plumber

I only have time for a quick post, cuz ya know, I have to play tennis and all…

I have a leak. It comes from upstairs into my kitchen. It is infuriating. About three years ago a section of ceiling came crashing down to my kitchen floor under the weight of the water. I called a plumber and they couldn’t find the leak.

I called another plumber.

And another.

I have had no less than a dozen plumbers to home to find the leak. I have paid thousands of dollars to stinky, smelly plumbers who trudge up my stairs in filthy shoes and snarl at me when I ask them to put on the booties and for the Love Of Gawd Wash Your Hands. No one has fixed the leak, one was chased out by me after he wanted toilet tissue to put down the shower drain.

Please do not call me and tell me you have the best plumber in Los Angeles, I’ve been that route. There is a drip of a few tablespoons a quarter. It is very difficult to locate and seems to occur when the washing machine is on the rinse cycle and the upstairs toilet is simultaneously flushed and/or the shower is running. The pink jacuzzi tub (jealous now?) has been tended to, it’s unlikely that the tub is the issue, but be forewarned, it is ugly and it will hurt your eyes.

I can’t throw more good money after bad.

If you are a plumber in Los Angeles and you think you can come into this home, fix the leak and not stink up my house, contact me.

I am willing to pay $250 in labor 60 days after I’ve been leak free. Naturally, I will pay for parts. Yes, I will be checking your license and bonds before you come to my home. I won’t pay anything if the leak isn’t fixed. If you fix my leak, I will declare you The Best Plumber In Los Angeles. I will make you a scepter out of toilet tissue rolls and aluminum foil, and I will reverentially refer to you as “Your Majesty” (okay maybe not).

If you want I’ll put out a press release on the PR Newswire. I will pimp the crap out of your business, but first, you’ve got to find the leak that is driving me crazy.