Junior and the Doggy Dentist


A few months ago Junior started licking everything. He licked the air, your hands, your clothing, my bed linens, everything. I thought it might have beenĀ behavioralĀ as the latest addition to our family is not a lover of dogs. A few weeks ago I noticed that in addition to licking Junior had bad breath. He didn’t have typical dog breath, but he had the sort of breath where you longed for a good whiff of his ass because his ass would smell so much better.

So I brought Junior to the vet and the vet recommended a scaling. I knew this would happen because I could see the build up on his teeth. I’ve been a poodle owner for more than half my life so I know that the little dogs are particularly problematic when it comes to dentistry. Those anethesia free teeth cleaning services aren’t a good plan for a little dogs for a variety of reasons.

Today was scaling day. I brought Junior to the vet at 7.30 this morning and I missed getting my kids up and out the door so the whole day was a little funky for me. At about 11am I got a call from the vet to let me know that Junior had infections in his gums. To make a very long story short Junior lost eight teeth, got four antibiotic packs, and I lost any hope of ever having diamond earrings.

Oh also, his leg looks like the lamb chop I’m about to have for dinner.

He’s on my lap and moaning and all I want to do is cry and suck down a glass of wine, but Sandy the sadist trainer said that alcohol consumption can slow down your metabolism by 36%. I don’t want to be the fat lady with the toothless poodle.


Off Kilter


I didn’t bring my kids to school this morning, I didn’t even make sure they brushed their teeth after breakfast. I didn’t even make them breakfast, they had cereal.

Mr. G loosely supervised the morning routine and our carpool brought them to school this morning while I brought Junior in for a little dental work. Since Junior is such a tiny dog they cannot clean his teeth without sedating him. If they apply pressure to his tiny little front teeth and he resists there is a great danger of the tooth simply breaking apart.

Junior isn’t really the best example of evolution. He’s a better example of inbreeding.

Nothing’s wrong with anyone really, but I feel off kilter. I need my routine and I need to get my kids off to school every morning in order to feel normal. I didn’t get that today.