Now I Hate PETA Because They’re Making Me Defend SeaWorld

10.26.11

I don’t like SeaWorld. I don’t like PETA. When I think of two companies (PETA really is just a crappy PR firm) that I’d wish off the planet I think of Sea World and PETA. I’ve been to Sea World both as a child and as an adult and I find it incredibly depressing. They’ve taken mammals who migrate hundreds of miles every year and trapped them in tiny swimming pools (ask a marine biologist about the wilted dorsal fins).

shamu at seaworld folded dorsal fin

If I had a magic wand Sea World, and all the aquariums with performing mammals, would be shut down and the creatures would be safely returned to the sea. This is a feat that would require a magic wand.

In their latest PR Stunt PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is suing SeaWorld for keeping five performing killer whales in conditions that violate the 13th Amendment ban on slavery.

PETA is a large collection of stupid people. I’m not saying that to be funny or to glib. I’m not trying to get a reaction from anyone. Plain and simple, people who work for or donate money to PETA are morons.

The Constitution (and it’s amendments) exist to protect people. Whales are not people. If I could write the prior two sentences in smaller words for PETA folks to understand I absolutely would.

Now, let’s pretend for a moment that we were all dropped on our heads and have the same ridiculous thought patterns as the folks over at PETA. Let’s enter a total fantasy land and pretend that PETA successfully sues SeaWorld on behalf of five whales for slavery and there is a Judge who goes for it… maybe he’s had a cerebral hemorrhage and the shunt wiggled something in his brain. Let’s travel into this fantasy land where the US Courts would want to free the slave whales.

Next will PETA sue to free the enslaved horses that work on ranches? Perhaps Junior should sue me because sometimes I don’t take him on enough walks. The gate is closed and clearly he exists only as a love slave for everyone in the house.

Further, there are slaves in this world. There are slaves in America. It’s wildly offensive that anyone would compare mistreated and imprisoned mammals to humans.

I get a little giggly that PETA and SeaWorld are stuck in a cesspool together. If lawyers are going to work overtime and waste a corporation’s money, at least these are corporations that deserve to lose a lot of it.

Photo credit to Boon Lee Fam on Flickr via Creative commons