If You Must Have a Mommy Makeover Buy A New Lipstick. The End.

There have been a rash of publicists emailing Mom Bloggers asking them they’d like a Mommy Makeover. Maybe they think that since the kids went back to school we are all going to collectively look in the mirror and shriek, “What happened to me!?” If, like me, you’ve enjoyed the summer with your kids, you’re probably past due a trip for a haircut but nicely tanned and looking relaxed. Not to worry, the Mommy Makeover can fix that too. They’ll fix everything, whether it needs fixing or not. By far my …

It’s Not Like You Need ALL Ten Toes: Plastic Surgery for High Heels

The title of CBS News’ story is Women Undergoing Foot Surgery to Fit into Heels Better. I saw it and thought, “Old news. Everyone gets those collagen injections into the balls of their feet so they can toddle around in sky high heels. Some women have collagen injections to make their feet look younger.” But I was wrong. It’s actually more invasive than some random injections. Apparently the ladies of New York City are asking surgeons to shorten their toes so that they can fit into high heels. I find …

Motherhood and Tummy Tucks

Recently the world had a collective tantrum when a mother pretended to us all that she was injecting Botox into the face of her eight year old daughter. There was the anticipated media frenzy as well as a full-fledged social media firestorm condemning the mother, condemning the pageant culture and calling for law enforcement to protect the child. It was the reaction everyone expected. Children should not have Botox. End of story. There are things that we do as adults that children cannot or should not do. We drink alcohol, …

Honey, Do You Think I Have A Pretty Vagina?

You know how there’s always that one guy who likes to go to a bar, drink too much and pick a fight with the puny guy in the corner? I’m a little like that. I like to have a second glass of wine and ask my husband a question that will make him squirm. Don’t judge me, I find it entertaining. Last night I said to my husband, “How does my vagina look to you?” He gave me a befuddled look I’m familiar with, and then he started checking out …

My Looks Are Fading and It’s Okay With Me

“My looks are fading.” She said. It wasn’t meant to illicit pity, nor was she fishing for a compliment. It was a statement of fact, a pragmatic woman who is looking for a few fillers in the creases around her mouth and a dab of botox around the corners of her eyes. Yes, your looks are fading, so are mine. We’ve known each other our entire lives, we’re staring at 39, we’ve fed babies and watched our perky breasts settle into sad parodies of their former selves. Our waists have …