I’ve Got a Shovel & A Shotgun And I’m Pretty Sure I’d Never Be Convicted

Preamble: I love my husband and he loves me.

Last night my husband was in the kitchen and took a bowl off the shelf.

“There’s crap all over this bowl. Can you make sure they’re clean before you put them away? This keeps happening.” He railed.

“Uh, ya know what? Sometimes the dishwasher isn’t perfect, if you want the bowl clean why don’t you wash it.” I asked him.

“I don’t wash dishes.” He declared.

“Maybe you should.”

“Listen Jess, I’ve got three stopgaps before the dishes get to me. I’ve got a dishwasher, maid service and a wife. All three of you cost me a fortune. I won’t wash dishes.”

I wanted to respond, but really I was too busy in fits and gales of laughter. I washed the bowl, and then took myself shopping. In fact, I’m going to buy the housekeeper something very nice too.

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  1. hilarious! my dh only has two, dishwasher and me, but I don’t do dishes, lol! HE does and I love him for it!

  2. Sherri haymond

    Ha! Your husband sounds just like mine. And I tell him exactly the same thing.

  3. Methinks Im kinda jealous.
    of both of you.
    gotta love a man who uses the word stopgap.


  4. LOL good for you!

  5. My husband is down to just me.

  6. sam

    Working for a living in kitchens I’m always amazed at dirty dishes. Dishwashers, the human variety, too often don’t seem to realize that their job title may be dishwasher but that this isn’t enough. The goal is clean dishes, not merely washed dishes.

    But then if I had a husband, however unlikely that currently seems, I doubt I’d be able to answer that sort of criticism with such an easygoing answer.

  7. @Sam I really did marry the nicest janice ever met. Though he does not do dishes, he does just about everything else, and his best attempt at being difficult is really quite funny… To me anyhow

  8. My husband does the dishes – by hand, even – since we don’t have a dishwasher (or a maid!)

  9. Amy

    Sounds just like my husband! But he does the dishes…. So he rants when I put them in the dishwasher dirty. Hey at least I made an effort, I’m the man around this house I guess… I don’t do dishes either:-) Your hubby sounds like a smart a$$… I like him already!!

  10. Your hubby had a great comeback. Had me laughing!!!

    The one that always gets me is when my hubby (or kids) will yell upstairs at me (while standing right in front of the dishwasher), “are the dishes dirty or clean?”

    Hello!!! Open the dishwasher and look. Argh! :D

  11. stopgap???
    and he sound a heck of a lot like my husband.

  12. Thanks for the laugh!


    Your husband sounds rad.

  14. hahahahaha…

    this is every guys perspective on “dish washing”

  15. Is he putting the toilet paper roll on yet?

  16. No Jane. He is not.

    But ya know what? In spite of his inability to re-roll the toilet tissue, we are happily married.

  17. OMG, no he dint.

    I have a close family member who is a mortician….ditch the shovel…this is more efficient and you won’t break a nail.

  18. *snort*

  19. LOL! You know…washing dishes “can” be foreplay. True story, my husband told his uber macho brother in law that once…the brother in law who would be my little brother.

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