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Pitches That Won’t Work

My inbox is filling up with marketers and publicists who want to get The Mommy Bloggers to talk about their stuff.

Since everyone knows that The Mommy Bloggers are a homogenous group I thought I’d give you a list of pitches that will never work for me. I’m pretty sure they work for everyone else otherwise I wouldn’t get a dozen of these every hour.

  • I won’t post a photo of a celebrity wearing your clothing. I don’t care about celebrities. I care about bloggers.
  • I won’t bring my children to your event. They are not bloggers.
  • I don’t really talk about what I wear until after I’ve purchased it so sending me high resolution photos isn’t really a great idea.
  • I don’t keep clothes that people send me, so sending me samples is also not a great idea.
  • My husband doesn’t smoke cigars or wear ties
  • My dog doesn’t wear clothes.
  • I can’t talk about the gifts I’ve bought for anyone because they read my blog. So you can skip all the gift guides. I did one once, it was a lot of work.
  • I won’t tell you what we’re planning to wear for Halloween, but that’s just because no one cares
  • I don’t really want to work hard, so if your pitch looks like work then it won’t get read.
  • Your new app may be great, but since the only app I’ve ever written about is iFart. It is the only app worth  writing about.
  • Do not add me to constant contact, icontact or any other mass email list. There is no reason for me to  care about the same content everyone else is getting.
  • If you didn’t come from my womb don’t call me Mom, Mommy or Mami. I’m not your mother, I’m Mrs. Gottlieb, address your emails appropriately.
  • I don’t talk about TV shows so you can probably skip those, I’m basically a pop culture disaster.
  • If you’re having a contest you can buy an ad but word of mouth on something with a huge budget? Only an idiot would pick up that flaming baton

Pitches that do work