Why I Never Watch the Ocars (or the Grammys)

In 1993 I was asked by a friend whose name rhymes with Grad Billespie to attend his company’s awards ceremony. We drove to Aspen Colorado in the springtime for his dinner and awards banquet. The company (which rhymes with Renterprise Ment A Far) went all out. We stayed at the Four Seasons, and the dinner was exquisite. Unfortunately my friend Grad had told me that we’d have two double beds, and we had one. No problem, we’ll just call for a rollaway bed and he’ll sleep on it. And then …