Bail Them Out: Save Detroit

02.19.09

Right now my friend Liz is having a heart attack. Based on the post title she’s probably already walked away from the screen, but give me a minute y’all. I haven’t gone socialist on you.

I’m just really tired.

I was at the LA Auto show in 2008 and I had the pleasure of meeting Scott Monty. I’m not a Ford fan, per se, but I’ve owned them and I wouldn’t be opposed to having another if they were the best product for me, at the best price (and price includes convenience). In fact, part of me wants to own a Ford so I can go into a dealership and be all, “Yeah I know the dudes that pimp market these cars.” Also, they gave a 2010 Mustang to a soldier, and well, it was like a Hallmark Card. I’m easy that way.

GM then comes on the scene (and by scene I mean Twitter) and they’re saying stuff like, “If you want to see the bailout stimulus plan, we have it on our website.”

Here’s the glitch with Twitter. I’m asking questions as I’m reading, so at page 21 I read that there are alternate fuel plants in Brazil. Being me, I get pissed. Let the Brazilians bail them out.

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We Raised A Bunch Of Sissies: Yes, I’m Politicking

12.12.08

APTOPIX Congress AutosAutomakers went to DC and asked for money. The government said, “no, you’ve been irresponsible. File bankruptcy and restructure.”

That same day.

My daughter Jane asked me for money for iTunes. “Take it from your allowance jar.” I told her. “It’s empty.” She replied. “I’m sorry, you’ll need to save more next week.”

Time passes

Automakers drive hybrids to DC and ask for money. “No” say the lawmakers. “But look, we’re in shiny new toys and we squished into them to and washed behind our ears and two million people are counting on us.” They plead. The Senate says, “No, clean up your mess.”

That same day.

My daughter Jane says, “Listen, I know I spent my allowance and I haven’t earned any money but I’m super cute so give me some cash or I’ll take down the whole 4th grade with me.”

“Sorry”, I say, “No can do, when I run out of money I stop spending. I’m teaching you responsibility.”

The next day.

The pwecious automakers don’t like the answer and ask the President for help. Two still don’t appear viable, Ford seems to be at a tipping point.

At the same moment.

Jane asks her father for the money I’ve said no to, and she is punished.

Don’t get me started on corn subsidies.