can’t help my smirk. Surely it’s obvious that I’m just visting. I don’t fit in here at all. Nothing changes. I inwardly sigh. Thanking her, I walk over the bank of elevators and past the two security men who are both far more smartly dressed than I am in their well-cut black suits.

A page later:

She’s more nervous than me!

Really, that was the sentence.

Chapter two begins with:

My heart is pounding. The elevator arrives on the first floor, and I scramble out as soon as the doors slide open, stumbling once but fortunately not sprawling onto the immaculate sandstone floor. I race for the wide glass doors, and suddenly I’m free in the bracing, cleansing, damp air of Seattle. Raising my face, I welcome the cool, refreshing rain. I close my eyes and take a deep, purifying breath, trying to recover what’s left of my equilibrium.

I’m just not understanding what part of this is engaging. I know the ladies of facebook say, “it’s all about the sex”.

So, I’m supposed to read a horrendous plot so that I can get to the sex? Maybe the moms don’t need 50 shades and they should treat it just like any other porn and fast forward to the good part? I cannot bring myself to buy this book. It’s just ghastly looking to me. I wish I had an anonymous blog because I think book club will be pretty uncomfortable next month.

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