If You Must Have a Mommy Makeover Buy A New Lipstick. The End.

08.28.14


There have been a rash of publicists emailing Mom Bloggers asking them they’d like a Mommy Makeover. Maybe they think that since the kids went back to school we are all going to collectively look in the mirror and shriek, “What happened to me!?”

If, like me, you’ve enjoyed the summer with your kids, you’re probably past due a trip for a haircut but nicely tanned and looking relaxed. Not to worry, the Mommy Makeover can fix that too. They’ll fix everything, whether it needs fixing or not.

By far my favorite predatory Mommy Makeover came from Lucid PR. Thanks for this one kids. Because it shows the absolute cruelty that is used to sell women things that most of us don’t need.

Sit back and let Lucid PR demonstrate to you why we need real journalists (I am not one). I have added my thoughts in italics.

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This is the photo they sent.

“Mommy Makeover” for our stressed-out moms, heading back to school

With a new school year approaching, moms are getting busy — new uniforms, school supplies, PTA meetings, soccer practice, homework help, lunch duty… The list goes on and on, leaving our moms stressed out, tired, and rundown. Or they might be energized, invigorated and excited for their children and a return to routine. 

That’s why moms are turning to Metro MD’s “Mommy Makeover,” two treatments to get them revamped and re-energized for the new school year.  Many traditional makeover remedies (like the “nip tuck”) merely offer the appearance of youth. Every time I want to appear younger I go to a surgical center and have something lopped off my body, you too? But the “Mommy Makeover” isn’t just about looking better – it’s about feeling healthier, stronger, and more energized.  Here’s how it’s done:

1.      Hormone Replacement Therapy– As moms age, they experience a decline in growth hormone, leading to weight gain, reduced energy, forgetfulness, hot flashes, and mood swings.  Hormone replacement therapy corrects this imbalance, helping moms look and feel healthier and return to school with the energy they’ll need. Oh this is awesome according the Mayo Clinic the only side affects we should worry about with HRT are heart disease, stroke, breast cancer and blood clots. Thank goodness we have publicists to help us make these decisions. 

2.      PRP and CO2 Laser for Skin Resurfacing – Lets face it, being a mom is a stressful job – way more stressful than a kid.  With their busy schedules, moms don’t always have the time to take care of themselves, allowing wrinkles to creep in and skin health to suffer.  PRP and CO2 laser treatments regenerate aging skin and give moms their glow back. Oh, that’s right. Wrinkles come from not taking care of yourself. It has nothing to do with getting older or maybe smiling. As to PRP? Well, it has the same predicted outcome as ice and rest for joint injuries but don’t let scientific research get in the way of getting spendy.  

WHAT WE CAN OFFER

·        Interview(s) with moms using the “Mommy Makeover” to get ready for the school year

·        Interview with Metro MD, which offers the latest in hormone replacement and stem-cell-based therapies

 And just for giggles I’m including an email thread from earlier in the summer.

mommy makeover

mommy makeover response

It reads:

Hello Jessica,

Our company, Rejuvenic LA, is giving away a free Mommy Makeover to one lucky mom in the Los Angeles area. The Mommy Makeover includes a breast augmentation, tummy tuck, and vaginal procedures that are required or beneficial – you can view our contest on our Facebook: [redacted].

We would like to see if you would be interested in helping us promote our contest through social media, your website, or whatever works best for you.

Thanks!

Jane

And I respond:

You want me to help you carve somebody up and then pretend like they are lucky?

I am a good marketer, but I am not that skilled.

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