Withdrawing Back to Real Life

10.31.11

One of the problems with writing is that it’s a solitary event. I bring the kids to school, work out, shower, write a blog post, delete 300 emails and read a dozen that are actually important. This is what I do every single day.

It’s not a satisfactory way for me to spend my life. I need more people around me, but I’ve become so accustomed to the quiet that I find I don’t actually want people around, I just think I do.

The folks who understand my work life are the easiest to talk to and certainly I could be out and about every night of the week if I wanted to. The problem is that these aren’t my friends, these are people who would like me to talk about their products. They may enjoy my company and I may enjoy their company but we aren’t co-workers, they’re marketers on a mission to connect with people who read blogs.

I was at an event the other night and ran into one of them. Apparently their new company isn’t all that interested in bloggers and now that marketer isn’t all that interested in me. It felt lonely in the oddest way. Sort of like a retroactive loneliness where a light bulb went on and I recognized that they never really cared about me. To be fair I never really cared about them so I’m guilty of wasting everyone’s most precious resources, time and energy.

I’m trying to unplug a little more and nurture my offline friendships. The women who don’t blog and who have no idea what a Klout score is. I don’t know if I’m still reacting to the Women’s Media Grifter or if this is something that every blogger experiences.

I’m a little anxious about BlogWorld Expo. There’s a facebook group for speakers and everyone seems so excited to get together, to see old friends… I just have this horrible feeling that it will be a room full of people who want to get face time with bloggers with big platforms and there are only two possible outcomes. The first outcome is that I will be ignored, which is actually the most palatable of the two. The second possible outcome is that people will want to talk to me about blogging, which means that I’m back to square one, glad-handing with people who don’t really like me when I could (perhaps should) be spending time with people who actually like me.

I’ve got to figure this thing out.