If Your Five Year Old Isn’t Pole Dancing Now She’ll Never Be A Featured Dancer

08.6.10

Tammy Morris of Tantra Fitness is teaching five year old girls to pole dance, and group lessons are available for girls ages nine and older. I know you’re worried that your nine year old doesn’t yet know how to pole dance, but based on the names of the classes I think they’ll catch your daughter up pretty quickly.

Sexy Flexy
Pussycat Dolls (no trademark issues?)
Promiscuous Girls
Bellylicious

It used to be that in order to be the proud parent of a featured dancer you had to be a raging feminist, drug addicted or the child needed to be abused. Now, you can shortcut all of that, and maybe when she’s 15 you can work on a fake ID so that she can dance in the cage.