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You Stuck That Where?

I wasn’t very surprised when the school called last week with Alexander saying he had an earache.

“Does he have a fever?” I queried.

“No, but he looks puny.” Said the receptionist.

“We had a really nice weekend and I have a feeling that he might be angling for a snuggly afternoon so I’d like you to give it another half hour.”

They gave him some Tylenol and told him to come back if he still hurt.

At 12:30 the phone rang and I hardly needed to answer it. I was at the school by 12:45 feeling Alexander’s forehead.

No fever.

“Mom, my right ear hurts a lot I need to be home. But first can I get an apricot and blueberry muffin from Starbucks?” He’s smiling at me now from the backseat and no just isn’t in my vocabulary for the moment.

We get home and shake the crumbs off. Since the pediatrician’s office is closed for lunch from 12 to 2 we have an hour to kill before I can even call for an appointment so I plunk Alexander down have a look in his ear.

I have no idea why I’m even bothering to look but I do see a big wad of wax.

Eh, why not?

I have Alexander lay down on my bed with his right ear up and I’m going to use tweezers to pull the wax out. He’s compliant, I should know at this point that something’s fishy.

I pull his skin taught and gently tug at what I assume will be a soft ball of ear wax.

Stunning when it turns white.

Even more stunning when it’s a half inch long.

“What is this?!” I exclaim.

“I dunno.”Alexander is upright now and rubbing his ear. “I can hear everything now.”

“It looks like paper. Folded up paper.”

“Oh yeah,” He sing songs, “Peter and I lost that.”


“Definitely in April.”

I am utterly unprepared for parenthood.

28 thoughts on “You Stuck That Where?”

  1. Oh my! Such a boy thing. Well, at least I can’t imagine a little girl doing somthing like that. Love how casual he was about it, too. He totally wins – he got his muffin and time at home with Mom!

  2. My middle brother put a raisin up his nose when he was five. Dehydrated no more, that grape had to be retrieved by the pediatrician. I still enjoy reminding him of the fun we had with that one.

  3. I don’t know whether to be grossed out or impressed or glad that my daughter hasn’t figured that out yet.

    I do remember that in kindergarten, there was a little boy who decided to stick a marble up his nose and had to be taken home (and I assume to the doctor/ER)… and even then, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to try and do that….

    People say it’s societal, but I think there IS a distinct difference between boys and girls.

  4. Ok get this: In the maternity ward? On the wall? For some reason they thought it would be brilliant to put up a poster-board with all the things they’ve pulled out of ears and noses. I was crying laughing, not least because my c-section stitches were straining.

  5. I once shoved a raisin up my sister’s nose. Later on she shoved styrofoam up there. I think that I was 35 and she was 33, or so I tell her children. ;)

    Actually it was about six and four I think. Kids are peachy keen.

  6. That is gross and utterly horrifying all at once. Also, you took a picture of it for posterity and that just rocks out loud. I would not have taken the initiative to take the picture because I would have barfed and then burned that thing!! Wholly cow!!

  7. Finn stuck a dried blueberry up his nose when he was almost two… he now refers to anything in his nose as a blueberry. It’s lovely when his finger is in his nose and we tell him not to do that and he yells, “I’m just picking a blueberry!”

  8. Oh can so sympathize with this… 2 years ago my then 13 1/2 year old (big for his age) had an itchy ear so stuffed a mechanical pencil in his ear to itch it! Yes, the following morning we were at urgent care having the eraser removed by the doctor with ultra fine tweezers! Oh, boy did he feel stupid – I happy to report he hasn’t done it again!

  9. That’s hilarious and disgusting! Glad you found it though.
    It reminds me of when my cousin stuck tic tacs up her nose. Kids never cease to amaze me!

  10. My daughter, when she was 3, stuck a bead in her nose. She broke a necklace specifically to stick said bead in her nose. It was totally wedged in there, too. Thankfully I could see a little of the hole in the middle and could use tweezers to angle it and use the hole as leverage to get it out.

    Kids, man.

    Sorry to the poster who thinks it was only a boy thing. My girls are also playing with monster trucks right now. Am I blowing everyone’s mind yet? LMAO (I certainly hope not!!)

  11. oh my. sorry, but that’s funny.

    So how about this……my brother was very ill. They did a full head scan and diagnosed him with a tumor. He was then referred to a Children’s hospital, and after some discussion during the visit, the doctor pulled a kidney bean out of his nose. It had been up there so long it started to sprout, thus, mistaken for a tumor. Doh!

  12. Oh Wow! That’s so funny!!

    My daughter had such a bad habit of sticking things up her nose that the doctor gave me the tweezers and boy did they get some use!!!

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