The Barking Dog

My neighbor is exasperated, my dog barks and this prevents her from working.

I found her yesterday morning wandering from house to house to complain about all the barking dogs. I’m two houses away, the other problem dog is four houses away and across the street. She’s never liked my parenting, because my son has guns. Oh, and by guns I mean little green pieces of plastic. My dog barks when people pass in front of the house, it beats the fuck outta waving my pistol at them. I let the dog bark. It’s good.

Today when I left the house, I had Junior stay inside, as opposed to allowing him to be in and out. When he barks from upstairs to down, I can’t hear him. I wanted to be considerate of my oh-so-fragile neighbor.

I certainly don’t want to be unfriendly with a neighbor, but she has very important work to do, and don’t I know she works from home.

What the fuck does she think I’m doing?

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18 Comments

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  2. sarah

    I have never understood people who are so overly sensitive to noise they probably should just move out to the desert. You live near other people, their kids, and their dogs, and maybe their birds and motorcycles and parties, and oh, shit, I’m describing a fucking neighborhood. She needs to get over herself.

  3. You might need an attorney in animal law after all. See, now aren’t you glad I’m taking that worthless class right after corporations?

  4. I had to laugh! If she worked in an office, there’d be a lot more than dogs to distract…

  5. We once had a neighbor that called as at about 3 o’clock in the afternoon to ask to have our children who were playing in their own front yard to be quiet as she was trying to nap. Apparantly the sound of children playing outside was disturbing her. I told her to buy some ear plugs, that kids make noise when they play and I wasn’t going to ask them to be quiet. I also then went outside and reminded my children to use their “outside voices”. Did I mention I didnt like this neighbor?

  6. I work from home, and I am constantly hearing dogs, cats, screaming children, cars, ambulances, firetrucks, etc. Plus I have what five psychiatrists in a row have called an “extreme textbook case of Attention Deficit Disorder Innattentive Type”. Like as in I could be medicated to the point where my heart nearly stops and a butterfly flapping its wings three blocks away could present half an hours worth of distraction.

    I would never EVER ever ever consider going outside to complain about my neighbors because *I* cannot concentrate. What a whiner.

  7. Some folks just aren’t happy unless they have something to bitch about, Jess. Obviously, she’s a crotchety old biddy!

  8. Ugh! I hate people like that. I live in an apartment and one time ONE TIME the front door accidentally slammed shut due to the draft since the window was open. Our neighbor came over and told us to ‘stop slamming the door’ because it woke up his daughter. Well, screw you, buddy! We have a baby too and it didn’t wake her up and she’s got a crazy sensitive startle reflex. My husband apologized to the neighbor but if I had answered the door I would have told him to go eff himself. :-)

  9. Hahaha..lol..that’s funny! She should be leaving in the farm or somewhere silent like in the cemetery. On the other hand, what is her work?

  10. I agree with Sarah – if you’re that sensitive to noise you should move elsewhere because it’s obviously your problem and has very little to do with your neighbours.

    I work from home. And if I can do that with the neighbours shouting obscenities at one another all day, I’m sure a reasonable person could put up with a damn dog.

  11. Jenn Kilker

    I have one of those too (actually two, but I can tell the short obnoxious one was the ring leader and forced the tall quiet one to come with her). What do you think they hope to accomplish by going house to house complaining about the barking dogs?

  12. HAHAHA At my house, my dogs will not shut up if they think they may see something moving anywhere no matter how far down the street. I took a weekend getaway to my parents alone. Alone means I went without my husband, but took MY dog. She’s a Lhasa poo mix and she is bossy and has no problem scolding my husband’s dog who is twice her size. So I found it hysterical that my dog romped in the beach surf like a puppy, enjoyed chewing her little rawhides without fear of having to stolen the second she dozes off and simply enjoying herself. My husband’s dog never barked once at anything the entire weekend. She was depressed and refused food.
    Together, they form a very loud duet of bass and soprano barks that can be maddening to anyone in the house. HIS dog doesn’t shut up without the iphone dog whistle app now. That shuts her right up. No one else in the house knows it works, nor has my husband caught onto my secret. He thinks I’m texting. LOL
    He bursts a blood vessel yelling at them constantly. They especially despise the UPS man’s truck, as well as the UPS man. They start barking when he’s two blocks away.
    My dogs barking is annoying enough to me, but they don’t bark in the yard. Only from the safety of the house. If the neighbor dog barks at them while they are crapping, my husband’s dog pinches off her poo early and runs for the door. My dog will rip the fence off to get to the neighbor dogs. She doesn’t back down, no matter how big the dog. Unless you are trying to sneak her chewy away from her.

    Well, I hate my neighbors dogs barking when we are trying to relax with a glass of wine while swatting mosquitos in the evening. They don’t shut up. But I have noticed my training them with the iphone dog whistle has been working out pretty well, and the neighbor has no idea.

  13. My one dalmatian sits looking out the window all day long, just so she won’t miss barking at someone passing by, or the neighbors cat, or a squirrel, or a falling leaf. Dogs are dogs. Most bark. Your neighbor needs to get a life.

  14. H-gal

    I have a neighbor whose dog barks at the same time every morning- between 3 am and 5 am. Loud. It will stop barking for about 3 ten minute intervals, and then the damn thing starts up again. I’m ready to shoot it with a tranquilizer. I can’t be expected to reason with owners who can’t understand why their dogs loud barking in the wee hours of the morning would be disturbing to others. I usually love animals, but when I’m lacking sleep I tend to be a bit on the grumpy side. If a dog whistle works I’ll try it, but I like my idea of a tranquilizer better…

  15. Dnavas4

    People need to understand the reason to have a dog-they work to let the owners know when someone is around. Maybe your stay at home neighbor is a would be thief. AND your dog tells you when they are around. Now that you saw the neighbor going from door -to-door maybe they are casing the neighbors homes under the guise of complaining about your dog. If something comes up missing from their homes they need to look carefully at who they let in their houses. I wish dogs were covered by the First Amendment or the right to Keep and bear arms. The dog should be allowed to bark, that is WHY we have them. Live and let live.

  16. Ray Mainiero

    some people, such as myself, are hypersensitive to noise. Barking dogs drive me absolutely insane!I’m sorry but your neighbor has a right to their peace and quiet. Your dog has no right to barkā€¦ It’s not paying taxes!

  17. People who let dogs bark uncontrollably have no self respect or any respect for the community they live in. We as property owners or renters have what is called the right of quiet enjoyment of our homes and i have to agree with another poster dog’s have no rights I love dogs and I have one they can be trained if you love them enough and just don’t throw them in the back yard alone !

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