Which Came First: the Anxiety Disorder or the Blog?

Bloggers are weird. Well, weird bloggers are good bloggers I suspect. Sometimes I like to tell myself that people read this site ┬ábecause I’m just like everyone else. Only I know I’m not just like everyone else because three hours ago I was sitting on a Southwest Airlines flight saving two seats and a guy with those bubbly gross Invisalign teeth whispered, “Fuck You” to me because I wouldn’t give up the good seats so I just smiled and tapped my teeth. I can sniff out vanity and attack it …

I Could Have Bought 25 New Dogs for that Price

That I love Junior goes without saying. He’s sitting on my right foot at the moment because he’s a little codependent and when you work from home dogs end up expecting even more from you. Unlike humans I enjoy Junior’s neediness, he’s like a little baby that snuggles but doesn’t require diapers or sleepless nights. He specializes in adorableness. I’ve made some mistakes with Junior, the biggest one being dental care. I just didn’t bring Junior in for a scraping every year. I was busy doing things like, oh I …

This is the Paula Deen Day I’ve Been Waiting for

It doesn’t make me a good person but I’ve disliked Paula Deen since I first laid eyes on her. In 2007 she gave an interview to Larry King where she revealed that she spent 10 years sleeping with and, perhaps more importantly, emotionally tied to someone else’s husband. I have friends whose marriages have survived affairs. I have friends with open marriages. I have no one in my life that I admire that would spend ten years lying. I’m not sure why she made her confession but it was before …

Sloth

I’m going to spend the next two hours lying in the pool and reading this. I’m going to pretend that I’m the sister who left her children for a life of leisure and that my 14 year old daughter who happens to be home today is actually a butler who has no emotional needs. And then I’m probably going to be up all night doing the crap I should have done today. It’s a tradeoff I’m willing to make.

I’m Completely Unable to Keep My Commitments

I just don’t have enough hours in the day. Jane is now a seasoned CIT with exactly one day of work under her belt. When I picked her up from camp yesterday at three she plopped into the passenger seat and started talking. At 4.30 she stopped talking. It was abrupt, she was finished. She had observed that five year olds don’t have filters and they tell you the truth. They also tell the truth when playing things like Fireball. They admit to being out when the ball grazes them. …