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March 2010

My Boobs Can’t Do Downward Facing Dog

I’m a little sore from my last trip to the gym.

I showed up just in time for a fantastic yoga class, rolled out my mat, and enjoyed a slow introduction. We moved from standing poses to warrior and then to downward facing dog. I was okay for the first sun salutation, but by the second, as I pointed my forehead to the ground, my breasts did the same. Right out of the top of my bra.

Luckily yoga is an introspective class, unlike kickboxing, turbo street dancing and others, yoga folks don’t watch one another. I was able to discreetly pop the girls back into my bra, and continue. Once. The second time it was embarrassing, and the third time was downright humiliating. My breasts and I left yoga early.

Since I still needed a workout, and I’m reading a great book, I went and found a stationery bicycle. I parked my ass down, set it for level 7, and started pedaling and reading. Unfortunately when I looked up from my book, Regis and Kelly were on the monitor in front of me. I’m guessing Kelly has never left yoga class because her tits spilled out the top of her bra. I’m also pretty sure she doesn’t read while she works out.

I left the bicycle in favor of the elliptical, and it took all my self control to not declare, “I”m on this fucking elliptical because Kelly Rippa is a skinny bitch.”