Tennis Needs to Declare Independence from the Royals

07.4.12

We were trying to watch tennis at Wimbledon this morning but the camera seems to have a hard time staying on the court. You see there’s this guy out of England who is a pretty solid fourth. Well, Nadal is out so maybe if he’s lucky he’ll be third behind Federer and Djokovic, but let’s face it, if Andy Murray had any luck at all he wouldn’t have been born in the same era as Federer, Nadal or Djokovic.

Murray shows promise though, he’s the best tennis player to come out of Jolly Old England in like 70 years. What’s killing me is that the Royals are so delighted with Murray that they’re coming out to every match and the cameras are spending more time on Middleton and whathisface than the court.

I want my tennis free from the Monarchy on Independence Day.

I find it odd that Americans care about Middelton, didn’t we try to get away from England and it’s ridiculous taxes that support old ladies and their tea sets?  I get that Middleton is  “pretty”, but she’s not exactly iconic. If she showed up at carpool at my kids’ school or camp she’d rate a solid 6, maybe a 7 with good lighting and no bags under the eyes.

Can someone, anyone, please give me a good reason for Americans to care?