I’m Completely Unable to Keep My Commitments


I just don’t have enough hours in the day.

Jane is now a seasoned CIT with exactly one day of work under her belt. When I picked her up from camp yesterday at three she plopped into the passenger seat and started talking. At 4.30 she stopped talking. It was abrupt, she was finished. She had observed that five year olds don’t have filters and they tell you the truth. They also tell the truth when playing things like Fireball. They admit to being out when the ball grazes them. She thinks that kindergarten will cure them of their honesty in both good and bad ways. Five year olds are cute, really cute (according to Jane) and she is convinced that her group is the cutest group because their moms are all models. This may or may not be true I’ll need to call the owners of the camp.

This morning Jane wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to go to camp. She wasn’t sick, just worn out. Completely worn out. Alexander is trotting off to tennis camp joyfully and still somehow has energy to spare.

The kids don’t have homework in the summer, which is obviously fantastic, but I hadn’t realized just how much I relied on that quiet homework hour to get my own stuff done. I’m behind on posts, I barely use twitter anymore and don’t even ask me about exercise. I’m just behind on my life.

I spent the morning filming for a show I can’t tell y’all about but here’s a hint, it’s part of Glass Elevator Media and it’s going to force you outside your comfort zone (I know, shocking). After filming the talent and I (I’m so Hollywood that I can’t tell you her name but I can call her The Talent) went to lunch to talk about what had just happened and sat down next to two women I’d gone to middle school with. These ladies are perfectly maintained (not surgeried but they look pampered) which made me think that I need to get my ass in gear. This whole “natural” look isn’t doing me any favors.

Tangentially, I’ve been to Australia twice this year and recently wrote a post for iVillage AU about the onset of my Rheumatoid Arthritis. I’m really not sure how to talk about it today because I am in a completely fucked up place with my hands but I just read the world’s whiniest post ever about living with RA and it leaves me with little sympathy for the people I have the most in common with. Does that even make sense? Also Kelsie is having a hard time and it makes a little joint stiffness seem like a cake walk. Part of me just aches with empathy for her and the other part of me is aggravated that I can’t visit, not at her, just really annoyed by the situation. I get the fuck cancer sentiment, I really do.

I’m going to miss the Window’s Champion Webinar today because I’m the worst Champion that Windows ever hired but I can tell you one thing you need for summer travel. XE has an app for Windows 8 and it’s fantastic. I’ve always used XE.com for currency conversion. The app features live rates but it also stores your latest update so if you’re out of range (as travelers tend to be) it will still work. Also if you’re headed off to school and have a .edu email address Microsoft will chip in 10% of the cost of a new computer when you set up a chip in campaign.

microsoft chipin

I’ve got to grab Jane from the movie theater, she and her friend Rob are seeing The Purge (you can judge me now) and then pick up Alexander from camp. I’ll throw some food his way and then take the kids to a screening of Monsters U. I’m going to not sleep in the movie. I’ve learned to try and set attainable goals for myself.


#Previlean Chat: Wednesday July 18 10am PT


Plan on joining me and Anne-Marie Nichols for another Previlean chat. This week we will talk specifically about the ALCAT test, what it is, why we took it and food sensitivities. Anne-Marie took the test a few years ago and found it life changing. Also joining us will be the team from PreviMedica. Be sure to follow everyone on twitter:

@JessicaGottlieb (me)
@amnichols (Anne-Marie)
@PreviMedica (the official PreviMedica twitter id)
@AmyPieczarka (director of nutrition services)

RSVP here with your name and twitter id for the second #PreviLean twitter chat on Wednesday July 18 at 10am pacific time (that’s 1pm eastern)


Anne-Marie Nichols is a social media consultant and professional healthy food and lifestyle blogger. She started her blog This Mama Cooks! On a Diet™  in 2004, where she shares healthy recipes and lifestyle tips for busy moms and their families. She also writes about subjects such as gluten free living, dental health, skin care, fitness, weight loss, and food allergies and sensitivities.You can connect with her on Twitter @amnichols and Facebook.

Finally and most importantly, she’s mom to Nathan, 12 and Lucie, 9 and wife to Paul, a chemist, avid outdoorsman, and motorcycle enthusiast. They live near Athens, Georgia.

I’ll have some prizes from my friends at Microsoft. Be sure to RSVP so you’re eligible to win them.

The Craziest Day Ever: Brought To You By Microsoft Kinect, Mc Donalds and The LAFD


Yesterday was the first Monday of Summer Vacation. The kids went to camp, and I began to tackle the 800 chores that were neglected for end of school festivities.

In the early evening we were invited to the Microsoft X Box Kinect reveal. The kids and I went with Tiffany and her son downtown to the Galen Center where we would meet up with my husband and family. Tiffany boldly navigated traffic the likes of which I have never seen before, and then we all waited in line. Oh, and then we waited some more.

There was no food, there were no drinks, there were no vendors. There were water fountains inside, but nothing for the wait in line. This was an event where you could RSVP your children. Note to self: do not bring children anywhere free. The cost of free is high.

After we made it in we put on these wacky white ponchos with shoulder pads that channeled Joan Collins circa 1985, and we took our seats. There was a weird screen between the seated audience and the audience on the floor. The audience on the floor was interacting with the Cirque Troupe while the seated audience watched through a mesh screen. Weird. Not good, not bad, weirdly engaging.

The reveal was amazing.

Seriously amazing. I sat there and poked Tiffany about three hundred times saying, “I want that.” and “Oh wait, I want that too.” And she never ever poked me back, nor did she shush me. I’m pretty sure it’s because she was tired. I’m pretty sure everyone knows that Kinect was previously called Project Natal, and it’s an XBox that watches how your body moves with three little cameras. Instead of holding numchuks like on a Wii, you simply stand in front of the machine and move as if you were  in the game. There are no controllers. It will be available November 4th, and I’m pretty sure that everyone will want one for the Holiday Season. As the parent of kids who have mostly outgrown the Wii, I see this as the next logical step. Oh, also, I want the yoga program. Like I really really really want it.

Here’s a snippet of a family playing a car racing game:

Now I promised you crazy, and I’m going to give you three crazy things that happened last night. I’ll give them to you in chronological order, though certainly not in order of import or oddity.

At the Kinect reveal event I could not find my brother (who I was really looking forward to spending time with), but I did accidentally sit down right behind my ex-stepbrother, his wife, and their two children. The ex step brother and I have no real contact, it’s always strange when we bump into one another. Every few years there’s an awkward “Jessica? Jessica Wilzig?” and I have to remember that I had a different name once upon a time. Our parents divorced in the late 80’s or perhaps the early 90’s? I was absolutely delighted to see him, and it’s been fun watching his wife’s star rise. I tried to explain to my friends who he is, but one guy just looked at me and said, “How does that even happen?” I don’t really have a good answer for that one. It just does.

When we left the Galen Center my husband was ravenous so we drove through Mc Donalds. In my head I’m screaming, don’t do it. Don’t buy this shit, don’t have a salt lick and dogfood for dinner. But the outside of me smiled, and recognized that I’d asked my family along to an event that delighted only me. The kids got hamburgers at 10PM. I said nothing. Everyone in the car recognized the oddity of my silence.

As we turned our car onto our street I glanced at a neighbor’s house and saw smoke billowing from a window. “Honey, I think the pink house is on fire.” As I said the words I thought, oh I’m overreacting, there’s no possible way that the house is on fire. Indeed I was not overreacting, the house was very much on fire.

My husband pulled the car over, told me to dial 9-1-1 and then he went to the front door of the smoking house, and started banging on the door. We could see lights being turned on, and smoke filled every inch of that home. After a moment a man answered the door, I watched my husband talk to him, and then the strangest thing ever happened.

The man walked back into his smoky house.

At this point in time the LAFD was en route, and I was still on the phone with an incredibly well trained dispatcher giving him details as I had them. The dispatcher didn’t react at all as I told him, “the man is going back into the house.” Nothing, no reaction whatsoever. Good work, LAFD our city needs unflappable. I did have the house confused with another, and I was terribly concerned that there were children inside, so it was only after my husband came back to the car and reassured me that that homeowner was not Indian that I exhaled. You see their immediate neighbor is a young Indian family, and the thought of children being in there was just too much to bear.

After fourteen minutes, 29 firefighters were able to put the flames out. My children huddled with other neighbors and we all looked on with horror as flames licked the sides of the pink house. I looked on with horror as my children ate McDonalds.

The homeowner eventually came to our side of the street to talk with the Battalion Chief. His hair was as wild as his eyes, and there was a trickle of snot coming from his nose. The kids wanted to see what would happen, but I had to take them home and to bed. My neighbor was having the worst moment of his life, and now that we knew he was safe it was time to go.

Every part of the evening conspired to have us drive down our street from the wrong direction and notice a plume of smoke.

Thank goodness.

I Cannot Function With Microsoft: Someone Get Me A Typewriter


I have a stunning new computer that is fast, quiet and hard working. The only thing my computer needs is an operating system.

Oh, and some software.

You see, every time I copy and paste into Microsoft Word (my OS is Vista) it crashes and gives me a DEP message. DEP is Data Execution Protection, execution is right, it kills my work.

I follow the advice (given by Microsoft while using their operating system and their software) and manually whitelist Word so DEP won’t make it crash.

It crashes.

I cry.

I call HP, it’s got to be a computer problem. HP checks the Microsoft fourms, it is a known problem with no workaround.

In order to use Word, I must first copy onto notepad?

Here’s the link to Open Office. It’s free, and it hasn’t crashed yet.

In the interim a typewriter would be handier than a computer loaded up with Microsoft.

IRL I’m Also Prickly: Microsoft BizSpark Party In Los Angeles


Last night I was lucky enough to attend the Microsoft BizSpark party in LA.

I did not win the gaming console *le sigh* my children are the last two in the developed world who have been denied gaming systems. Eh, the Mac Laptops my mother showers them with will have to make due.

I’m giving you a very brief recap because I’ve got a tennis match in 45 minutes I’m really busy today and I’m going to the premiere of Marley and Me this evening. Yari, I’m all about Team Anniston (don’t worry, Yari gets it).

Moving along:

Picked up Lolita and headed to Hollywood for the BizSpark Party. In the car she’s texting someone and I’m like, “who are you texting?”

“Oh just my dumb friend who is so shy that he can’t walk in until we get there.”

“Who is he? Do I know him?”

“No, he’s just a blogger, he goes by the name of …