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November 2010

Giving: All The Ways I Am Bad At It

If you are a parent at my child’s school, please click on something else right now (like maybe some Palin Porn). Everyone else, get ready to change your opinion of me.

I am not a giver.

I do give, but not with my whole heart. I’m a selfish giver. I give to Project Angel Food because they gave to me. I give to LLS, because people I love need that research. I give to Epic Change because they bring me joy. I give to many other organizations, and I almost exclusively give anonymously, and I don’t want to be asked for more money or time in a public forum.

That’s right. I give in the grumpiest way possible. No fêtes, no galas, no volunteer dinners. I just want to do the giving and be done.

When the kids were each about five we got invited to Birthday Parties where the invitation said, “no gifts please”, and then directed us to give to a charity.

NO GIFTS FOR FIVE YEAR OLDS?! I call bullshit, that has nothing to do with the kid, and I know someone will be in the comments and try to convince me otherwise, but I don’t believe for one second that your child is that unselfish. I believe they are trying to please you by going along with your nonsense.

By the time each kid was six, we were back to normal gift giving. Really.

Don’t get me started on pink ribbons on foods that cause cancer, silence for AIDS, and Bulgari rings for charity. Just. Don’t. Start.

Here’s the way I see it. You either give or you don’t. I don’t care about a portion of the proceeds. Write a check. I don’t care about a celebrity banging one nail into a house for poor people, go give a day’s work. I don’t want ridiculously expensive thank you gifts for supporting a charity. I want you to look me in the eye or hand write me a note saying “thank you”. I want the money I give to have maximum impact.

And for the love of gawd, I don’t want my kids to volunteer as part of their grade. My daughter does not know how I feel about this, so watch the video with Daphne, Dana, and me. Then let me know how you feel about mandatory volunteer-ism.