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First I Put on Makeup with a Trowel and Then I Slept

At 4.30 this morning a car came to pick me up. Whenever I do TV appearances I decline the car service because typically I’m going on Prime News or Jane Velez Mitchell and I go straight from taping to the grocery store or to pick up kids. This morning I’d have cried or crashed (maybe both) if I was required to drive myself 10 minutes to the TV studio and back.

So I played princess.

And at 4.30 a lovely man pulled up in front of the house, cheerily greeted me and we pulled away. I felt compelled to make small chat so I did but I was beyond tired and managed only to chatter about traffic and the lack of it. After I’d filled the silence adequately my driver waited a few moments and kindly said, “I’m Geraldo. It’s nice to meet you.”

I hadn’t asked his name. I’m not that person. Of course none of us ever think we are that person but we are all that person, we just fight it and at some points in our lives or days we fight it better than others. Geraldo kept me company on the way to the studio and then waited for me. He is a kind and gentle man.

I did quick makeup and fortunately my hair was already fine from the night before so I took my seat, put in the earpiece and the producer had me do a count for him. Meanwhile I was in the booth with the LA producer and we were talking about the volume in my ear. The NY producer asked me if I was okay with all of this and I said, “Yes.” Thinking of course that he was talking about the volume in my ear and then he was like, “So you think it’s cool for everyone to take Adderall?” And I got a giggle because it’s obviously not okay and I’m easily amused at 5am when I’m wearing a blazer on top and pajama pants on the bottom.

We finished our segment and then I stripped out of my blazer and shell and returned to my cozy sweats so I could curl up into the backseat of the car that waited for me downstairs.

When we pulled up to the house I grabbed the only cash I had to tip sweet Geraldo and found six dollar. Six measly dollars. Before napping today I’m going to stuff a $20 in an envelope and send it off to Diva because that’s justĀ embarrassing.