Haley ran away from home, a map her dad found highlights three cities Humboldt and Arcadia (both in California) as well as Bisbee, CA
If a blog could ever do something good this is it. Please share this video with everyone you know and a few thousand strangers. It’s the right thing to do.
Recently I wrote about why I won’t be friending my children on Facebook and the rules of our house. I wrote about why kids don’t need adult friends online and access to our children.
The backlash was swift and severe. People just don’t agree with me and, as usual, I’m totally okay with that.
I have one suggestion for y’all while reading my blog. Understand that this is one document written by one woman. I’m not a lawmaker or a teacher at your child’s school. There’s a very good chance that I’m not even your neighbor. So before you get angry and offended that I’ve likened friending your child on Facebook to helicopter parenting take a breath and think about why I might have struck a nerve. If it doesn’t apply to you, move on.
In any event if your teen is on Facebook it’s the end of COPPA for you. Your children officially have identities that are being bought and sold. This is the price of free. I’m not saying it’s good or bad. I’m just saying the sky is blue and my daughter’s data is being bought and sold. It’s a big and profitable business.
Now, for those of you who got very upset with me on G+ and Facebook and told me that I was a horrible negligent mother because I don’t friend my daughter on Facebook I’d like to talk to you about some other ways you can effectively parent your children though the murky waters of social media.
You can sit with your children and go on Facebook with them. Point at the kids and say, ooh isn’t that Leah from Pre K? My daughter loves looking at everyone’s pictures and giving me updates on the kids, their lives, schools, camps and sports. It’s nice spending real time with kids.
You can be your child’s admin. This can take many forms from spot checking to screen sharing. When Jane was setting up her Facebook account she was upstairs on her computer and I was in my office with a computer set to screen share. She knew I had to see how she was setting the site up but she also knew she had to be supervised. Screen share is an AMAZING tool during the week for homework when two kids are asking for your help and you have just one working printer. It’s only creepy spying if your kids don’t know you’re using it… which is frankly just fine at younger ages.
You can add your child’s logon to your devices and check in periodically. You can parent 80 gazillion ways and do so very effectively.
What you cannot do is expect to see your child on Facebook and have a complete picture of who they are. Pay attention to them at home, at school, in the company of friend and, yes, on Facebook too. Parents aren’t “finding out” that their kids are depressed from social networks, parents are finding out that their kids are depressed/anxious/afraid/happy/successful from parenting.
Hopefully your child has been on the internet with you a lot and knows not to give away a ton of personal information. Don’t fill our family trees, enter home addresses, fan their school, friend anyone they haven’t met in real life… there’s a very long list.
Sitting with your child in front of a screen full of their peers might bring about interesting discussions like, “Oh I didn’t know she was a bikini model, that’s an interesting after school activity for a 14 year old.” or “Why don’t you spend more time with Hannah? She’s really turned into a sweet girl.”
Your children (and all of us) will enter too much data. It’s what we do, it’s a mistake everyone makes (expect my brother who could put the NSA to shame). Recently I hosted a luncheon for MyInfoGuardian.com and a few friends. Here are some great posts about how to get your information (and your child who is now sharing) off the internet.
Mamavation is giving away subscriptions…. HURRY!
JoAnn is not quite sure why anyone should worry.
Kim got chills when she saw the information that was being bought and sold around her identity.
Sarah makes a great point about changing passwords (and no “password” is NOT a password)
Romy reminds us that simply registering to vote releases our data.
Julie talks about dating and cybersecurity, something every man and woman should think of.
Daphne has a great post about how much of her info is out there and mentions the money they lost to Maddoff
Jane’s big Hanukkah gift this year was Facebook. She’s allowed to be on the social network so long as she uses it appropriately. There are two big rules on Facebook:
There was a great article today at Mamapedia about a mom unfriending a nine year old child. The article showed great wisdom in hindsight. A little foresight might have made things smoother in the neighborhood.
Before you friend a child, any child but particularly your own, ask yourself what it might achieve. If your child is under 13 they aren’t supposed to be on Facebook but that’s not because of maturity or Facebook caring about childhood. It’s because Facebook buys and sells your data and it’s illegal to buy and sell data from children under 13. If you don’t want your data bought and sold stay tuned, I’ll provide you with a solution for that little problem tomorrow.
If your child is thirteen and on Facebook I’d like you to answer the following questions with a simple yes or no:
If you’ve answered Yes wholeheartedly to any of these questions then we diverge on our parenting. If the answers are no, as I suspect they are for most of us, then I’m confused about why you would want to cripple your child with your presence in their social network.
If you’re worried about stranger danger (not my concern but I totally get it if it’s yours), then why would you introduce everyone you’ve ever met at a conference and all of their friends to your child?
I’m not planning on being at my son’s prom any more than I’d planning on being part of my daughter’s Facebook timeline.
You absolutely may have different ideas about how a parent and child should connect in social media, but I can tell you this one incredibly important thing right now. The authors at Mamapedia talk about kids being teased about their pictures on Facebook. If you have pictures of your kids on your Facebook timeline make sure that they are pictures your children want shared with their classmates.
Women love to connect. We love to share in each other’s joys and uplift one another in times of need. The unanticipated consequence of Mommy Blogging and social networking is that we’re infringing on our children’s spaces and robbing them of the opportunity to make their own first impression. Let’s all step back a moment and think about a few ways we can connect with adults without totally humiliating our children.
And as always if you want privacy keep a journal, nothing here is private. Even if…
Recently I wrote about why I would never fan my child’s school on Facebook.
One of the most difficult tasks as it relates to time management is keeping the inbox functional. You’ll see that I don’t aspire to have a zero anywhere there, just manageable. I use my inbox as a place to store data. When I’m standing at Costco I can scroll through emails from Mr. G and be reminded that I need to buy shaving cream and gift cards. I love the ability to search keywords in my inbox and instantly come up with the email I knew I needed.
Unfortunately some marketers and publicists add bloggers like me to their email blast lists. They do it a bunch of different ways and not only do these pitches not work with me (and you can assume they won’t work with any solo blogger) but they can backfire in monumental ways that folks on the other end need to be aware of.
I am not interested in the same pitch everyone else gets. The only reason people read this site is because I am a “breath of fresh air” (which is apparently Australian for “obnoxious”). If a publicist emails me and 200 of my closest colleagues there is no good reason for me to respond. I don’t need the same information as everyone else. I need different information. I need to continue being a breath of fresh air. I’m willing to bet most other bloggers would agree.
When the salutation reads:
Hey there,
Hi,
Hi Mommy Blogger,
You’ve made it easy on me. I hit “spam” and your email disappears forever. Do I recognize that this method cuts me off from potentially great offers? Yes, but I also recognize that a good PR firm wouldn’t risk this. Your spam is my litmus test.
Advanced spammers use icontact, MailChimp, Constant Contact and other similar services. Last week I spent one morning unsubscribing to more than a dozen of these email subscriptions. I have ONE Constant Contact subscription that I’ve opted-in to, it’s for my children’s school.
It’s nice that all of these email subscription services have a one click unsubscribe available, but you still have to enter your email so I guess it’s not one click. What I’d like to do is be able to block Mail Chimp users from adding me to their lists. So I contacted Mail Chimp to ask them about this and they let me know in a form letter that it was not possible, I should use the unsubscribe button. I have a hard time believing that no one at Mail Chimp is capable of adding email addresses to a black list. If that is the truth then I’d be wary of using Mail Chimp’s service because they aren’t particularly advanced. What I suspect is the more likely scenario is that they just don’t care to spend resources on things like making people not hate them.
This week, as a special thank you to Mail Chimp I forwarded each and every unsolicited bit of email they sent me to CustomerSupport@MailChimp.com. Some days it was five in a row, other days there were none. I received a form letter explaining that I could unsubscribe and I’d diligently respond to that form letter by explaining to them that I’d like them to block my email address from their servers. I have a feeling that I wasted someone’s time and that they felt annoyed and less productive when I sent them the same message over and over again.
The folks over at Constant Contact are terrific. Yes, their clients totally abuse my inbox but they are willing and able (as every email subscription service should be) to block my email from their servers. Alas I need Constant Contact because my children’s school sends their weekly updates this way. I’ve been forwarding all my Constant Contact emails to Abuse@ConstantContact.com and they’ve blocked my alternate emails from their servers.
I’ve also set up filters for my email accounts. Kardashian and Oprah have their own filters as well as a few other celebrity names. I mean if you’ve already got the endorsement of a retired talk show host and an amateur porn star what more can I do for a brand?
In 2012 my inbox won’t be an out of control beast. I’m not sure how I’ll make that happen. I might switch email addresses again next week as I find that buys me a few months of manageability.
What do you suggest?
An interesting discussion has popped up in blogging forums this week. Recently a baby carrier was sent out to a group of mom bloggers for review. One of the bloggers, Shawn Ann, wrote a review of the product including images of how she used it and was asked by the consulting company to remove the pictures from her site.
Shawn Ann posted the following to the forums:
Anyway, I got an email today from Mom Central with this in it:
Quote
The Infantino team is very excited about this carrier and feels it is very important to make sure they are worn properly to ensure the comfort, support and safety of you and your baby. With that in mind, as I was reading through your posts it looks like the pictures you include show the carrier being worn incorrectly.
Since depicting proper use is so important, do you think it would be possible to take down the pictures for the time being? I’ve copied a member of the Infantino team Cary on this email and I’m sure she would love to connect with you to discuss further.Since we followed the directions for the product, watched the video on how to properly use the product. Would you remove the pictures or tell them too bad, that’s part of my review?
I honestly can’t see how they can say that the pictures show me wearing it incorrectly. The pictures are showing that our baby isn’t comfortable in it and that he’s not fully supported in it. I even pointed that out, the instructions are easy to follow (read wise) but actually putting the product on isn’t as easy.
The baby carrier review is here, and I’m assuming that the picture that the client dislikes is this one. [ed note: I added the text to the photo so that no one would be confused by seeing it out of context and think that this was a safe way to carry the baby, thanks for your comments]
It doesn’t look at all like Shawn Ann has used the carrier correctly… but that’s what’s so great about bloggers reviewing products. It’s good for moms to know that an infant carrier might be difficult to use. Maybe they’ll buy a different brand, or maybe they’ll buy that same carrier but only from a boutique where they’re given a lesson.
Remember this is an infant carrier. You will be carrying your infant in it. Safety matters (says the woman who dropped her baby 12.9 years ago and is still freaking out about it).
As a kudos to the women I spend my online time with there was a 90% consensus that it was a fair and honest review and that the pictures should stay up. These women are bold and brave and understand that their honesty could keep them from having more opportunities but at the same time they recognize that you can’t deceive your readers and expect to be trusted.
And then Rachel posted this in the forum.
I just got an email that they are asking everyone to remove the posts because so many are wearing it incorrectly. I know for a fact, mine was on correctly, it is just a crappy carrier. But I pulled the post for now.
If you’re a blogger I’m wondering what you would do, and if you’re a blog reader would you trust a blogger who “pulled a post” because a consulting company asked them to?
I was going to write a post about Epic Thanks and the school that must be built.
I was going to tell you about Gideon and Leah and how these two young people marched into my home and changed us forever.
I was going to tell you how I cried and cried when Mama Lucy left because I wanted to bask in the warmth of her smile for more days.
I don’t really have time for that today. Sloane has written beautifully about the Shepherds Junior School and the need to build a High School for these bright and motivated children. I don’t need to reinvent the wheel, go check out the Causemopolitan.
This Thanksgiving a few dollars can go a long way. I’ve set up a widget here, but of course I already donated my money over on Sloane’s widget. If the Twitter Kids have touched your heart the way they touched mine please make sure they can attend High School.
Leah will be an amazing Physician, Gideon will be an astronaut and Mama Lucy will continue making miracles by turning chicken coops into classrooms. Don’t you want to be part of that magic?
Jessica Gottlieb is a blogger in Los Angeles who is passionate about the intersection of family life and technology. Continue...
