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New York Makes My Ass Look Fat

My husband was here working here in New York City on Thursday so I flew in with the kids Friday. We arrived early, flight was great, whatever. Showed up at the Warwick Hotel in midtown and I have decided that this is the only New York Hotel I ever need to be in. It’s service oriented, thick walls and though the rooms don’t connect, you get your own little hallway, it’s actually better for a family than most. The Warwick dazzled me in every way.

Lexus let me test drive an SUV because they are suckers so nice, and we took it to Long Island both Saturday and Sunday. I then successfully navigated a Sunday Evening LIE, some kind of Raceway along the East river (do you EVER fill potholes here?) and then I parked it successfully in the Lower East Side. Sometimes it’s the little victories.

Friday we sent the kids back to LA alone. That’s right they hopped onto an airplane by themselves for a six hour flight. Oh, and a completely unacceptable 2.5 hour delay on the tarmac. I would like to publicly thank the entire airline industry for joining together in the “it’s a safety issue” mantra. It makes it so much better when your gate attendants (or whatever they are called) are completely useless, snarky and not helpful at all. It’s fabulous when I see six of them standing around talking and they can only glance up to say “we don’t know anything”.

Twitter support rocked, but it was a little like putting whipped cream on dog shit.

We had to check out of the Warwick and move to a hotel where my husband’s next bit of work was. Ick. Just ick. Here is the list of what doesn’t work for me about the hotel. Maybe I’m a dilettante, but you be the judge. 

Wifi is expensive and unreliable
There is black grime in the shower, I asked them to clean it, they appear incapable.
The bar does not open until 5pm
The rooftop bar has a hostess that appears to be a callgirl. When I said something to the concierge downstairs she said they hear that a lot, then she shrugged.
I got stuck in the hotel elevator with drunk Texans.

The was amazing. I’m trying to do a recap post, but I can tell you this. The attendees were the real stars. Everyone was welcoming and inclusive and there to learn and preach a little too. It had immense value and I think Jeff Pulver ought to be commended for pulling together everyone from the obvious rockstars to the most humble of all.

It is storming and I am working on a few projects. 

Mostly I miss my kids. I just want to be with them and be not here. I think if my surroundings were a little better I’d be less miserable, but it’s entirely possible that I just miss my kids too much to enjoy myself properly.

10 thoughts on “New York Makes My Ass Look Fat”

  1. this here Landfrau knows enough about kids,miss them when they are not there and once a while would like to miss them when they are there. And it never ends- such is life!

  2. hmm, that last comment was odd.

    jessica, no city could make your ass look fat, you are one fit babe.

    sorry NY gave you such a rainy grimy reception this week, it is way more hospitable when the weather is nicer.

    the missing the kid thing: the way i see it, the moment you give birth you start to realize that there are these other creatures in the universe that complete you in some way. their absence, even for good things, is something you never quite get used to. even when they get older.

    it is kind of like phantom pain.

  3. Your ass is not fat. You have that special kind of hauteness unique to LA wives with enough self-discipline to run not drive up the big hill to the taco truck. For which I both admire and resent you. New York misses you already!

  4. The airlines could care less. How else are you going to get from LA to NY and back? And you made me laugh out loud about the dog shit and whipped cream and the drunk Texans. The weather is crappy right now which is a shame cause some parts of NYC are truly fabulous.

  5. Hey now! You say “drunk Texans” like they’re a bad thing.

    You just haven’t been around the right drunk Texans. Speaking of… You should schedule a quick little trip to Mazatlan next month. Lots to do so your hubby wouldn’t be bored. And you could get drunk with us! But not too drunk as it’s a kid-friendly resort and ours will be there.

    Ugh. Email me.

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