PepsiCo Uses Cracker Jacks to Deliver a Full Assault on Your Children


I’m no fan of PepsiCo and it’s not a secret. There’s nothing wrong with a soda treat once in a blue moon (and I mean that literally so that would have you drinking about a soda a year) but soda is a horrible thing to put in your body and it’s even worse for children and girls. Today’s rant is not about soda though, it’s about one of the many frankenfood products PepsiCo owns.

PepsiCo is about to change Cracker Jacks. They’re adding a line called Cracker Jack’d.

Cracker Jack’d is not a movie about white guys from Georgia moving to South Central LA to steal cars circa 1987. Cracker Jack’d is a candy with caffeine added.

Yes, really. PepsiCo is going to stealth caffeinate your children.

See the tagline? Snacks with impact.


Let me talk to you about caffeine and what soda and Starbucks has done to us. We’ve normalized an addiction. We’ve pretended like needing morning coffee is normal and adorable. It’s not.

If you’re a coffee drinker (and statistically most of you are) and you don’t have your morning coffee how do you feel? Cranky, headachey, lethargic? Who in their right mind would gift that dependence to their child? Who would introduce a habit forming stimulant to children? Who would give their child a product that is guaranteed to weaken their growing bones? Notice that I’m refraining from lecturing adults about loving themselves enough to quit…

PepsiCo would.

There is no reason for our children to be drinking caffeinated drinks. There is no good reason for our children to have caffeine dropped into snacks made for them. The only reason anyone would caffeinate a child’s snack is to make it more addictive than the sugar already is. 

We need a new song to sing at baseball games. Cracker Jacks cannot be trusted. They have a facebook page for the new treats so ostensibly someone is listening.

EDIT: I’m not saying that Cracker Jack’d will kill anyone but it is worth noting that The New York Times is reporting that 5-Hour Energy (the one who leads in the energy trend) has been implicated in at least 13 deaths, 30 heart attacks and spontaneous abortions.


Caffeine Addiction is not Adorable


I get that you love your morning coffee. I used to love mine, and then I needed mine, and then I got the flu a few years ago and I didn’t leave my bedroom for four days. I had a hideous headache and a blazing fever. I’m not sure if the headache was from the flu or the caffeine withdrawls. I just know it was awful.

I really resent Starbucks, Peets and the McCoffees of America making coffee flavored milkshakes and getting my kids in the door. Jane is 12 and I had to sit down with her and her friends and explain to them that caffeine dehydrates you and is addicting. I told them about how people can’t function without their coffee and we think it’s cute and funny but really it’s not. It’s a chemical that takes control of your body.

I told them that caffeine is a total assault on your skin (they don’t care that it’s your body’s largest organ, they just know you can SEE it). I showed them all the brown teeth that coffee drinkers have and then I showed them this.

$3 x 365 = $1,095

I told them about caffeine and bone loss, and that their bodies are growing so it’s particularly important to care for growing bones.

I get that coffee is the socially acceptable addiction. I understand that people like to meet for a cup of it.

I just want to be very very sure that my kids are aware that a banana in the morning will give them more energy than a cup of caffeine.