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I Don’t Know How To Be a Marketer but I Know What NOT to do

I often get emails from marketers where they say I represent and they would like to buy a text ad on your site for $50 a month. It’s an SEO game so don’t bother looking at the site, rest assured it’s full of malware, tracking cookies and is of absolutely no interest to your readers.

My typical response is, “Thank you so much for thinking of me, it’s not a match.” I leave the door open┬ábecause┬áthe pitches, though inelegant, are quick and to the point, they include the site name and the fee. Everyone’s time and intelligence is respected.

These are my morning emails today. I want you to know that I’ve haggled at the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul and my expectation is that I won’t have to repeat that experience in my inbox.

Understand a few things:

  • There is no last name attached to “Noah”.
  • There is no website, only a landing page
  • When I search for Noah’s email address I get nothing in any social networks
. We're interested in purchasing a small text-link ad on your web page, , recognizing our new Child Care Services website. We are hoping to pay a flat monthly rate for this link placement while creating a worthwhile agreement with you. I look forward to hearing back from you, please email me back with any questions! :) Thanks!”]

Nice enough, he even includes a smiley face at the end. :)

Hi Jessica, Thanks for the reply. What are your rates normally? I'm not sure which of our sites we'll be linking to, I'll have a better idea when we decide on price.

Isn’t that putting the cart before the horse? I didn’t email him and pitch him, he’s the one who approached me out of the blue. Again, I have no idea who this person is, who this company is or who they represent.

Wow. The attitude isn't interesting either. You obviously aren't interested in doing business, good luck.

Thanks Noah. I’ll be sure and hit up that PO Box, or maybe that website that only includes a landing page. I mean what kind of crazy must I be to pass up an opportunity to work with an anonymous guy from a PO Box in Salt Lake City?