In case you’ve never tried Cottonelle Fresh Clean Wipes this is your chance to not only get a tub free, but to send a tub to a friend. At what other moment in your life do you get to say to a friend, “Here try using something moist to get your gear clean.”?
If you haven’t seen the video yet, I’d love for you to take a peek, and don’t forget that Funny or Die is all about the community saying if something is funny, or if it should die. If you think it’s funny go ahead and click funny, if you think it should die… well… you won’t. You can’t possibly.
At least Larry knows how to get a true clean every dayshe says while holding a garden hose. Oy! I’m told that the folks at Cottonelle are very conservative, so I’m not going to talk about Larry, and why things need to be clean. I will refrain from all potty humor and all sex humor, but I will talk about how much restraint I have, because I know you, my readers have the same horrible humor that I share with twelve year old boys who think know that farts are funny.
So, if you haven’t had a moment, please take a look at Funny for Die. Remember I AM FUNNY, and if you’ve been wanting to try Cottonelle Fresh Clean Wipes this is the right moment. They even have a little hanger so that they can be on the wall next to your toilet tissue.
This post was written through my partnership with the Cottonelle Brand. All opinions and thoughts are my own.
Except that it was two pages long, and it was from the folks at Cottonelle . I was actually in the car with my husband and my kids, and might have shrieked a little bit. Cottonelle and Funny or Die were making a video featuring their Fresh Moist Wipes (you know you’ve heard Howard talk about them), and they wanted ME. Apparently they wanted Mom from the social media space (that would be me), who has a good sense of humor (that would be me), and who can give a little bit of a judgy look (that would be me?).
The Cottonelle Fresh Moist Wipes (FMW) team was amazing, they had to coordinate the kids and I returning from Florida on a 6am flight, getting us all to my house, and then having me on set a little later in the day than what might have been ideal. My kids were BEAT. We had to leave Orlando at 4am so in the spirit of being a Hollywood Diva I asked for car service.
The kids and I arrived at LAX and there was a line of drivers with signs, and one guy who looked like he was from the Secret Service. The Secret Service guy was our driver. The kids were hopping up and down, because really what could be more fun than a ride in a limo? I ended up letting the kids enjoy the gigantic back seat and I chatted with the driver, who had been Mrs. Nancy Reagan’s personal driver for at least a dozen years.
A great start to the day, no?
So I got home, got the kids situated, took a quick shower, and ran to the set. Mercifully it was a five minute drive from my house. My hair was still damp when I got there, and from my appearances on Dr. Phil I knew exactly what to do.
Kiss up to the hair and makeup lady.
So I got to the set, which is basically a gated estate in a swanky part of town that I can’t afford would like to live in, and there’s a huge crew. There are about 20 people milling about, there’s a tent, there’s lighting, there’s a minivan, some cameras, there’s a director, and there are actresses. They are acting.
This is where I panic.
I had, once again, lost the forest for the trees. I was totally enamored with the thought of working with Funny or Die. I was thrilled that the folks at Kimberly Clark had any idea who I am, and I was tickled to be asked to be part of the Cottonelle FMW campaign, but I’d forgotten one quick thing.
I am not an actor.
True, I do plenty of video. My main gig is Momversation, but that’s just talking to the camera. I’m not acting, there is no script. I don’t have to look a certain way, and there aren’t TWENTY PEOPLE STARING AT YOU.
So yes, I arrived at the set of Funny or Die, and thought about what it was I’d agreed to do for the first time. Sometimes I’m not brilliant. But I did have my plan. I met the director (who was super nice) and then I went inside the house for hair and makeup. The makeup lady did not require kissing up to, she was super sweet. So I plopped down in a directors chair which is in the family room of this estate that we’re filming in, and had my face painted and my hair blown out.
I had arrived on set at about 10.30 and my hair and makeup was done at at about noon, and then I noticed that the house was pretty warm. Actually, it was suffocatingly warm. I found out that they have to keep the air conditioner off because it interferes with the sound.
So I made my way out to the video playback tent. The video playback tent is a shady tent where they have instant video of the scenes being shot. It lets everyone see what the camera man is seeing. I’m not sure why the other people were sitting there, but I was there because it was very very hot outside and I was wearing jeans.
Here’s the view from the tent, see all those young men? They have to soap the minivan in between takes so that it looks like everything was filmed all at once. There are jobs that I’d never really thought of.
I watched Jean Villepique and Deanna Raphael do their scenes a half dozen times, each time with more enthusiasm than the one more, and when the cameras weren’t rolling they went back to their own personalities. Which was weird. Again, it dawned on me that I AM NOT AN ACTOR. These are extraordinarily talented women.
So I snuck off the set and called my friend Anna (who IS an actor) and I said, “Anna, I’m in over my head. I’m on set with Funny or Die and I am just realizing that I don’t know how to act.”
She calmly said, “Sure you do. What’s your line?”
“I don’t have a line. I just have to push a stroller and give a judgy look.” I said.
“Oh please, you can do that in your sleep.”
It was time for lunch, and it was catered by a local bakery. I had a sandwich and tried to calm my nerves.
Next we went out on the street. All twenty of us, camera guys, lighting guys, a director (who is part snake charmer I think), assistants, sound people, traffic people. There were people for people, and everyone seemed to have a very real job to do.
All I had to do was push the stroller. Stop. Look. Do a double take, and then continue walking. I was hearing Anna’s voice in my head, “You can do that in your sleep.”
Until the director sent out his guy who was like, “Okay, this time I’d like you to be amused.” ACK I didn’t practice an amused face (I didn’t need to practice a judgy face, that’s just the one I own) so I tried. And I know it sucked.
After the failed “amused” take the guy comes running out to me, all smiles and he’s like, “was that still your annoyed face?” And since I was busy dying a thousand deaths in front of strangers I was like, “uh yeah, sorry.”
So we did it another seven times, and they had everything they needed.
I went home and slept for three hours. It was the longest toughest day I’d had in many years. I know, limo rides, makeup, tents on hot days, catered lunches. But I’m telling you it was exhausting.
Now, if you’ve never tried Cottonelle Fresh Moist Wipes today is the day, until supplies last (and I worry they won’t last long) you can go to GetFreshWithAFriend.com and send a tub of wipes to a friend, and one to yourself. I’ve already sent one to my cousin, mostly because I want to see how in the world he’ll ever thank me.
This post was written through my partnership with the Cottonelle Brand. All opinions and thoughts are my own.
Orlando was a blast. It wasn’t a little bit fun, it was two and a half days of having every second planned. We had theme parks, restaurants, a luau, The Blue Man Group and a movie in the pool (that was impromptu). The kids were tired, I’m not sure that they’ve ever had that level of activity before. A VIP Universal Tour isn’t the vacation I ever would have planned, but it’s the vacation I should have planned. I’ll post about that another day.
I have to say we lucked out. There were a half a dozen families, and a half a dozen terrific kids. Two days can be a very long time if you aren’t in good company, and all the kids were just fabulous. I realize I’m being vague. I’m tired. I’ll have to write a long post about our days, because y’all really won’t believe all we did in just two days.
Last night, after two solid days of running around Universal I got to meet a group of bloggers I’ve been wanting to meet. It was about four years ago that I started to follow Mike online. Mike led me to Steven and then to Keith, and before I knew it I was eavesdropping on the funniest guys online. And some of the kindest too.
When my life was falling apart I would get almost daily emails from Mike. There was so much safety for me when I would get those emails. As I was saying goodbye to my dearest friend Steven I was having a hard time managing my day to day existence. My girlfriends and my neighbors would say, “hi, how are you?” and they didn’t really mean how are you. They just meant “hi”. I’d start to weep, or worse, grit my teeth.
Having friends at a distance can be extraordinarily helpful when you’ve run out of nice. Mike will never know the real impact of his words.
Last night I got to meet Mike, Steven and Keith, and they did not disappoint. It was absolutely magical to meet someone that you feel like you already know, only to find out that all your instincts are absolutely correct. Warm, funny, irreverent… They brought along Manny and Mark, who are also absolutely hysterical. I’m pretty sure I’d abandon all my housework if I lived near these men. Everyone knows that a housewife without her gays is a pot without a lid.
My friends the DeVores came and joined us. I’d never met Tessa before, but I’d met David through Jeff Pulver, and everyone knows David Junior. Being able to introduce two sets of friends is a great joy, and I was pleased that everyone laughed and enjoyed each other’s company.
From nine to 11 pm the eight of us nursed cocktails while the kids watched The Karate Kid in the pool of the Hard Rock Hotel. It was a wonderful night. Saying goodbye was difficult.
Except for the fact that the kids and I had to get up at 3.30 in the morning to catch a 6am flight. You see, last week I got an email asking if I could do a cameo on Funny Or Die. They wanted to know if I was available on September 1. I swear to all that is holy, had I been scheduled for open heart surgery, I’d have postponed it.It’s Funny or Die. It’s WHY the Internet was invented (shut up, not everyone thinks the net was invented for porn).
So we hopped on the 6am flight, the kids were, once again, terrific, and I dropped them off at home, took a quick shower, and ran to be on set by eleven. I had my hair and makeup done, and then I sat in the video tent to watch the actresses do their thing.
As I’d been chomping at the bit to have my cameo I’d forgotten one important thing. This isn’t Momversation, the news, or Dr. Phil, this is acting, and they expected an actress. Once again, I hadn’t really thought things through.
Just after lunch they got to my scene, and with about 800 pounds of makeup on I did what they asked me to. And I realized that it was difficult. i think we had seven takes on the one shot, and two or three on the closeups, and the worst part of it was how nice everyone was.
I know, that sounds weird. But I’d spent an hour watching two very good actresses turn a script into a great scene with tons of energy, and I just felt weird. There were like twenty people watching us, and they kept telling me that I was doing a great job, but it didn’t feel great. I just felt nervous and out of my element, but it was fun, and then I was nervous again.
And ohmygoodness I’m not an actress, but I’d totally do it again just to have my hair and makeup done. Oh, and to have those guys from Funny Or Die tell me I’m great. I have to say, that in the normal course of my days I’d have to wait weeks to hear that I was “doing great”, but on set with them I only waited about twenty seconds. I don’t even care if they were telling the truth. It felt good.
I was finished with Funny or Die by three, and I came home, washed my face and fell into bed for a two hour nap.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I’ll spend most of the day tomorrow moving very slowly, and perhaps napping again. In reality I’m not a great traveler, but we’ve been just about everywhere this week.
I shot a quick video with my FOD hair and makeup done. I couldn’t quite let it go to waste.