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Tantra Fitness

If Your Five Year Old Isn’t Pole Dancing Now She’ll Never Be A Featured Dancer

Tammy Morris of Tantra Fitness is teaching five year old girls to pole dance, and group lessons are available for girls ages nine and older. I know you’re worried that your nine year old doesn’t yet know how to pole dance, but based on the names of the classes I think they’ll catch your daughter up pretty quickly.

Sexy Flexy
Pussycat Dolls (no trademark issues?)
Promiscuous Girls

It used to be that in order to be the proud parent of a featured dancer you had to be a raging feminist, drug addicted or the child needed to be abused. Now, you can shortcut all of that, and maybe when she’s 15 you can work on a fake ID so that she can dance in the cage.