Apparently You Can’t Sew A Snake’s Mouth Shut. Anymore

When we started dating I was working crappy sales jobs and Mr. G was working crappy production jobs. One of his production jobs was walking through a snake pit, but he was delighted to keep the pants and boots. He wore those pants until they were threadbare. They did look good on him. *0:50 in is Mr. G’s feet When I went to Mr. G’s apartment for the first time his mother called. Of course he didn’t answer the phone, and we giggled like children listening to her leaving a …

Overheard: Processed Food

Last night I was opening a box from Kenmore. ALEXANDER: What’s in the box Mom? ME: I don’t know why don’t you help me open it? [We open the box and it’s a Food processor] ALEXANDER: Mom it says food processor. Does this mean we finally get processed food? Will it make us McDonalds at home? Finally!

Overheard: But You Don’t Want to Sleep With Me

Last Sunday night I went to a screening of Burlesque with my friend Heather. It was a charity event that benefited Project Angel Food, and it’s quite possible that Heather and I were two of the only straight people in the theater. I wasn’t particularly dressed up, good jeans and a cashmere sweater. I wasn’t wearing any makeup, but I felt good. When I saw Heather she, of course, looked amazing, and she told me I looked good too. It’s what girlfriends do. After the movie Heather ran into the …

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I picked Jane up from school a few moments ago and had the following conversation: ME: How was school? JANE: [in one big breath] Wonderful, we’re learning algebra and it isn’t even hard and in art class I’m making a disco/nerd Picasso guy and my muse is the Simpsons comics and mom how come you haven’t showered? ME: Oh I’ve been busy teaching myself Drupal and I got really excited about it and ran out of time. JANE: Mom that’s what nerds do who live in their Mom’s basement. ME: …

Overheard: On Single Sex Schools

At the dinner table: ME: Jane, I’m going to start looking at some schools, should we look at Immaculate Heart? JANE: Ooh, Joe’s sisters go there don’t they play hockey? ME: Yeah, it’s a great school for sports, but you’d have to apply for 6th grade, there’s a few other girls schools we can look at if you want. HUSBAND: Girls schools? ME: Immaculate Heart is an all girls school, there’s also Archer, and Marlborough and… HUSBAND: Why don’t we just buy a pole now and a pair of dancing …