Motherhood and Tummy Tucks

Recently the world had a collective tantrum when a mother pretended to us all that she was injecting Botox into the face of her eight year old daughter. There was the anticipated media frenzy as well as a full-fledged social media firestorm condemning the mother, condemning the pageant culture and calling for law enforcement to protect the child. It was the reaction everyone expected. Children should not have Botox. End of story. There are things that we do as adults that children cannot or should not do. We drink alcohol, …

I Can’t Update My Blog

I can’t sit down to write because I’m totally obsessed with converting my iTunes files to MP3 so that I can share a presentation with all of you. It’s obnoxious and stupid because I could have spent the last two hours describing to you just how amazing it is to present to a group of really smart adults at UCLA, but instead I’ve spent the last two hours screwing around with files that I don’t particularly care about and attempting to master a tidbit of technology that will be obsolete …

That Was a Compliment?

I was on the soccer fields last night and one of the Dads (who I really like and who I’ve known forever showed up). “Hey Jessica how are you?” He asked. “Great.” I smiled and lied. “Wow, you look different, something is different…” He sort of smiled and looked at my forehead. “I had my hair done, maybe it’s my hair.” I offered (and by done I mean colored) “No, no that’s not it, it’s something around your eyes…” “I had my brows shaped, and I’m wearing a little makeup.” …

New Humiliation

Monday morning I had to go get an eye exam. “When was your last eye exam?” The doctor asked me. “Never.” I replied. “I’m only doing this because the rheumatologist needs it. I see everything.” “and you are forty…” she asked. “Yes.” “Well, in two to three years you’ll probably need glasses, that’s when it happens for everyone.” She smugly responded. My baseline is fine, perfect even, and I left the office with eyes dialated. I could not see a thing. And sadly, I also could not squint to keep …

My Looks Are Fading and It’s Okay With Me

“My looks are fading.” She said. It wasn’t meant to illicit pity, nor was she fishing for a compliment. It was a statement of fact, a pragmatic woman who is looking for a few fillers in the creases around her mouth and a dab of botox around the corners of her eyes. Yes, your looks are fading, so are mine. We’ve known each other our entire lives, we’re staring at 39, we’ve fed babies and watched our perky breasts settle into sad parodies of their former selves. Our waists have …