A Shot in the Mouth


I order all my drinks with no ice. It’s not because I think people who chew ice should be quarantined (I do), it’s because some of my teeth are sensitive.

Over the course of the last few years I’ve had to pop into the dentist’s office to get my teeth sealed at the gumline, this takes away the sensitivity for a few months at a time. I don’t even realize they hurt until I stop drinking cold drinks, and then when someone asks me why I don’t want ice I have to say something out loud and realize I’m in pain.

Chronic pain is like that. It sort of sneaks up on you slowly and you don’t know you’re hurting sometimes until you’re ready to stop hurting. We just sort of adapt.

While in Florida I was ordering drinks without ice and someone asked me why. I mentioned my teeth hurting and then excused myself from the table and called the dentist to make an appointment.

The appointment was today.

So I figured I’d be going in and getting that sealant on my teeth again and it’s no big deal. I’m all back in the chair and we’re talking politics and schools and kids and she mentions giving me a shot to numb me and maybe getting in a deeper this time so the seal will last a few years. And I opened my eyes really wide because I don’t like to cry in public but I’m a tooth grinder and jaw clencher and my teeth are crazy sensitive. I might have screeched something about her being an evil stepmother (though she was my dentist long before she was my stepmother).

And I let her give me the shot and fix the teeth and now I’m talking like I’ve had a stroke which made everyone giggle. The drool though… the drool is decidedly not adorable.

Junior and the Doggy Dentist


A few months ago Junior started licking everything. He licked the air, your hands, your clothing, my bed linens, everything. I thought it might have been behavioral as the latest addition to our family is not a lover of dogs. A few weeks ago I noticed that in addition to licking Junior had bad breath. He didn’t have typical dog breath, but he had the sort of breath where you longed for a good whiff of his ass because his ass would smell so much better.

So I brought Junior to the vet and the vet recommended a scaling. I knew this would happen because I could see the build up on his teeth. I’ve been a poodle owner for more than half my life so I know that the little dogs are particularly problematic when it comes to dentistry. Those anethesia free teeth cleaning services aren’t a good plan for a little dogs for a variety of reasons.

Today was scaling day. I brought Junior to the vet at 7.30 this morning and I missed getting my kids up and out the door so the whole day was a little funky for me. At about 11am I got a call from the vet to let me know that Junior had infections in his gums. To make a very long story short Junior lost eight teeth, got four antibiotic packs, and I lost any hope of ever having diamond earrings.

Oh also, his leg looks like the lamb chop I’m about to have for dinner.

He’s on my lap and moaning and all I want to do is cry and suck down a glass of wine, but Sandy the sadist trainer said that alcohol consumption can slow down your metabolism by 36%. I don’t want to be the fat lady with the toothless poodle.